Janet, the chapter with Glaselle comes soon after Harsan and Glaselle leave Merran and Jamen on the road, after Glaselle gets her Atlas. I'm opening up a thread for that family.
The two kids are the kids that Shogran had. He's trying to get to the shack where he left them, under the effect of Merran's pain spell and the Barricade.
Well, they seem okay. I was afraid for a moment that the libretto to Wozzek had gotten switched in ...
Amy, I don't mind you using the name either way, though Slash and Tazar seem well provided for. I'll be thinking on this for a while.
Dey come from Brooklyn?
Working on Merran and Jamen getting those two waifs, and trying to get Shogran for interrogation. (Merran plans to use everything she learned fighting Erevain.) Not gonna go right, but I have to get the events laid out in detail. Then I have to rewrite it FOR detail, making sure all the pieces are in place, and make a polishing pass, before typing it up and editing it again in the process. 36 to 48 hours, mebbe.
That's just it. I don't want someone who sounds like a thug ("I'm gonna veto dat. Hey Vito!). I want him to sound like he -could- be a little urbane.
But a little coarser, maybe? Hmmm mmmm mmmm.
On the subject of names, I let Merran and her parents fall out of the naming system. I should fix it.
Any opinions on Carreth or Carth instead of Caneth. (I need to get the 'r' in it, so that 'Merran' is derived from both her parent's names.)
I should have added, at the end of your review, "Wait 'til you hear The Rest of the Story."
(Engalt, I think.)
Can the need be linked to some damage related (overtly or covertly) to the villian?
I've taken most of the review comments on Breadcrumbs and Bacchanalia and integrated them. If anyone feels a need for a repub (for points) I'll do it, though I prefer not to (to keep the old comments visible).
I answered a couple of your questions in new review comment replies.
After ... gags ... like this I like to recite parts of A Little Priest from Sweeney Todd. Squire on the fire? General, with or without ... his privates?
Not about writing ... but here's one for Amy's evaluation: https://pjmedia.com/parenting/2016/02/0 … epage=true
A comic is not someone who says funny things.
A comic is someone who says things funny.
Well, I've got about 4+3/4 pages at about 700 words a page in (nearly) final form (finally). This is Melayne and (mostly) Kirsey fixing the mountain. You'll see there's little chance of Kirsey being the Deus ex Machina. Let's see if I can type it up Friday night.
Wait until you read that chapter about my version of a dragon. I'll hear you scream out here on the Jersey Shore.
According to David Kahn's =The Codebreakers=, the last individual able to read heiroglyphics as his native writing probably died around AD 300. Not so very long ago.
Oh, I've read that the rebus-structure of the writing indicates that the spoken language is very close to 'modern' Coptic. If Boko Harem, ISIS, and company succeed in murdering all the Copts, we will lose that living link to both the New and Old Kingdoms.
I've added a few more notes. The last one is about large families and tenant farming.
These days it seems that if you can't garnish it with crudities, it's not worth saying.
Salmon. They come in mixed packages.
The shares are a penny and ever so many are taken by Rothschild and Baring ....
Things to convert to story are piling up. Here's my latest note on Merran's (first?) side journey in B2: 
Extta credit if you spot my mental typos.
njc wrote:KHippolite wrote:For example, in my stories, telepaths call themselves telepaths and muggles call them "tele-creepos". This latter term has appeared in derision occasionally, but it never really sees the light of say because I'm so rarely in the villains reference frame that it never gets firmly established.
Teeps and Creeps?
I've just formally stolen this
You can't steal what's freely offered.
Okay, I've got a few little scenes filled in under B2 Ch 29. Only about 650 words. I've got about 4000 more to add to fill that gap in.
