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I'm not sure I understand your point. Cain still makes an appeal on his son's behalf, but only after failing to save his own skin. If you recall, Cain was not exactly the pinnacle of fatherhood. He freely admitted (in the paragraph that follows the speech above) that he forced Andrew into the attack. He also sent Andrew flying into the study wall because Andrew refused to shoot Joseph. Also called him a useless creamer, which is this world's equivalent to fag or faggot. You still rooting for him? I suppose I could shorten Cain's appeal to save his son. I could let Joseph think about the fact that Andrew refused to shoot him; it would add to Joseph's big fail when he refuses to speak on the kid's behalf. The latter is worth doing regardless, so thanks for the inspiration.

How about this:

Is the bold part required? I think that makes it clear he's lying, but I'm not sure if I need to hit the reader over the head with it. After all, I remind the reader he's a felon, a mass murderer, desperate, and "creative".

I use brain scans as lie detectors, so I can use them if needed.

In v2, he didn't actually speak. I just said he have a rambling speech about the unjust conditions in the havens. I think I need to go back to that while still allowing him to actually talk (show don't tell). The current speech had the advantage of being Christian-oriented, but I'm sure I can do the same with a different speech. The setup for the old speech is already there. Joseph and Moses discussed the conditions in the havens in an earlier chapter, and the Galactipedia article notes that NB has the lowest standard of living in the Realm because of its huge defense expenditures.  Also, it's supposed to be an escalating battle between the government and the inhabitants of the havens as the chapters progress, so that's where the focus belongs.

GT?

One of the changes I could see making is having the crowd remain largely silent at the hanging (until they realize Andrew is choking). Everybody crossing themselves as the bodies drop, with only a few (or no) cheers? I'm trying to compare this to 9/11, where there was a near universal consensus in the US to go after Bin Laden. The treason/murders on NB is a similar offense, except to the whole world.

Also, you took Cain's speech as a potentially valid point of view for some on the planet, which it wasn't meant to be. I wanted it to come across as BS he's making up to save his own skin, hence the chamber exploding with outrage after he speaks.

Any further word from/about Amy?

I've experienced both of the following:
- posts I've read remain visible on the home page
- posts I haven't read disappear before I've read them, sometimes in a matter of hours

I'm running the latest version of Google Chrome on a Windows 7 desktop.

Sounds reasonable. However, the algorithm by which new forum posts disappear from the home page is a mystery. It's been inconsistent since the new site went live. Some posts disappear within a few hours while others seem to hang around for about a day (my preference). It's either a weird algorithm or a bug. I'm not sure if time zones are involved.

How many people fail to reply to reviews? Is it a large number? And if they do forget/decline to do so, the reviewer currently has the choice to move on. It would probably help new members learn the ropes, though.

Don't you dare spend the next few days reviewing my crap. It'll keep. Seabrass, K, and Bill will suffice in your absence, although no one rewrites my stuff like you do. Much as I want to tone down the violence in v3, I still can't bring myself to remove the death scene you wrote for Ensign Ecks in chapter one. Chests exploding right and left. Jane Austen should write so well. :-)

Chapters 6 - 8 are up. Ch. 6 is a slightly modified version of the Galactipedia - New Bethlehem article, including a few extra paragraphs at the end to flesh out the society a bit more before we get to ch. 7.  Ch. 7 is a redo of v2's "I Will Shake the Universe", which contains the trial of the traitors who attacked Joseph and his parents at the palace. It also includes the unveiling of Joseph's destiny. The biggest change is Joseph's homophobia and its consequences for Andrew. Also, Aussie makes her first reappearance (in the epigraph) since ejecting from Windsor's ship in Ch. 1.  Ch. 8 is the Galactipedia - Rise of the Julii article that I had up out of sequence. I think only Seabrass reviewed the original before I took it down. It's essentially unchanged, except for the Further Reading section.

Quick, go read!

Thanks
Dirk

Funny thing. As the opinions were rolling in, I realized I needed to change the sentence, eliminating the need for this post. :-)

If you're curious, the final version is:

Thanks to all for their input.

I think caps would work for King where there's clear context (the reader knows we're talking about Joseph), just as the reader would know Regent is Joseph's mother. Otherwise, you get things like: I'm king and my mother was the Regent. That makes it seem like Regent is more important than king.

Based on that, "No king (among many) and much less a regent (among many) has ever pardoned a traitor" should use lowercase for both, since that's the only thing that reads right.

If I understand you correctly, you're definitely saying that "no king (among many)" should be lowercase.

That suggests "You will become a Prophet, not a King" should be "You will become a prophet, not a king." However, that still leaves cases like "You will become a prophet, not the (one) King." So be it.

Let me know if you disagree.

Thanks.
Dirk