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One of my reviewers mentioned that I hadn't described anyone in my first 2 or 3 scenes before I took them down to rewrite. I'm curious to see what Seabrass says about the above description. I thought the version that Ann flagged was simpler, but it's "technically" not a way someone would think of their hair, so I made it more explicit with this version. Some people want me to be explicit while others, like Temple, call me pedantic. I'm pretty sure she wouldn't like this version. She already told me to lose the one I had written in v1.

What do you think, am I better off having Romano look in a mirror to clean himself up?

Thanks, JP. I dropped cackle in favor of "demonic" chuckle. Lynn suggested using demonic as a way to avoid having to explicitly state that the intruder was a demon. It follows naturally from his description and the demonic chuckle.

I'm more familiar with the Emperor in Star Wars. There were times, especially in the 3rd prequel, where he had a deep voice, but his cackle became iconic. I wonder if they used special effects to deepen his voice in certain scenes.

It's a minor issue in one scene , so I'll stick with a deep voice. That also works better than a higher pitch given who the mysterious demon actual is.

Thanks, Bill

Anyone have an easy fix for this? Ann told me to lose "otherwise coal-black" in the second sentence since he shouldn't be describing himself. Seabrass will flag it, too, if he sees it. I'm trying to avoid a mirror or reflective glass, since those are considered cliches. I've tried several variations, but this is the simplest.

Thanks
Dirk

It's mostly electronic with us, too, but you still need to go somewhere to get your picture taken, trade in foreign driver's licenses, take a driving test, etc. When I got back to Canada, my passport and NJ driver's license were, naturally, insufficient for me to prove that I was a resident. They wanted a statement signed by a bank officer that I had an address in Alberta. When we got back to the licensing place, they then said that's not good enough. It needed to be in an envelope sent through the mail (i.e., mailed from/to Alberta). I finally asked for a manager and they said my mother, who was with me, could swear an oath that I'm a resident, otherwise it would have been three trips and several more days of nonsense.

Prepare to abandon ship, if needed. My Galaxy Tales trilogy (Book 1: Into the Mind of God) started out as an autobiography in 2012, morphed into a space opera in 2013, needed to be abandoned halfway through the first draft, finally became semi-logical/readable in v2 (including six months of writer's block where I did nothing but read), got relatively polished in v3, after which I concluded there was no audience for it (too religious for the non-religious and to irreverent for the religious). So, after six years, I shelved it pending a complete rewrite, which will require at least two more drafts that will takes years. I don't mind, however. I learned a lot.

In the meantime, I got inspired to write a fictional trilogy about the Book of Revelation (The Lord of the Earth). This time, I chose my target audience first (primarily Catholics, hopefully some Catholic-curious Christians, and maybe a few thriller readers). I spent a year doing detailed research (much more still to do), didn't do enough plotting (the murder/mystery element fell apart almost immediately), went back to the drawing board, had life intrude for four months with no writing, and am now partially back in the saddle trading reviews and editing early scenes. I'm sufficiently inspired by my current story that I will keep going as soon as I get my life fully reorganized. It will take me at least ten years to write the whole thing. At that pace, Galaxy Tales will probably never get done, which is too bad because some of what I wrote there is very funny, IMO.

I think Temple may be onto something. Try writing short stories and you may find something inspires you to write a new book or finish an existing one. The Lord of the Earth started that way. I wrote a short story called Connor based loosely on the Angel vampire TV series. Many people encouraged me to turn it into a book. Once I started the research, it morphed into a full-blown project, albeit with a completely different plot, setting, and ending.

If I remember correctly, there's a monthly plan, although it costs a little more. Try it out for a month or so before deciding on the yearly plan. I've been a member since 2012 and have learned a lot from the feedback given here, both from reviews as well as from asking newbie questions in the forums.

My previous book (now shelved) opened with "Battle stations!", a long chapter that was set 23 years in the past where everyone got killed. I was told to get rid of it and put all of the history and world-building info into the rest of the story. One person suggested to change it so that it was a declassified report read by one of the main characters after the story opens. Personally, I don't see what difference that would make except to interrupt the flow.

My current story started off slowly and I was told I needed a stronger opening for a thriller. When I added a prologue to do that, others told me to get rid of it. When I got rid of the prologue, someone rightly noted that I was missing danger to the MCs in the first two chapters. When I added danger, I was told it may be too much too soon. At this point, it's a first draft, so I'm going with it as written, otherwise I'll never get past chapter one.

Bottom line, I refer you back to Temple's item 4.

I made some changes based on your feedback, but not enough to republish. Thanks for your help.

Since your multiverse is made up, I don't see why it couldn't include magic. Even our universe can include magic. The only reason I can think why someone would object is that it becomes a little harder to choose your genre come time to publish.

In a pure science fiction novel, hard-core readers expect you to obey what is "likely" based on known physics. There is a great deal of theoretical physics about higher dimensions, but those papers are usually heavy on advanced math.

In my first book (shelved), I went for space opera, with at least a little grounding in science. For example, my terraforming took hundreds of years, required worlds that already had a human-breathable atmosphere (otherwise terraforming takes too long), and starter soil from an already-terraformed planet (or from Earth) to grow food for the early colonists. That being said, I had a form of hyperspace, blast cannons called novas, shields, blasters called crispers, anti-gravity tech, etc. All the stuff you see in Star Wars, except no aliens yet.

I checked your chapters. They all seem reasonably well formatted, as do your chapter summaries. Your book summary is a little screwy, but that's a quirk of the software.