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Congratulations Randy!

I don't think three rules: closed room murder and two fan fic characters is that restrictive. That's three rules, really. No mention of specific genre. Or specific POV. I like the idea.

Completed chapters 13-17 of Stephanie's Day of Darkness;
and Chapter 7 of Randy's A Cartel's Revenge.

Hey Stephanie,
I owe you a few reviews, I'm going to put you next up on my schedule.
Glad you're back, I missed Sammy, Micky, Zeke et al were up to!

Congratulations! Looking forward to reading it when it's available.

Hey Alkemi,
Below is what I was talking about "show" don't "tell."
To me, it seems like most of your book is telling us the story. It gives it a distant feel, the reader can't commit to the characters. It's also a passive approach. You're telling the readers everything, not letting them connect the dots on their own.
Below is an example of (what I perceive) as the difference between telling and showing:

This is telling:

Walking back to Dal at 9:30 on the cold clear fall evening, Tony heard noises coming from the small wooded area that was separated from Beaufort St. by the sidewalk and a narrow band of grass with occasional shrubs and small trees. Tony walked across the grass to investigate what sounded like a large animal crashing about in the undergrowth.
His first thought was a bear, but he was sure no bears lived in this patch of urban forest. There were undoubtedly deer and raccoons, and quite possibly foxes, but no bears. As he peered into the undergrowth, a girl of twelve or thirteen with bare feet and a short badly torn dress stumbled out of the woods. The skirt seemed to be ripped up past her waist and one of her barely developing breasts was exposed from a second tear in the bodice. She collapsed on the grass just a few yards from him. He wrapped his coat around her before noticing blood gushing from a wound in the area between her legs. The blood had stained the remnants of her dress and was running down her bare legs.
He called 911 as he tried to stop the flow using a handkerchief to help hold the two sides of a substantial cut together. The girl was conscious and squeezed her legs together to help put pressure on the wound, but refused to talk as they waited for the ambulance. She just shook her head when Tony offered to call her parents.
Why was a young teenager in these woods on a cold evening wearing nothing but a short summer dress? And how did she end up with a major laceration in such an intimate location? She must have been attacked, but where was her assailant? Was he just out of sight in the dark woods and likely to attack at any moment? Or had he left, hoping to escape capture?
The paramedics assessed the situation, moved the girl onto a stretcher and took over application of first aid. When they tried to move her into the ambulance, she clung to Tony and implored him not to leave her. The medics suggested he accompany them. At this point a police car arrived and one officer jumped into the ambulance. The second one remained at the scene. At the hospital’s Emergency Room, the paramedics rushed the girl in for treatment, and Officer Robichaud interviewed Tony in a room next to the triage area. After the interview, she talked to the doctors before offering to take him home. He requested a ride to Dalhousie because he had work to do. She dropped him on her way to interview Tim saying she would be back in half an hour.

Now try showing:

Tony left the Wilkes’ at 9:30. The night was crisp, with just a hint of smoke– early fires for the brisk fall evening. He was just passing a narrow wooded area when rustling grabbed his attention. When it was followed by a low whimper, Tony broke stride to investigate, fearing it may be an injured pet or even a wild animal. Deer, raccoons and even fox were not unheard of in the area.
He dashed across the grass, heading for the shrubbery towards the back of the lot, just as a girl over twelve or thirteen stumbled out and collapsed a few yards away.
“Holy shit!” Tony exclaimed sliding down next to her, fumbling for his phone. “Are you okay?” The girl’s appearance wasn’t lost on him. No coat. Bare feet. Short torn dress, exposing her barely developed breasts. And the blood.
He punched in the digits, his face flushed and eyes wide. “Yes..” he spoke into the phone, now slick with sweat. “Is this 911- there’s this girl… where am I? I’m…” He looked around, his brain momentarily frozen. “…the nature of my call…Oh. A girl, she’s hurt, bleeding actually … we’re at that wooded lot just off of Beaufort Street….crossroad?  Elm… She’s hurt bad.. you gotta get someone here… yes, I’ll leave it open, you can trace.. What do I do, she’s….”
The girl was squeezing her legs together, trying to stow the flow of blood, gushing from a gash. He put his phone on speaker and set it next to the girl, then removed his coat to cover her shaking shoulders and keep her from going into shock. Then he took of his shirt and looking reassuringly at the young girl, dared to press it into the wound. “The operator…she said we need to apply pressure to the wound.”
The girl nodded, her face pale, near glowing in the developing moonlight.
In the distance he heard the sirens, and less than a minute later the paramedics were pulling to the curb…

Anyway, you get my meaning. I don’t know all the rules of writing, I’m not a professional writer (yet) have not been published. But I am an avid reader. I love to read. But for me, books are active participation. The best writers set up the bare bones and let the reader fill in the minutia. Telling a story is like watching tv, no participation on the reader’s end. Books are better than that.

I tend to be influenced by everything- just read the ingredients in a box of Milkbones and am wondering why she likes it better than her Dog Chow.

My sister's singing

And now for my observations about the Brotherhood, which confuses me (at least at this stage of reading).
The Brotherhood: I'm not sure at this point whether these men are really on the side of mankind, or demons in desguise. The red glowing eyes suggest demons as well as other observations I'll state in a minute. If that is your intent, then we'll done. If not, then there are some issues (in my opinion) that need to be addressed.
The reason I don't buy that that's men are on the side of good: I'm not sure where Patrick's dad stands whether he is being tricked too, or fighting for the demons, we only know Patrick's intentions.
There are underlining motivations proved out in just about every book or movie I've ever read/watched governing those groups on the side of evil, vs those groups on the side of good. Those perpetuating evil are held together by negative emotions, traits, and motivations such as fear, greed and pursuit of power and money. That's why they are so expendable, if they mess up they are often killed, their bodies either left to rot where they fall, or unceremoniously disposed of. Those in the pursuit of good, or the fighting of evil are held together by positive attributes such as camrodery, sense of family, loyalty, love, hope, sense of purpose. That's why they protect each other-no man left behind...etc.
Your Brotherhood appeared to be held together by fear. There was a pompous vibe from the leader who arrived late. I understand the need for secrecy, but having them be nothing more than numbers dehumanizes them. There was no sense of camrodery at all. The use of the higher numbers does imply there are many of them, though this sect only has nine members. So one can imply they are spread out across the globe looking for signs and it just happened to be members of this sect that witnessed the miracle. However, I really don't get the thrones, at all. I don't see them  lugging around thrones for a clandestine meeting, or leaving them behind to be found.
Take care,
CJ

Just completed Chapters 7 and 8 of Suin's Being Fifteen

What about:  of a frozen statuesque composure....

Wow, Norm,
Looks like you're a very busy man. I didn't know you were ill, hope you allow yourself some rest.
I'm looking forward to visiting the website once it's finished.
Have a great Thanksgiving, everyone!