2,901

(1,634 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

max keanu wrote:

constitutional democracy

For now ....

2,902

(1,634 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

misterindirect

2,903

(5 replies, posted in Writing Tips & Site Help)

Imperials is an odd duck. I originally capitalized all occurences of Imperial based on your observation that it is like Canadian, which made sense. However, I found that inconsistent with every other resource I looked at for usage of imperial. Since Imperials is short for imperial forces, I went with lowercase for that, too. For now. :-)

2,904

(5 replies, posted in Writing Tips & Site Help)

Thanks, Janet. I lowercased perimeter because there is one per palace on Earth, so there is more than just one. Based on a bit of research, emblem is lowercase even though Coat of Arms is capitalized (at least in Britain). As a result, I went with imperial palace (lowercase) for consistency, but will name the palace as you suggest.

As for imperial family, I went lowercase. Otherwise I would end up with caps on Imperial Family but lowercase on imperator, which is wrong. I don't want to capitalize imperator since that causes a cascade of other inconsistencies. It looks weird to me to put royal family and imperial family lowercase (ditto for imperator), but I'm sure I'll get used to it. If not, I'll be back. :-)

Thanks for your help.

2,905

(1 replies, posted in Writing Tips & Site Help)

Janet Taylor-Perry wrote:

How would you write overdosed if you used OD? would it be OD'd or ODed?

I'd use OD'd.

If it helps, here's mine: Not even the End of Act 1 of v3 of Book 1 of 5.

Donkey droppings!

The End of Act 1 of Book 1 of 5.

Oh poo!

2,908

(1,634 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

USA! USA! USA!

2,909

(1,217 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

I disagree about Deux ex Machina. Computers can already perform facial recognition. I could easily see future guns being manufactured so they can't kill heads of state, unarmed children, police, etc. (e.g., guns would have to be updated regularly, like GPS maps, in order for them to keep working; the updates determine who can't be shot at).

Kdot, there's virtually no way she could have stopped all four from entering. It would have gone very quickly and they were all armored. She would have tried to stall them until reinforcements could get there, and would have pumped them for information in the meantime. Firing is necessary only when Cain physically attacks them.

I like disarming them remotely. It's a nice surprise for the reader and a key element to the scene and the actions that follow. I just need to reduce the risk associated with them trying to kill Joseph (e.g., What if the remote disarming failed?). She should be firing as soon as he was being targeted.

2,910

(1,217 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Opinions, please (as if I could stop you).

You may recall that in the chapter entitled the Shadow of Death, the royal palace is attacked and the royal family is taken hostage. There is s scene where the ringleader, Cain, orders his son to kill Joseph, but he refuses to do it. Cain then pulls the trigger himself, but nothing happens. He grabs his son's gun and tries to fire. Again nothing. The queen (a regent in v3) reveals the big secret that the intruders' guns were automatically disabled when they entered the palace. She then reveals the only working weapon, a basic blaster, as opposed to the intruders' assault rifles. Cain charges her, Joseph jumps in, gets beat up, the queen eventually fires at Cain, saving the day.

I took a lot of heat from several people because she waited until Joseph had been "shot at" twice before revealing why the weapons failed. My rationale was that, even though she had the only working weapon, the royal family was outnumbered (4 to 3) and the intruders all wore body armor. There's no way she could have taken them all down with a blaster before they charged, which could have easily given them control of the blaster. She was stalling, waiting for reinforcements.

I've reworked the scene somewhat, but it's still largely as described above, perhaps with better explanations of her motives and a more powerful hidden weapon (a rifle).

Given the above rationale, is the delay in firing reasonable? Basically, the queen waits until there is no other choice.

Thoughts?

2,911

(6 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Welcome, Jack. Your posting in the right place. Can you tell us what you write about? Also, is it a book, short stories, poems, etc.? Some of the site's groups have withered, but we can probably steer you to the most appropriate ones depending on your interests.

njc wrote:

Are you calling Dirk an AI, or does that jave to be capitalized?

I prefer Sage. Be sure to capitalize it. I am not a herb.

Ann provided some creative examples that reduce the repetiveness of my examples. Those are handy, regardless of how deep the POV. I'm trying to apply some of the basic principles of deep POV as I write (fewer saw, heard, felt, thought, etc.). But, it has its own rules to follow and is not something you can perfect overnight.

Thanks, Ann. Your examples are great. I'll play with it some more to see how best to apply them.

Charles, I think you're referring to deep POV. I looked at writing the story that way, but wasn't comfortable with it. I found it too limiting, perhaps because I'm not familiar with it.

Yaks? Aww, thems just hairy cows. Up here you need to put a polar bear over your feet if you want to keep from freezing your yaks off.

2,916

(1,634 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Gay machos.

Thanks, Ann.

Below is a representative sample. FYI, Rosary is a robot maid, but is considered a "she" rather than an "it" by Joseph. Moses is the palace AI system. This is all from Joseph's POV.

Miss Rosary appeared in the doorway and addressed Joseph's mother. “May I be of assistance, Your Majesty?”
Joseph’s mother waved impatiently and said, “Rosary, get in here! Keep out of the way.”
Rosary did as instructed. As she cleared the room’s entrance, Joseph’s mother spoke into the air. “Moses, secure the doorway!”

As you can see that's a lot of "Joseph's mother", sometimes 2-3 per paragraph where there are three females about, so using she or her doesn't always work. The scene moves so fast, there is no real way for Joseph to transition from his mother to regent and back. I tried to use the words "Joseph's mother" and regent to serve as the transitions themselves, but I can't get it consistent.

Here's another:

Joseph's mother nodded. “Then may God be with all of you, Alicia.” She hesitated, then spoke into the air again. “All right, Moses, close it up.”

The reference to Joseph's mother as "she" in the third sentence is probably technically correct, but in my opinion causes confusion between Alicia and Joseph's mother.

The alternative is:

Joseph's mother nodded. “Then may God be with all of you, Alicia.” Joseph's mother hesitated, then spoke into the air again. “All right, Moses, close it up.”

Too repetitive?

I have a POV character named Joseph who is together with his mother, Mary, who is the royal regent of the planet New Bethlehem. Normally, Joseph thinks of her primarily as his mother, not Mary or regent. However, in the middle of an attempted coup, Joseph's mother is very active in the scene (she gives orders, acts, reacts, etc.). I can't keep calling her "Joseph's mother" as it becomes very repetitive in the scene, even within individual paragraphs. Is there any reason I should avoid calling her Mary or regent as well, thereby reducing the repetitiveness? I find this issue comes up frequently, and I'm often told to choose one way that the POV character thinks about someone and stick with it.

I'm curious how others handle this in their own writing.

Thanks.

2,919

(5 replies, posted in Writing Tips & Site Help)

Thanks, Charles. Very helpful.

I'm treating Imperial Fleet like US Navy, hence caps.
I'm rethinking Imperial Perimiter. It's a no-fly zone. I may drop the caps for consistency with palace, family, and emblem.
Colosseum was a typo and refers to the one in Rome, hence caps.
I settled on imperials instead of Imperials, since it's really just short for imperial forces.

I think I'm set (until next time). :-)

Thanks.
Dirk

2,920

(1,217 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

And ... it's going down to the -40°s with wind chill tonight. That's over 70°F below the freezing point of water. Worse, I have to go out in this Scheisse tomorrow.

2,921

(5 replies, posted in Writing Tips & Site Help)

I've run into another round of capitalization issues that I need help with. I've been capitalizing the term Imperial throughout my book. I've been treating Imperium/Imperial as comparable to Canada/Candian. Pretty much no other resource I've checked capitalizes imperial, except as part of a proper noun (e.g., Imperial Rome). I've now run into a situation where Imperial should definitely be lowercase, so I'm abandoning capitalization of the word, which raises the following cases:

1. A small imperial fleet is approaching. (Lowercase.)
2. The entire Imperial Fleet is approaching. (Proper noun.)
3. The Imperial Perimiter is off limits. (Proper noun.)
4. The Imperial Colloseum collapsed. (Proper noun.)

5. The Imperials are attacking. (???)

6. The imperial admiral is approaching. (Lowercase.)
7. It was Imperial Admiral Gaius Lupus who attacked. (I'm treating Imperial as a formal part of his title, hence caps.)

8. The imperial palace was attacked. (??? Not sure exactly if "imperial palace" should be caps. It strikes me as odd that Imperial Perimeter would be capitalized, but not imperial palace.)

9. The imperial family was attacked. (??? Same question as imperial palace.)

10. His chest was emblazoned with the imperial emblem. (??? Same question. Wikipedia refers to Britain's coat of arms as either the Royal coat of arms or the Royal Arms. Other sources write it as Britain's Coat of Arms.)

11. The Imperial Classiarii attacked. (??? Classiarii is Latin for marines. Not sure if Imperial should be capitalized here or not. I assume it comes down to whether imperial and Classiarii form a proper noun. If I do capitalize it, doesn't that suggest that imperial family, imperial palace, and imperial emblem also be caps? If I take that to a ridiculous extreme, I'll end up with things like Imperial Farts. Where does the use of proper nouns begin and end?)

Thanks!

2,922

(1,217 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

I like your idea, Amy. There may be enough different kinds of attacks for a Galactipedia article. And it gives me another opportunity for nonsense.

2,923

(1,217 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

njc wrote:

Or ... the problem is supposed to be fixed, but (almost) no one trusts the tech?

Why would they? The developed world is in for a serious reckoning when the IoT takes off. One successful, simultaneous attack is all it takes, and we know that few government/business entities are secure enough to prevent a massive attack.

2,924

(1,217 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Janet (AJ) Reid wrote:

Dirk, I like wiseass. tongue

That's the Acme-branded toilet paper. It analyzes a sample of stool and transmits the results to your wisething. Yes, I'm kidding.

And shouldn't you be editing? Bzzt!

I'm endlessly tweaking my first two chapters because the third chapter is turning into a bear and I'm too lazy to tackle it.

One noteworthy change: I'm switching emperor and empress back to imperator and imperatrix. Screw the wordiness. I prefer the historical accuracy. Apollo goes back to being heres imperiales.

I'm also considering changing Imperial to imperial to match common usage (Wikipedia and Star Wars, as well as several history books I'm using). I originally chose caps because Imperium/Imperial is a lot like Canada/Canadian. That creates problems in sentences like this: the imperator let rip with an Imperial fart. See the problem? imperator is not important enough to capitalize, yet Imperial fart is.

2,925

(1,217 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

I'm hoping the aforementioned virus that blinds wiseeyes users will be sufficient to render them unusable. I'll look for an excuse to mention it. Perhaps even an event called the Great Blinding for a massive simultaneous attack in the past.