I'm on the mend
Glad to hear it. It doesn't help that many uninsured in the US have to go to the hospital ER to get non-emergency medical care. The long wait time in very uncomfortable chairs in the Jersey City ER was more stressful than anything else. I finally discovered that in the middle of the night there was virtually no waiting.
Talk about having a big old stick up your butt...
Here's the ordering if I delay both articles until later:
1. For the Realm! - intro to Admiral Windsor aka Joseph's grandmother in 3994 AD
2. Boys With a Destiny - intro to Joseph, Apollo, and God, fast forward thru childhood to 4017 AD
3. The Shadow of Death - Joseph's first full chapter, his world and its history, action begins
4. A Pax Romana - Apollo's first full chapter, intro to the shogun, Apollo's destiny revealed
5. Galactipedia: The Great Collapse of Civilization - first major galactic event of the future
6. I Will Shake the Universe - Andrew's hanging, Joseph's destiny revealed
7. Galactipedia: The Rise of the Julii - second major future event
8. Title TBD - intro to the imperator and imperatrix, their relationships with Apollo, the Throne Room
It just doesn't work. Joseph writes his essay before the reader knows anything substantive about the Great Collapse. Also, we then seesaw back and forth between story chapter and Galactipedia starting from chapter four. One of the advantages of having the Great Collapse before the main story chapters is that it gives history that affects both MCs. The New Bethlehem essay is relevant to Joseph. And the Rise of the Julii is relevant to Apollo.
Here's what it looks like if I move the essay out as a Galactipedia article:
1. For the Realm! - intro to Admiral Windsor aka Joseph's grandmother in 3994 AD
2. Boys With a Destiny - intro to Joseph, Apollo, and God, fast forward thru childhood to 4017 AD
3. Galactipedia: The Great Collapse of Civilization
4. The Shadow of Death - Joseph's first full chapter, action begins
5. A Pax Romana - Apollo's first full chapter, intro to the shogun, Apollo's destiny revealed
6. Galactipedia: New Bethlehem
7. I Will Shake the Universe - Andrew's hanging, Joseph's destiny revealed
8. Galactipedia: The Rise of the Julii
9. Title TBD - intro to the imperator and imperatrix, their relationships with Apollo, the Throne Room
This one at least is balanced. Two opening chapters, an article before starting the main story, two story chapters (one per MC), followed by one article+chapter for each MC.
As K noted somewhere, my early chapter ordering bounces around quite a bit between semi-prologue, MCs, and Galactipedia articles:
1. For the Realm! - intro to Admiral Windsor aka Joseph's grandmother in 3994 AD
2. Boys With a Destiny - intro to Joseph, Apollo, and God, fast forward thru childhood to 4017 AD
3. Galactipedia: The Great Collapse of Civilization - first major galactic event of the future
4. The Shadow of Death - Joseph's first full chapter, his world and its history, action begins
5. Galactipedia: The Rise of the Julii - second major future event
6. A Pax Romana - Apollo's first full chapter, intro to the shogun, Apollo's destiny revealed
7. I Will Shake the Universe - Andrew's hanging, Joseph's destiny revealed
8. Title TBD - intro to the imperator and imperatrix, their relationships with Apollo, the Throne Room
The Great Collapse has to come before The Rise of the Julii (about 2 pages each), and both need to come very early in the story. I could potentially delay Rise of the Julii to just before chapter 8 (Apollo's second full chapter). That would give me three story chapters after the Great Collapse before the next article. I also snuck in a two-page "essay" by Joseph into chapter 4 which would have otherwise been another article. I'm still itching to do it that way. Add to all this the fact that the story chapters alternate between Joseph and Apollo. Any publisher looking at this would probably say WTF? Talk about demolishing a formula.
Thoughts?
I looked up bigly. It's a word! My theory is that Trump, really a Democrat, is actually brilliant and putting on a reality show while secretly destroying the Republican Party.
Those aren't nice ways to talk about Kdot.
The Bombastic Boss of Bling
means: Run! Run like the wind!
How about:
New Bethlehem is a God-fearing world, founded by religious conservatives descended from the Reverend ‘Bombast,’ as he was affectionately known among his flock. The Reverend Bombast was a sitting U.S. president when he famously ‘tweeted’ his resignation from the Oval Office after being sovereignly chosen and called by God to a higher purpose. His heirs eventually fled Earth in the late third millennium to escape the planet’s ever-worsening Warming, and the Imperium’s cowardly tyrannical oppression.
I think tweet is probably safe since future candidates are going to have to have a Twitter presence, at least until the fad runs its course. You're right, though, I have to find a name that "could" be Trump, without naming him. Pastor Bling? Reverend Bombast?
Knowing as my regulars do the extent of nonsense in my book, I was wondering if the following is too over-the-top. I'm leaning toward punting it. (Joseph is dictating this to his AI as an essay.)
“Let’s keep going. … New Bethlehem is a God-fearing world, founded by a conservative religious dynasty descended from Shepherd Donald Trump, who famously “tweeted” his resignation as U.S. President to take up a “higher calling.” Followers of his faith eventually fled Earth in the late third millennium to escape the planet’s ever-worsening Warming, and the Imperium’s cowardly tyrannical oppression.”
Thanks
Dirk
If you have or are going to read chapter 4, I suggest listening to this first. It's a hoot, and relevant.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9CnPv_1SVh0
Aussie will just die.
Jokesaurus
big guide means a lot of joshing
Gallistony
Woohoo! Chapter 4 is up (the attack on the palace).
Quick, go read!
I don't understand why the expanded distribution increases the price of the book through CreateSpace. Is it because the purchase of your book in the expanded distribution space includes reseller markup?
I've received feedback that -ing verbs should be avoided whenever possible. Here's an example:
Alexander raced from behind the desk to come to Joseph’s aid, but Cain elbowed Joseph’s father in the face, driving him to the ground, dazed and bleeding.
In the above, the word 'driving' can be replaced with 'which drove.' One word replaced by two.
Is this a common rule of thumb to follow?
Oh, and crisper wins as the default rifle. Toaster reappears as the handgun. The other names may be versions of those.
Knife tech will be a third class of weapon.
I like Stir-fry a lot.
Microwaver, perhaps?
Meatball Maker.
I'll Google kitchen tech and have a little fun. There are probably a bunch related to knives, too.
This is gonna rock! Thanks
Dirk
Orange Oligarchy
It's probably a good thing. Maybe crisper for the rifle and toaster for the handgun. I could never warm up to fryer as the main weapon, which led to flesh eater. Actually, all the possible food cooking tech makes for great nonsense. But what would a rice cooker do?
All manufactured by Acme, of course.
Actually mine should say: Joseph studied Andrew as he was led away. Better yet: As they led Andrew away, Joseph studied him.
I think there would be more information in the scene to clarify whose watch it is. Or, apply a little deep POV: the thief skulked away with John's gold watch. Gets rid of that pesky 'watched.' Therefore, mine should be: they led Andrew away. I'll see if I can make that fit.
She returned her attention to the general. “I want answers by morning."
This is similar to the last one, although I'm used to seeing the dialogue associated with the subject of the sentence.
Thank you.
Joseph watched Andrew as he was led away.
In the above sentence, it's Andrew who is being led away. Is it clear that the pronoun is associated with Andrew, or does it refer to the subject of the sentence? I've seen it done both ways.
Thanks
Dirk
