I went with Bill's suggestion of 'rose.' It sounds a little snooty, but it avoids me cringing the way I would if I wrote 'stood' without 'up.'

Thanks, Bill.

Rose I really like.

Many of my reviewers, including some of the best on the site, keep pointing out that one should write 'stood' instead of 'stood up'. For example, 'Father Romano stood when the cardinal entered,' vs. 'Father Romano stood up when the cardinal entered.' The first always strikes me as odd because it has two possible meanings: 'Father Romano stood around...' vs. 'Father Romano stood up...' Granted, it is almost always clear from context which meaning is intended, but I always trip over 'stood,' expecting 'stood up' since that's how I was taught back in the Second Age of Middle Earth. 'Stood,' therefore, takes me out of the story.

Thoughts?
Dirk

I'm sure mine will be a bestseller. I won't even need marketing. Just put it on Amazon and wait for the nasty reviews to roll in. It'll be so bad, it'll become a cult classic. The movie version will result in more buckets of popcorn thrown at the screen than The Rocky Horror Picture Show and The Last Jedi.

Nice changes. Thank you. The head-hopping police already nailed me for a few errors. I'll have to fix it before Seabrass sees it. Tsk.

It's amazing how similar Marilyn's and Temple's reviews are. They find the same stuff and even suggest the same revisions. I told them they may have been separated at birth.

Scene 2.1 (chapter 2, scene 1) is up. This scene introduces Cardinal Lombardi, the Vatican Secretary of State, and his first meeting with Connor. Lombardi plays a recurring role in the story.

Dirk

As noted in a post in Premium, I keep running into a problem when referring to characters by one name only throughout my story. It's the repetition that reviewers highlight, and rightly so. Temple suggested I use more pronouns, relying on the reader to figure out who I'm referring to based on context. See the example below based on her approach. The other approach, which I used to use, is to refer to characters in more than one way. So, I would refer to Romano as Romano or priest to break up the monotony. JP Lundstrom thought that was fine, although Seabrass has tried to steer me clear of that approach. I've been trying to avoid the latter approach since I think it creates distance between the reader and Romano by referring to him as priest. For those reading this, how do you avoid the repetition?

Thanks
Dirk

Before:

Romano decided he’d take a wait-and-see approach. In a few days, Alessandro would probably have another seizure, and Romano would have his answer. In spite of himself, he felt a slight thrill at the possibility that Connor was right. If only Romano could still feel the Holy Spirit the way Connor did. It had been so long. Yet, even Mother Teresa suffered dark, spiritual emptiness, in her case for almost half a century. And, unlike her, Romano was no saint. The knot in his stomach returned, reminding him he had an anguished prayer to finish.

After:

Romano decided he’d take a wait-and-see approach. In a few days, Alessandro would probably have another seizure, and he would have his answer. In spite of himself, he felt a slight thrill at the possibility that Connor was right. If only he could still feel the Holy Spirit the way Connor did. It had been so long. Yet, even Mother Teresa suffered dark, spiritual emptiness, in her case for almost half a century. And, unlike her, Romano was no saint. The knot in his stomach returned, reminding him he had an anguished prayer to finish.

One more, following Temple's suggestion of using context to infer who 'he' is, even thought there are two males in the paragraph.

Before:

Romano decided he’d take a wait-and-see approach. In a few days, Alessandro would probably have another seizure, and Romano would have his answer. In spite of himself, he felt a slight thrill at the possibility that Connor was right. If only Romano could still feel the Holy Spirit the way Connor did. It had been so long. Yet, even Mother Teresa suffered dark, spiritual emptiness, in her case for almost half a century. And, unlike her, Romano was no saint. The knot in his stomach returned, reminding him he had an anguished prayer to finish.

After:

Romano decided he’d take a wait-and-see approach. In a few days, Alessandro would probably have another seizure, and he would have his answer. In spite of himself, he felt a slight thrill at the possibility that Connor was right. If only he could still feel the Holy Spirit the way Connor did. It had been so long. Yet, even Mother Teresa suffered dark, spiritual emptiness, in her case for almost half a century. And, unlike her, Romano was no saint. The knot in his stomach returned, reminding him he had an anguished prayer to finish.

All opposed?

1,610

(1,217 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Cool item. According to a new in-canon Star Wars comic, Darth Sidious (aka Emperor Palpatine) impregnated Anakin Skywalker's mother without her knowledge. It would be easy to do for a Force user. This means that Anakin, Luke, and Kylo Ren are all descended from Palpatine. Without access to the comic, I don't know the details, but his tale to Anakin about Darth Plageous the Wise being able to manipulate the midichlorians to create life takes on a whole new level. It's fascinating what you can do when you toss thirty years of canon out the window.

1,611

(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Thanks

One of my reviewers suggested I reduce the number of references to my character, Father Romano. I currently refer to him solely as Romano, and use his title, Father, in dialogue. Is it common practice to always refer to someone by one name only throughout a story? I could also refer to him as the Father or as a priest. I used to do something like this in my stories to break up the repetitive references to a character solely by one name.

Before:

Romano was about to leave when he noticed Connor sitting on the floor on the far side of Damiano’s bed, supporting the younger boy’s head like a pillow. Romano motioned for Connor to get up. Connor eased his arm free and followed Romano out of the room.

After:

Romano was about to leave when he noticed Connor sitting on the floor on the far side of Damiano’s bed, supporting the younger boy’s head like a pillow. The Father/priest motioned for Connor to get up. Connor eased his arm free and followed Romano out of the room.

Technically, the last reference to Romano could be changed to 'him', but it was suggested by someone else that I name him there for clarity.

Thoughts?

Thanks
Dirk

1,613

(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

njc, you're a grammar guru. Can you please tell me if my use of wearing is correct? One of my reviewers says it should be wear, and he's probably right, although I find it odd to write it that way.

Calabrese was the only priest at Orfanotrofio di San Nicola who never stooped to wearing the simple uniform of the other priests: black shirt, black pants, and a tabbed collar.

EDIT: After reading it a dozen times, wear does sound correct. Is wearing correct too? Just curious.

1,614

(2 replies, posted in Writing Tips & Site Help)

Can someone please tell me if my use of wearing is correct? One of my reviewers says it should be wear, and he's probably right, although I find it odd to write it that way.

Calabrese was the only priest at Orfanotrofio di San Nicola who never stooped to wearing the simple uniform of the other priests: black shirt, black pants, and a tabbed collar.

I assume you mean Charles. Yes, he's a wampa. No stormtroopers. Legionarii.

My thanks to everyone for their thoughtful feedback. The series is intentionally focused on Catholicism, even though I hope others will read it. As a result, my gut tells me to respect Catholic traditions throughout. I'm going to go with lowercase for now and make the final decision when I've finished the first draft of the book.

Thanks
Dirk

1,617

(38 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

The tricky thing is, if you use your final title on the site, like I do, all forum posts here that reference your novel will be indexed by Google and point readers to those posts when they google your title, including any spoilers. Kdot can regale you with his efforts to scrub this site of all references to his earlier novel(s). It's doable, but it's a pain. I've tried not to use my title much outside of my own threads since I can delete those before I publish.

LOL. I just finished changing them to lowercase before you posted, Memphis. I'll have to sleep on it. As I mentioned above, I like capitalizing the pronouns, but I also want to respect Catholic practices and traditions. Admittedly, I'm hoping it gets read by more than just Catholics (e.g., curious Protestants, who might expect caps in their works of religious fiction).

Here we go. This was written by a Catholic priest. https://www.osv.com/Article/TabId/493/A … e-Him.aspx

Capitalizing pronouns (e.g. he, him, his, you, your, etc.) referring to the Blessed Trinity has not been a widespread practice in Christian tradition. In fact, these pronouns are never capitalized in the source documents. They are not capitalized in the Greek text of the Scriptures. Neither did St. Jerome capitalize them when he translated these texts into Latin Vulgate.

Even as the biblical texts were translated into English, the pronouns remained in the lower case. This is true of both Catholic and Protestant translation of the Bible. The Douay-Rheims Bible did not use them, neither did the King James. Neither do more than 30 current or old translations that I consulted online.

Outside the Scriptures, the English translation of the Catechism of the Council of Trent used lowercase pronouns, as does the current Catechism of the Catholic Church.

Thus we see the use of the lowercase for pronouns referring to the Divine Persons in biblical text.

Some years ago, at least in English-speaking countries, there was a pious practice of using the uppercase for pronouns referring to members of the Trinity. However, this practice was neither widespread nor ancient.

As for God’s name being holy, this is absolutely true. Thus, Father, Son and Holy Spirit are capitalized, as is the name of Jesus. 

But pronouns are not proper names — they are, by definition, words that stand for or point back to proper nouns.

One may well argue that such pronouns should be capitalized, but given the widespread and ancient practice to the contrary, one ought be careful not to impugn motives of impiety for those who do not do so.

Done!

Thanks, everyone. The technically correct choice for Catholics is to lowercase the pronouns, although some (many?) Catholics don't realize it. The most common Catholic Bibles in North America don't capitalize the pronouns, nor does the Catechism. I like capitalizing, but the primary target audience is Catholics and the most knowledgeable folks on the Catholic.com forums say not to do it. I'll think about it some more, but I'm probably going back to lowercase.

Thanks for your help, everyone.

My current WIP includes references to God in the form of pronouns (e.g., you, your, he, etc.) primarily when used in prayer. It turns out that well-informed Catholics do not capitalize these pronouns. Neither does the Catechism (the definitive book on Church teaching) and most if not all approved Catholic Bibles.

Here's the tricky part. Many Catholics are not familiar with these rules and expect them to be capitalized. Capitalizing of these pronouns comes largely from Protestants, so there is a great deal of confusion. My target audience is Catholics, then other Christians with a curiosity about the Church, then simple heathens who want to read a supernatural thriller.

I've generally decided that when it came to Catholic elements to the story that I would not stop for info dumps to explain things that Catholics should already know, such as the Catechism. But as for capitalization of pronouns, many of my readers so far expect capitalization. I expect that will be true of the majority of potential readers.

I'm curious what this group recommends about how to proceed. I've now gone both ways and am considering gong back to lowercase. It may be necessary to include a note in the front of the book explaining this. I had one in my content summary, but few bothered to read it.

Thoughts?

Thanks
Dirk

1,622

(63 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

I should really see if anyone has ever written a simple wiki article explaining God Emperor of Dune. There were quite a few conversations in that book that went right over my head. Although I have a decent grounding in religion and politics, I never studied psychology, which seems to be a must for that book. It's my second favorite in the series after the original.

1,623

(8 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Congratulations to all three.

1,624

(11 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Kdot, in case your stories turn into a franchise, be sure to release a trilogy of movies with no overarching plot and three different directors. Could be worth $5 billion. Don't forget to kill off favorite characters on a whim just for the hell of it (technically, you've got that covered). Add a Smurf named Kajo who says meesa a lot, and they'll worship you.

1,625

(16 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Temple Wang wrote:
vern wrote:
Dirk B. wrote:

Or simply rename the buttons (e.g., Save For Now and I'm Finished).

The bigger problem is regardless of how you save it (button size, color, whatever) you can't get back to it from the red (Draft) icon on the home page nor the work you are reviewing. You must remember possibly a year from now that the red draft icon does nothing and you have to go to all your reviews posted to find the dang thing, which is totally illogical imho. Take care. Vern

I agree.  I muddied the waters by introducing a second problem. My bad.  Apologies.

Some things in life just cry out for an Are Your Damn Sure? dialogue. I decided to delete an older version of one of my chapters, thinking the new shinier one was all I really needed. As soon as I confirmed that I wanted to delete it, I remembered all the reviews would be deleted too. Fortunately, I had already applied all the changes, and my Reviews page shows me what reviews existed, so I know whose work I still need to review.