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Well, currently I use the following approach for each jump: 5 Years Later - 4010 AD. The countdown is a little more wordy, but not that different. It needs a better name than Wrath of God, though.

A few years ago, I considered making all dates relative to 4017. So 3994, for example, would have become 23 BA (Before Apocalypse) etc., and dates in later books would have been AA. I abandoned that as too complex, due to the detailed history I have to tell, but a countdown in these first chapters toward the "present" would be easier to grasp than the current randomish jumps forward. It also builds a little excitement, I think, the closer you get to liftoff.

I'm exhausted. Responding to Amy and Seabrass is Herculean work. This time around it was Seabrass who rewrote my stuff. And his is much gooder. v4, anyone?

Yeah, Seabrass killed me with his review. Amy not so much, since I addressed a lot of her concerns from the last draft.

I agree that it's dense, K, but not for the reason you mentioned. I set out to create a much richer chapter, including introductions to a lot of concepts that will subsequently be fleshed out as the story goes. I'm hoping to create much denser chapters throughout, providing for a richer read.

Obviously, I need to get them both involved with God at an early age, so that He doesn't simply appear to both of them in 4017 for the first time. That would blow away any possibility that this might be mental illness.

I could split the chapter in two, which might reduce the apparent time jumping. There are three here: Joseph at age 4, Apollo at age 7, and then 4017. If I split it, then we have Apollo and Joseph when they're young, and then both in the year 4017 in the next chapter.

I've been knocked upside the head before about info dumps. In this case, I put it all in the POV of the MCs. I don't want to stretch out the lives of the two kids when they're little with a lot of unnecessary filler content. However, if I split the chapter in two as mentioned above, I can slow it down a little.

Amy, if you're reading, the reason the epigraph tells you up front what is in the chapter is because it's difficult to navigate three time jumps for two boys of different ages. The epigraph helps the reader follow that. Those jumps are also the reason this chapter couldn't be chapter one - I felt it was too complex as an opening chapter. Also, now that Admiral Windsor comes back from the dead, I have the connection I've been trying to create between the two chapters.

I have to think some more if I want to split this in two.

Let me know if you think it will help.

Thanks
Dirk

Upon rereading, I don't care much for the three E's. Fortunately, there are a whole bunch of ways not to say radiated: sent forth, bathed in (for the receiver), arose, brimmed, manifested, etc. And spat venom will probably be reserved for Billie.

I'll resume reading now, since I'm behind on my recips.

Problem fixed. The three E's: emitted, exuded, emanated. Haven't used 'gave off' yet, since it's kind of dull. Still thinking about shone, since it's a visual, whereas the others are something you can feel without seeing them. I'm on the fence about dazzled.

Thank you, Kdot.
Dirk

EDIT: How about 'The admiral's presence spat venom.'? That's cool.

I reread it from your perspective. Those radiates stick out like a sore thumb. Will fix. Admiral Windsor was hoping for a real review. She's currently exuding boiling lava. :-)

Biggest alligator in the world is the black caiman. Lives in the Amazon rainforest around the freshwater Amazon river. Grows up to about 20 feet and weighs over one thousand pounds.

Double jeopardy? Bring it on!

Sloe Jobee? I don't get the reference. But then I'm slow and jobless, so it's close.

Thanks. Based on yesterday's results, I appear to have miscalculated the start date of the Great Collapse of Civilization. To my credit, chapter one mentions that Aussie was beheaded on the orders of then President Tru.... I`ll probably have to change that, since it's no longer funny. President Hillar... perhaps? Too soon?

Free apricot brandy at K's place. He has a whole barrel.

The paragraph below is from the new chapter two. I spent several paragraphs, including that one, describing Joseph's bedroom and world (through the open window). As you can see below, I then say none of that matters as I transition to the Voice. The natural question that arises is why I give all that information from Joseph's POV if he's entirely focused on the Voice. Even if there wasn't a voice, he would probably not think all of these descriptive thoughts explicitly after waking up in the middle of the night (although he might). Is this really a problem?

I'm not sure. I know of one person who missed work for three days, which had never happened to him before. He hasn't had a flu shot since.

Amy, can you tell me roughly how long a reaction to the flu vaccine lasts? These are considered a mild reaction to the vaccine? Sheesh. (Kdot, don't be a wuss. Get the vaccine.)