Some writers use a lot of words, even though their pieces read very smoothly and swiftly. Others write prose with few words that nonetheless seems very busy.
Word count is an imperfect measure, but it may be the best we have. If your writing takes a lot of points to post, it should give your reviewers a relative lot of points, and so should be more attractive to them.
Or that they only want him because they can attract him, and can pull his strings. Because they can pull his strings. Because they can own him. Maybe they're not actually like that ... but gee, it looked and felt like it.
It could also be that a few 'suitable' women have been pushed at him and he's recoiled from their empty heads and hearts, and the experience has pushed him away from the whole business. Catherine is not in their class, nor they in hers. That could lead to him becoming more controlled.
Catherine's willingness to stand by her worthless brother might just make Matthew's fire burn all the hotter; this is virtue as he can appreciate it..
I need to spend a few hours in a hurry straightening mine. There's a crew coming in on Friday morning to replace the bathroom floor with one that won't crack all over the place when a heavy person walks on it. I'm lighter than I used to be, but the floor joists are only 2x6's. A vitreous floor will crack.
Amy, I made a few edits to Books for Pengrit. I didn't cover everything you wanted, and I probably won't.
Matthew may have been pre-occupied by taking over his position, especially if the circumstances of his father's death were drawn-out or troubling. He might also have been tied up with fighting and family politics.
My first chapter can only be so long ... So would it be good to mention the raid sooner? I agree Amy. But is it really important (critically so) to know more now about the raid that killed C's father when the only reason behind it is to "show" Matthew's warrior skills? I don't think so, but I could be wrong ...
Don't stretch your first chapter. Instead, use the current risk to Matthew to have him wonder (later in the story) about whether the two are related. And you can put up a flashback for him to wonder about.
Janet, even when Matthew and Black J were playing, it would have been natural for Matthew to have taken the lead. Later, when John was widowed, the natural tendency to turn to the 'technical' aspects of his work and away from the human parts would increase that effect.
Prime suspects are Catherine's step-relations.
Well, he showed up in the first chapter. We just don't know who he is.
Just when it looks like Matthew and Catherine have either reached stasis or are an arm's length length from Real Progress, the villain must strike again.
This is Romance. The villians add danger as a complication. They are serious potholes, but unlike Tom Clancy villians they must never completely drive the story.
Except in your stories, of course.
Or Insatiables?
This is the smallest of things on which to hang that question.
I'll give this more thought, but I have other things to do. I've got a scene in my head that won't happen the way I'm seeing it, but I might put it up anyway. I have some revision on Nikkano and Erevain. And I have to get back to Nikkano today.
And yet he played well with Matthew as a child. Impatience could explain him not 'playing well' as an adult. That, and not being able to live out adventures as he did when he was playing.
Janet, I yield to your superiority in chemistry.
See Matthew training and wiping the floor with people--and schooling them, so it's clear they are not toadying. (Maybe he walks in, then interrupts where necessary.) Then have Black John critique Matthew privately, leading to a training session where Black John schools Matthew--soundly. And the discussion turns to strategy, politics, and the human element, and it's clear that Black John is the eternal student who nonetheless asks hard questions.
(Maybe Black John lacks the patience to instruct the lesser students? Or presses them to learn faster than they can? He asks others to do things when he wants to husband his patience?)
For 'chosen': elect, select
For 'reaper' you might consider 'soldier'. It focusses on position and organization function rather than mission function.
For the bottom level: brutes, swine, appetites, insatiates, ... I'm not really satisfied by any of these.
KH's words are address. Amy's are titles. Not sure these guys would call each other 'brother'; they are just too cut-throat. 'Master' addressing upwards sounds right insofar as they are apprentices.
And yet no chemist would confuse an alkane with an alkene. Why? Because he's primed to look for the difference. Nor would most people have a hard time distinguishing butane with butadiene. Why? The word lengths are different, for one thing, and the latter word has the unusual syllable 'dien(e)'. Even without interpreting it as a diphone, the words look different.
That name could come from history (their creator, the place of their creation, etc.), or their goals, or how they see themselves (masters of life and death), among other things. To the extent that it tells us about goals or creation, or about means, the reveal of the name can reveal key information.
Consider the thoughts of the anagrammatic sutler.
... with Black John, lets just say if you want to be their enemy, it's best to stay rational and have a sound mind ... pretending to be a ninja in Northern England isn't going to work or very clever
It was my impression that if you wanted to be on the wrong side of Black John it would help to have either an army or a death wish.
For example, in my stories, telepaths call themselves telepaths and muggles call them "tele-creepos". This latter term has appeared in derision occasionally, but it never really sees the light of say because I'm so rarely in the villains reference frame that it never gets firmly established.
Teeps and Creeps?
As a reader, am I reading about the Wolves? Or am I reading about a world that the Wolves just happen to exist in?
I think the answer must wait until we know whether this story ends the Age of Diminishment, or maybe even ends all magic. If not, it could be either Event or Milieu. But if it does change the Age, it will be hard not to see it as a Milieu story.
I took a drive down to Baltimore on Wednesday, to watch the Mets (lose). On the way, I mused about the name confusion in one of my families.
Harsan (father), Glasias (mother), Glaselle (eldest daughter), Harsel (young son), Gelsa (young daughter)
Of these five, I consider Harsan and Glaselle to be immutable. After more thought, I'm considering changes, thus:
Harsan (unchanged), Gelamy (from Glasias), Glaselle (unchanged), Harlas, or maybe Harsell (spelling change) (from Harsel), and Gelsa (unchanged)
Do you think this reduces the ease of confusion?
So ... they are tied up with The Defiler. What do they call The Defiler? Do they worship it/s/he? Given the power The Defiler uses over others, what do they gain by trafficing with and giving themselves over to this soul-consumer? Are they dupes?
If you've not read The Screwtape Letters you might want to read the author's intro. "no use for such turnip ghosts" is, as I recall it, the key phrase. If you've read That Hideous Strength, think of Frost and Wither and their obsession. (Don't go out of your way now to read it.)
Blood and Thunder ... Saundon's hot breath! Does Ghen of the phosphorescent privates have priests?
