K. wrote: That said, in modern speaking, we tend to want the writer to avoid any repetition at all, even of function words.
eg (former)
Here is Sir Bob, Earl of London, Earl of Lancaster, Earl of Shire.
now-a-days should be:
Here is Sir Bob, Earl of London, Lancaster, and the Shire
Except that the two are not identical. The short version suggests that all three places are represented in the same office, not the same officeholder. At the least, the 'of' should be repeated.
Ah, but you ask why the awkward pause. The problem is that each "after" implies a time section, and English generally only allows one time-related prepositional phrase per clause, usually located at the end of the sentence.
Lyrical: Bob knew that at 3:30, his homework was due.
Normative: Bob knew his homework was due at 3:30
But that's not quite true. "He could talk with Smith after lunch but before the meeting." Or "Later that evening, after Harsel and Gelsa had been put to bed ..."
Add a second time phrase and you have pauses all over the place
Bob knew that at 3:30 his homework was due because at 3:35 his teacher would get mad.
Bob wanted to submit his essay to the library after the game after he had finished reviewing it
(add pauses)
Bob knew that at 3:30 [pause] his homework was due because at 3:35 [pause] his teacher would get mad.
Bob wanted to submit his essay to the library after the game [pause] after [pause] he had finished reviewing it [pause].
The modern writer wants to avoid a sentence with multiple chained pauses. I could write pages on why this is so, but that would be a 10-page essay in itself.
And why that pause, which I intend, is a prroblem.
I don't think they're calling it a problem... but rather identifying places in th prose where they find themselves lost in a tangle of clauses and pauses.
Hardly a tangle, just a sequence perhaps more common in poetry than prose.
But there is a purpose. The first expresses a rough time of day. The second expresses a delay to a special event in the daily life of the household. This chapter occurs not too long after several that reflect that cycle. Together they intensify the lateness.
The first alone is incomplete. The second is abrupt.
And I have no problem with pauses. I don't believe that all pauses are awkward.
((pause))
Some are seemly.
The past couple of days have been spent on a scene that's at least 5 or 6 chapters ahead of where I am now. Apparently straight lines are not for me. I cannot walk them, I cannot draw them, and I cannot write them.
