The battle-for-Shogran/Rescue-the-children chapter is coming along. I should have the last blocks into place in a few more hours, but there will be at least a day of polishing, maybe more. I'll probably put it up before I'm completely happy with it.
It'll probably be about 4,200 words.
1,926 2016-03-03 11:09:01
Re: The Sorcerer's Progress (1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
1,927 2016-03-02 20:18:13
Re: Unbar's World of Books Thread (39 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Okay, on the Very Soon TTD list.
1,928 2016-03-02 19:44:14
Re: A great loss (172 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
Dill Carver wrote:
I read the book many years ago as a young teenager and yes, it stuck in my craw (or should I say claw for the delight of the noodle thrashers?)
No, for the wet-noodle lasher you should definitely write ''craw', unless you mean to provoke a flaccid pasta flurry.
1,929 2016-03-02 02:17:01
Re: Titles in The Pendragon and The Beast of Caer Baddan (206 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
As to the General and the dinkies, the word 'washtubs' just occurred to me. Bigger than buckets.
1,930 2016-03-02 02:13:57
Re: Titles in The Pendragon and The Beast of Caer Baddan (206 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Simplify the grammar logic. Stay with the English of the reader, but be a little clumsy with it. 'It is worse, that his mother was a slave', or 'What is worse, that his mother was a slave.' If you can mirror the Pictish grammar it will be a bonus, but few readers will know you've done that--or not.
1,931 2016-03-02 01:42:10
Re: Titles in The Pendragon and The Beast of Caer Baddan (206 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Rebecca Vaughn wrote:
I'm sad now: "To make matters worse, his mother was a slaze." was actually my favorite line in the whole chapter! (Maybe because she is sympathizing with the potential struggles of her unborn child by looking at the problem threw that child's eyes.) But it seems I am alone in that like. Sigh. I'm changing it.
You might try making the grammar a little simpler or more naive. 'To make matters worse' is the phrasing of a native speaker. A small tweak might suggest less facility with the language without spoiling the sentence for author or reader.
1,932 2016-03-01 23:12:01
Re: Unbar's World of Books Thread (39 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
It's not a summary, it's a pitch.
1,933 2016-03-01 23:08:56
Re: Acts/ Dictates/ Mandates/ Mantle - Amy's Thread (1,905 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
FYI, I agree with Erndog that the chapter ends like a Mahler symphonic movement: no extended closing, just BOMP-BWMP! A paragraph describing the scene of victory might work well, followed perhaps by Jaylene's recognition that they'll have a lot more survivors to find, and they can't miss any.
I also think you could have a better title.
1,934 2016-03-01 23:02:44
Re: Titles in The Pendragon and The Beast of Caer Baddan (206 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
No, not alone.
1,935 2016-03-01 15:26:24
Re: A great loss (172 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
corra wrote:
njc wrote:Spot and correct the error, or be liable for "fifty lashes with a wet noodle."
Toe the line?
Got it in one!
1,936 2016-03-01 13:19:34
Re: Unbar's World of Books Thread (39 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
amy s wrote:
I need two sentences. Dictates: "Jaylene is a priestess who saves her best friend from jail: together they combine forces and uncovers a threat to her goddess and everyone she holds dear. They journey into a series of underground caves…where magic is real and even the gods are in danger."
The dead Jaylene is brought back to life to rescue her friends, her goddess, and the world from an evil that seems to reach everywhere.
Acts: "Anver is a mage forced to run a a school of magic, surrounded by other teachers who want nothing more than to see him fail. He finds a secret room, and this leads him to discover an ancient evil within the walls of a place he calls home."
Anver, assistant to Master Mage Kha, is forced into ever-expanding responsibilities, saving his school, his Master, and maybe the world, when he is forced into a task that uncovers an ancient evil--and leads him to find love.
(Oops, deleted Mandates)
Master Mage Kha should have died with his friends in Earthwound. When his recovery is incomplete, he seeks help--and finds healing, power, love and danger, all gifts of the godess he despises.
1,937 2016-03-01 13:00:38
Re: Unbar's World of Books Thread (39 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
The secrets won't come in this book, and the pitch is too short to paint in any of the tapestry--and still too long.
Note the power of the passive voice. I spend no words on Shogran. If there is a kidnapping there must be a kidnapper.
ThousandS of years, plural.
Melayne left the other worlds behind; Merran didn't. And it's not quite what she left behind. The rot--the upheaval--is spreading.
1,938 2016-03-01 10:07:15
Re: Unbar's World of Books Thread (39 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
When her shop is invaded and her husband kidnapped, a village sorcerer and her daughter are forced into adventure in the Worlds she left behind, Worlds threatened by social upheaval and secrets buried for thousands of years.
=Children and Beasts= is the first book of =The Sorcerer's Progress=.
1,939 2016-03-01 07:31:01
Re: Unbar's World of Books Thread (39 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
amy s wrote:
Elisheva, go to bed :-)
This is our time of day!
1,940 2016-02-29 22:30:54
Re: Unbar's World of Books Thread (39 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Elisheva Free wrote:
Ack! I suck at summaries, but here goes...
Twin girls Maya and Vierra and young Dragons Noi and Dea find themselves at the center of a war where all may not be as it seems and their very existence could mean the difference between victory and genocide.
-Elisheva
I think this sells your story short. The key element is the linkage between the human and dragon twins, a linkage by nature and politics.
1,941 2016-02-29 13:57:48
Re: The Sorcerer's Progress (1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
njc wrote:
I owe you a Girl Genius link for that.
http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20130114
1,942 2016-02-29 12:22:05
Re: The Sorcerer's Progress (1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Okay, I have a not-quite first draft, with some edits noted where I missed points from the outline. I have a couple of scenes to merge, and I have to attach it to and edit it with the first part of the chapter.
Merran will be driven to study how to fight Shogran's creatures--and she'll regret that after her next encounter with Shogran--who will have buried some of these details in defensive amnesia. (It will take well over a week to get him healthy again.)
1,943 2016-02-29 05:47:05
Re: NorthernSkies or NS - Janet (213 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
1,944 2016-02-29 02:44:03
Re: The Sorcerer's Progress (1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
I owe you a Girl Genius link for that.
1,945 2016-02-28 23:20:48
Re: The Sorcerer's Progress (1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Yes, well, I'm no mercy killer. (Hey, where's the leering emoticon?)
1,946 2016-02-28 21:48:16
Re: The Sorcerer's Progress (1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
And K. isn't happy if your protagonist isn't the last man standing.
1,947 2016-02-28 13:23:30
Re: The Sorcerer's Progress (1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
It looks like the timelines may let me use Kirsey's visit to the library in this book. Ah, I'll have to see. It may depend on a horseshoes tournament.
1,948 2016-02-28 13:17:20
Re: The Sorcerer's Progress (1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
What happened then, well that's the Play ...
1,949 2016-02-28 12:15:50
Re: Titles in The Pendragon and The Beast of Caer Baddan (206 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Funny thing is, 'ornery' is derived from 'ordinary'. America must have been a MYOB nation of or'nery people who wanted to do without their neighbors most of the time. (See =The Convivial Codfish=, by Charlotte Macleod.)
1,950 2016-02-28 12:10:11
Re: A great loss (172 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
Spot and correct the error, or be liable for "fifty lashes with a wet noodle."
