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I think this works better:

I went back and deleted the horns. I decided there's a good story reason why those shouldn't be used.
The rustling was of paper. He stole a printed schedule.
It's not a man-shaped cloud of fog. It's a dark figure (e.g., a man who will only appear in shadows) surrounded by some amount of swirling fog. It could almost be explained as a guy wearing black clothing and black-face or a ski mask and costume-party contact lenses, and carrying dry ice. The part that makes him more than this is his ability to generate heavy fog and travel anywhere it can go (e.g., under doors). I'm trying to make scene 1.1 consistent with what Campagna and De Rosa see on the security footage in scene 2.2. I'm debating whether the orphanage doors are locked. If they're locked, Romano/the reader know this is a supernatural event, which is probably best to avoid for now. If they're unlocked, then Romano could reason the way I did above, which I think is preferable for this scene. He could think it was someone who entered the orphanage before the doors were locked for the night.
The howl is something a human can do, so Romano could reason that away too.

I hear you. For me it's tax season in three countries, and the Antichrist half of my story is not coming together

Congratulations on your wedding!

Did some edits of scene 2.2 (chapter 4) and put  it back up. Didn't bother to republish. You and Seabrass haven't blessed it yet, so that should suffice. Blessed. Get it?

As you know, capitalization of titles is the bane of my existence. In this case, there is only one duke in the story and capitalizing it grants him greater status in the story. Also, I question your rule of one. For example, in Galaxy Tales, there are three emperors (Nero, Apollo, and Caligula). Would you still capitalize it? Also, what about all the historical emperors? (Technically it's no longer an issue since I changed their titles to Augustus, but still...).

On second thought, does that example above (about the Duke) even need an 'and' to be grammatically correct? The longer I stare at it, the more it appears correct as is.

How are you doing, Amy?

Thank you, Temple. :-)

Okay. The reporter is out for the first draft. I want to see how the story reads without him before deciding if there's any use for him. I've decided that if there is a reporter, he'll die late in the story. A thinning of the herd.

I'm considering adding an annoying reporter to dog the detectives throughout the hunt, also per your suggestion.

Let's just say he's not the marrying type. Feel free to guess though. :-)

I can't figure out a way to have my detectives discuss the case "to date" (which is roughly 3-5 days old) for the reader's benefit without it coming off like it's solely for the reader. The draft internal monologue I wrote strikes me as phony too, although I could probably live with it. I have a scene later where they report to the "higher ups", but if I pull that scene forward (so they have someone to report everything to, including the reader), things will move too quickly. I'll have even more trouble telling the detectives' half of the story while limiting the gore. Granted, the Book of Revelation is mostly murder and mayhem, but it doesn't often go down to telling about the deaths of individuals (with details like the cardinal hanging from the chandelier). Mostly the Book of Revelation is death on a large scale, which starts in my book two. I'm not sure how many individual deaths I can get away with before it becomes inappropriate for a Catholic audience. So far, there's been only one confirmed murder (the hanging cardinal). Murders two and three almost went undetected since the two clerics appeared to die in their sleep and were buried without an autopsy (a common occurrence in Italy). There'll be at least one "accidental" death (details TBD) and perhaps one cleric discovered to have been buried alive.

One option is to make most of the deaths seem natural, but it's hard to keep up the tension that way. Another option is to have the detectives visit other cities (countries?) where more deaths have occurred before they get there. The latter is fraught with problems, not least of which will be other police officers "telling" my detectives everything they know about a case, rather than the detectives actively investigating. It also requires knowledge of police practices, ranks, vehicles, landmarks, and terminology outside of Rome, which requires more research than I'm willing to tackle for a few extra deaths.

Suggestions?