Search options (Page 110 of 171)

Thanks K, Bill. The original idea was to explain Acme in a Galactipedia article about interstellar travel.  A. Hinkley (a riff on R. Hinkley, the Gilligan's Island professor) discovers the starlanes, builds the first stardrive, founds Acme, which eventually becomes a galaxy-spanning monopoly. Unfortunately, that Galactipedia article won't appear until late in Act I, so I would be using Acme (or some other name) unexplained for a dozen chapters. Acme has the advantage of being slightly silly (too much, from what you're telling) and somewhat self-explanatory.

The three options I can see are:
1. Get rid of Acme altogether.
2. Include a sentence early on explaining that Acme is a galactic tech monopoly, and expand on it before the end of Act I.
3. Rename it to something unique to my story (like Mama's Little Shipping) and, if needed, explain it briefly up front.

I'm leaning toward 3.

Go to your profile page (second menu item on the dropdown) and click on Edit Profile.

K, I gather you weren't a fan of Acme, Inc. in the latest chapter. Is it because the chapter is relatively serious, or just a general dislike of Acme? So far, I've used it as the manufacturer of wisethings, droids, crispers, interstellar drones, and sound scramblers. It's meant to be a running gag the same way Mama's Little Shipping ships everything, including pizza and sewage. Speaking of nonsense in a serious chapter, there is the appearance of Aussie in chapter one. Like? Dislike?

Thanks.
Dirk

a) IMO You don't have to say 100% time "Hey there's guards"... saying "They walked down the hall" instead of "he walked down the hall" would suffice.
Apollo left his suite and they walked down the hall. Doesn't really work. I'll fool around with it.

b) Rebecca has had great success in naming 2 of the honourguard such that they can interact with the scene a little. This is great for keeping them valid.
I totally forgot that Captain Lucilius is head of his Candidatii detail. Duh.

c) I know I couldn't pull this off. You mean there are 4 cannon fodder characters hanging around? They'd be dead within 2 chapters, I promise.
Soon. I promise. The Imperator has 8, the Imperatrix has 4, and Apollo has 4. That doesn't include the regular guards posted around the palace. And then there's the guards who launch the suicide strike. I may need some molten grenades. Crispers ain't gonna to be enough.

d) He has a knife??
Nuts. Too much time between posts. Apollo always had a knife. Granted, he's no Maud'Dib. This time around I gave them to the whole Imperial Family.

Question. Apologies if I've asked this before.

Apollo is always accompanied by a quartet of guards (the Candidatii). I'm trying to decide if I always need to say they're with him, or if it's sufficient to say once they're always with him and then maybe an occasional reminder that they're there. If I did the latter, would the reader think they're not always with him? I forget at times that they're supposed to be with him when I write his scenes, so I had to add it to my chapter checklist to be sure they're included.

Seabrass's story of Lake-Ellen includes a staff called Dandelion that she uses for defense, and he always mentions it's with her. I can't recall how often Tolkien wrote about Gandalf's staff.

Thanks
Dirk

Hmm. Having Apollo, Augustus, and Augusta in the same scene makes for a lot of 'A' names.

I'm not sure I understand your point. Cain still makes an appeal on his son's behalf, but only after failing to save his own skin. If you recall, Cain was not exactly the pinnacle of fatherhood. He freely admitted (in the paragraph that follows the speech above) that he forced Andrew into the attack. He also sent Andrew flying into the study wall because Andrew refused to shoot Joseph. Also called him a useless creamer, which is this world's equivalent to fag or faggot. You still rooting for him? I suppose I could shorten Cain's appeal to save his son. I could let Joseph think about the fact that Andrew refused to shoot him; it would add to Joseph's big fail when he refuses to speak on the kid's behalf. The latter is worth doing regardless, so thanks for the inspiration.

How about this:

Is the bold part required? I think that makes it clear he's lying, but I'm not sure if I need to hit the reader over the head with it. After all, I remind the reader he's a felon, a mass murderer, desperate, and "creative".

I use brain scans as lie detectors, so I can use them if needed.

In v2, he didn't actually speak. I just said he have a rambling speech about the unjust conditions in the havens. I think I need to go back to that while still allowing him to actually talk (show don't tell). The current speech had the advantage of being Christian-oriented, but I'm sure I can do the same with a different speech. The setup for the old speech is already there. Joseph and Moses discussed the conditions in the havens in an earlier chapter, and the Galactipedia article notes that NB has the lowest standard of living in the Realm because of its huge defense expenditures.  Also, it's supposed to be an escalating battle between the government and the inhabitants of the havens as the chapters progress, so that's where the focus belongs.

GT?

One of the changes I could see making is having the crowd remain largely silent at the hanging (until they realize Andrew is choking). Everybody crossing themselves as the bodies drop, with only a few (or no) cheers? I'm trying to compare this to 9/11, where there was a near universal consensus in the US to go after Bin Laden. The treason/murders on NB is a similar offense, except to the whole world.

Also, you took Cain's speech as a potentially valid point of view for some on the planet, which it wasn't meant to be. I wanted it to come across as BS he's making up to save his own skin, hence the chamber exploding with outrage after he speaks.

Any further word from/about Amy?