1,301 Reply by Dirk B.

(1,415 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Yikes! I went to save my new names bible and found one already existed in my directory. Had fifty detailed entries in it. Last updated in April. Can't remember doing any of it. 8-(

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1,302 Reply by Dirk B.

(1,415 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Oops. I have three characters with names that all start with C: Connor, Campagna, and Calabrese, and three that start with A: Angelo, Alessandro, and Father Albo (the referee). Time to create a names bible.

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1,303 Reply by Dirk B.

(1,415 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

As far as execution goes, I think you know from earlier posts that the Catholic Church will send Connor to the Holy Land to get him away from the Antichrist and to retrace the footsteps of Jesus to try and jog his memory of his past life as Jesus, assuming it's him. The latest version of the prologue is taken from a future chapter somewhere in the Holy Land, near the Sea of Galilee.

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1,304 Reply by Dirk B.

(1,415 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Definitely the new version. It's supposed to be a thriller. The original version was more suitable for a YA book. As I mentioned above, I'm still wondering if Connor should save Alessandro to minimize the violence in this book (the bodies are piling up). At a minimum, I need to tweak the chapter so that Connor is a little more emotional about Alessandro's death. Right now he's crying tears of joy. Not much empathy there.

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1,305 Reply by Dirk B.

(1,415 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Odd. I thought the book content summary covered that in detail:

Fourteen-year-old Connor, an orphan in Rome, has special gifts. He comforts the grieving, heals the sick, and casts out demons from the possessed. As the Catholic Church struggles to understand his supernatural abilities, a police investigation into the deaths of several cardinals in the city uncovers a centuries-old conspiracy to topple the Church from within. Soon the Pope’s Council of Cardinal Advisers concludes they are being stalked by the Antichrist, and Connor becomes his main target. The Council must move swiftly to save Connor, who may be their long-awaited Christ returned as a boy, something that seems to defy Scripture. Thus begins a desperate struggle between good and evil that will decide the fate of humanity.

The main development in this scene comes at the end when Campagna meets Connor. In hindsight, the soccer match was too long/detailed/confusing. Its purpose was to show off Connor's physical powers developing, which is the part I kept. Although I don't want constant murder and mayhem in this book, attacks by the Antichrist can be deadly. I was having trouble finding a use for Alessandro. Killing him seemed like the best way to go.

Would it be better if I had Connor save Alessandro?

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1,306 Reply by Dirk B.

(1,415 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

V2 of Campagna Meets Connor is up. All-but-killed the soccer match, and many other changes described in the chapter notes.

Quick, go read!
Dirk

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1,307 Reply by Dirk B.

(5 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Thanks, Ray. I'll include that in a future draft. I'm so sick of scene 1.2. I've rewritten it (almost totally) at least four times. Page count changed dramatically between drafts. I plan to have the dark being destroy much of the church in the next draft (exploding windows, collapsing altar, etc.). Couldn't do it this pass because it affects much of what I've already written/planned.

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1,308 Reply by Dirk B.

(5 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Thank you.

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1,309 Topic by Dirk B.

(5 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

I have a question about my use of italics in this paragraph:

The cardinal crossed himself, then used the jagged edge of his key to gouge his hand three times, shouting, “In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti!” With his bleeding hand, he yanked the pectoral cross from around his neck, gripping it as tightly as any crusader ever held a sword. He charged the satanic being, roaring, “Amen!”

I already say the cardinal shouts/roars in these sentences, plus they end with exclamation marks. I emphasized Patris, Filii, and Spiritus Sancti as those are the specific words he shouts with each gouge. In the last sentence (Amen!), I figured he would probably be just as emphatic with his roar of that word as he would with Patris, Filii, etc.

Am I overdoing it? I don't normally use much italics, so this is an outlier.

Thanks
Dirk

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1,310 Reply by Dirk B.

(10 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Thanks, all. It doesn't look like there's a disease that involves generalized inflammation that, as it progresses, leads to coughing up of blood and causes/worsens inflammation of the skin (and maybe other organs). I checked out all of your suggestions, but they're not close enough to what I need. There is such a thing as chronic low-level inflammation, which can affect the whole body, but it doesn't progress to increasingly severe inflammation. Instead, it leads to heart attacks and strokes, among other health problems. I think I'll go with systemic inflammation (somewhere between chronic and acute). The exact cause will be a mystery until the end of book one.

Thanks for your suggestions.
Dirk

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1,311 Topic by Dirk B.

(10 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

I'm looking for a disease I can use in my story. Ideally an inflammatory disease that causes you to cough up blood and which becomes progressively worse with time, albeit with some days better than others. It doesn't need to be fatal, but bonus points if it is. If it causes or worsens inflammation of the skin, too, Santa will bring you rum cake at Christmas.

If such a disease doesn't exist, well, it should. I'll have to make one up. Feel free to suggest names.

Thanks
Dirk

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1,312 Reply by Dirk B.

(17 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

&

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1,313 Reply by Dirk B.

(17 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

This is usually the point at which Vern also enters the thread. Feel free to completely detail this thread at this point. I got what I needed.

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1,314 Reply by Dirk B.

(17 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Placing single quotes around & worked. It even works with MS-Word smart quotes. Thanks, njc.
Ray, & didn't work, but thanks for the suggestion.

Dirk

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1,315 Reply by Dirk B.

(17 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Or an error message that there's an unsupported & in the chapter.

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1,316 Reply by Dirk B.

(17 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Sol, the algorithm that calculates points is choking on the & character. It only calculate points up to the first & in the chapter. That's a pretty important character for some books. I refer to an actual submachine gun manufacturer named Heckler & Koch. Any chance that character can be supported by the site?

Thanks
Dirk

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1,317 Reply by Dirk B.

(17 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Definitely a site bug. I tried publishing a v4 with the same content as v3, and it still won't go higher than 0.07 points. I then tripled the content of v4, and it still pays only 0.07.

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1,318 Reply by Dirk B.

(17 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

When I shorten the chapter to one paragraph, it goes down to 0.02 points, but when I put the whole chapter back in and save, it maxes out at 0.07.

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1,319 Topic by Dirk B.

(17 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

The site seems to be misbehaving with my prologue points. In the chapter view, it shows only 0.07 points, which is incorrect. The chapter is about three pages in MS-Word, which is normally at least 0.5 points. Previous versions of the prologue (v1 and v2), which were shorter than the current v3, show the correct number of points. Only v3 is affected.

Is anyone else seeing this?

Thanks
Dirk

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1,320 Reply by Dirk B.

(1,415 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Amen! Hopefully no more major rewrites of chapter two. I'm so sick of that chapter.

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1,321 Reply by Dirk B.

(1,415 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

LOL. If I live long enough, I may try for that. The pace doesn't suit my current WIP, though. I'm still tweaking it, trying to get a better flow of that paragraph and the end of the chapter. Almost there.

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1,322 Reply by Dirk B.

(1,415 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Damn! That is a fantastic description. My writing style is crap in comparison.

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1,323 Reply by Dirk B.

(1,415 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Thanks. I'll give it a read.

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1,324 Reply by Dirk B.

(1,415 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Site hiccup. Here's the changed version. I changed the last two sentences.

Vitale always admired the frescos and statues that adorned the church. Indeed, it had a long and storied history. Saint Lawrence, for whom the church was named, was martyred by Roman Emperor Valerian in 258 AD and entombed under what was now the altar. Other saints and popes were buried there as well. The first church over the site was built in the sixth century, and a second in the thirteenth century. The two were later combined, before being bombed in World War II. It was then lovingly restored by men inspired by God.

Thoughts?

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1,325 Reply by Dirk B.

(1,415 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Here's the current version:

Vitale always admired the frescos and statues that adorned the church. Indeed, it had a long and storied history. Saint Lawrence, for whom the church was named, was martyred by Roman Emperor Valerian in 258 AD and entombed under what was now the altar. Other saints and popes were buried there as well. The first church over the site was built in the sixth century, and a second in the thirteenth century. The two were later combined. Vitale smiled. Those who built them were clearly inspired by God.

I have to admit I felt that 'Vitale smiled. Those who built them were clearly inspired by God.' reads like it was tacked on, but the lead in seems correct.

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