The Galaxy Tales - Dirk B. (Page 30 of 49)

I'm trying to describe the crazy naming conventions for the Imperial Family that I lifted (and simplified) from Roman history. Following is the tentative description to tack on to the end of the Galactipedia - Rise of the Julii article. It comes immediately before the chapter where the reader first meets the Imperator and Imperatrix. Is it intelligible?

Apollo and Augustus shouldn't be a problem.  AugustA is another matter.  I don't suppose you can have people call her Gussie?

Question. Apologies if I've asked this before.

Apollo is always accompanied by a quartet of guards (the Candidatii). I'm trying to decide if I always need to say they're with him, or if it's sufficient to say once they're always with him and then maybe an occasional reminder that they're there. If I did the latter, would the reader think they're not always with him? I forget at times that they're supposed to be with him when I write his scenes, so I had to add it to my chapter checklist to be sure they're included.

Seabrass's story of Lake-Ellen includes a staff called Dandelion that she uses for defense, and he always mentions it's with her. I can't recall how often Tolkien wrote about Gandalf's staff.

Thanks
Dirk

A sentence added with a guard-like activity. They are props. Even if they sneeze or blow their noses, they need a small vignette in the chapter.

a) IMO You don't have to say 100% time "Hey there's guards"... saying "They walked down the hall" instead of "he walked down the hall" would suffice.
b) Rebecca has had great success in naming 2 of the honourguard such that they can interact with the scene a little. This is great for keeping them valid.
c) I know I couldn't pull this off. You mean there are 4 cannon fodder characters hanging around? They'd be dead within 2 chapters, I promise.
d) He has a knife??

Batter up! New Apollo chapter is up, called Plans Within Plans. It's a redo of William the Conqueror from v2. About 1/3 is new material.

Also, I added a summary on Imperial Family naming conventions to the end of the Galactipedia - Rise of the Julii article. It's a small change, so I didn't republish for points, but it helps navigate the naming conventions going forward.

Quick, go read!

Thanks
Dirk

The company name doesn't fit into the tapestry you've woven. It's like that one pesky red thread that sticks out.

I presume it's like my use of the word "Internet" suddenly in VQF. I've contemplated references to some of the other major brands of today, but I'm so far in the future, I can't see any of those companies surviving. My setting experiences (social) entropic loss. This is to say, the broad message is cultures tend to boil down to nothingness over time, barring brief spikes of inserted energy. This is true of the others such as Star Wars where basically tech hasn't much improved in the past thousand years and there seems to be no will to move forward, and Enders Game where it took an alien invasion to get mankind to stir.

Your setting is one of renewal where old things become new again. This is quite unusual in sci-fi (quick: name all the movies/shows in the last 30 years with a greco-roman, mayan/aztec, Prussian, Babylonian, you-name-the-empire cast in space. Done? Off the top of my head, I only came up with Star Gate). As a result of this scarcity, you're going to have to do unusual things like have a company called Acme.

Side note: In VQ, Arkaya Corp is my equivalent of Acme. They made the droids that hunt Andrea down in her chapter one, and run the waste disposal company in Laurie's story. They so this and much more through a vast series of subsidiary companies. I've devoted significant page space to joining all these companies up, but you might want to go that route if you decide against Acme.

As for chapter one, my thoughts of the AI remain the same. I haven't commented that because I don't want to prompt you into an editing spree on a chapter one. Not until you write those other words "the end". I think a good chapter one is finalized after the last chapter is set in stong. The two chapters should reflect each other in theme, style & tone (reflect -- not rival)

Hope this helps

Galaxy Tale, for me, feels like a serious epic. You have the destiny of kings, the fate of mankind, a machiavellian God, so the running gags get a little lost on me. Not that you can't have humour.  Fred Saberhagen's Berserker had very funny moments, which helped build character and mood.
Like I've mentioned a few times, the only issue I have with ACME is its modern day connotations. it's Greek meaning makes it a worthy corp-name but as it stands ACME INC really grinds at a Scifi reader. For such a small aspect of the story, it can do so much damage to the world building. Maybe if you add another Greek work to it and latinise the Incorporated. Or at least explain the hell out of it from the outset. [Acme ˈakmi/ noun the point at which something is at its best or most highly developed. "physics is the acme of scientific knowledge"] As a kid watching roadrunner I never knew Acme was the greek word akmi, nor did I realise Eureka was the words 'to vríka', and these are word we commonly used. So a face-smacking expose on the high-tech corporation in the early chapters would suffice.
With Aussie, as long as this character plays an integral part of the plot, then this character is intriguing. If Aussie is inconsequential to the story then it becomes another complexity a reader has to follow without any payoff.

M.O.N.O.P.O.L.Y. perhaps?

Warheads & Toys Corporation (Wartoys Corp.) wins.

Your story is so tongue in cheek throughout, and I see it as being a little like The Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy. That said, as you add color and dimension to the book, there is a serious story and good action driving the plot, so it gets a lot less silly.

You are going to have to choose, I think. Serious drama vs Black Comedy.

I've read most of the latest chapter and it is so much better than before. I get a sense of the surroundings, the flow of people, and the chaos surrounding Apollo. This is drastically better. Worlds better. So as you add depth, you move away from the spoof. Like I said, you need to choose.

And stop head hopping. Please. It is still everywhere.

War & Stuff Corp.?