Lynne Clark wrote:

Sometimes, I wish I were still the innocent I was at the beginning of all this. A little knowledge is not only a dangerous thing, it is a bloody pain in the neck.

LOL!  Wisdom is not for the faint of heart.  For some, I think, it is the beginning of courage.  I wonder who said that first?  My guesses: the Bible, a Greek of the Academy, a Stoic, or one of the dismal 19th century German philosophers.

For YA, I think you need to concentrate on the opening and the character opening.  Something familiar, something peculiar ...

Heinlein wrote a number of YA-targeted novels.  His readership might have been more accomplished than yours, but it's worth a look.  The book that comes to mind is =The Menace From Earth=.

At each point, what (multiple things) do you wish to establish?

Put differently, the story you write ISN'T your story.  The story you write TELLS your story.  Paint pn canvas versus what's in the picture.

The story is built of a smaller stories in sequence that create one or (=Son of Ice and Fire=) many stories that weave into the big picture.

My big story is in varying stages of development.  Pick a couple of chapters and let's see how you review it.  Or go to my portfolio and find the Pengrit story.

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(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

I should add that this is a press-of-shields battle.  When one side's line breaks, a melee will ensue, but the presumed loser is given a chance to quit the field--at a run.
Most likely deaths are by trampling and crushing, though some battering with swords occurs before the melee (if it occurred).

I'm leaning toward concussion with unconsciousness so severe that he doesn't react to the pain of major broken bones.  And maybe blindness for hours or days when he does regain consciousness.

Don't forget topic flow and deep grammar.  (But I blow off most stylebook comments.)

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(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

The more imaginative, the better.

506

(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Amy, what sort of battlefield trauma would make it hard to be sure if someone was alive or dead?  We're talking linear Greek press-of-shields warfare.

507

(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

A telco central office worker, back in the seventies, accidentally dropped a wrench while standing on a ladder.  It shorted between the giant 48v DC copper plate busbar and the busbar's steel supports.

Down in the basement, the meters twitched on the huge-tank-of-sulfuric-acid batteries.  Upstairs, the workers were blinded and deafened by the arc that vaporized the steel wrench.

I guess you had to be there.

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(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Working on scene-by-scene outline for this backstory section.  That's the only hope I have of keeping it short.  I'm going to be caught in another namestorm.

http://gutenberg.net.au/ebooks07/0700431h.html#chap42

But automatic weapons are not at question here.  Semi-automatic weapons are.  The use of 'automatic' is a way of playing on ignorance.  Using that word when it does not apply marks you, in the mind of the Second Amendment supporter, either as ignorant yourself; or as one who would play on the ignorance of others and thus as one who argues in bad faith for support not supported by fact.  (Note the placement of the semicolon.)

How many of the loudest gun control advocates are protected by armed guards, paid either from the public treasury or from vast personal wealth unavailable to the poor inner city resident?

Crime in DC went down sharply after the Heller decision; crime in Chicago went down sharply after the McDonald decision.  Would you trade away the lives saved (among poor black people) for the lives lost in these shootings?  Remember that in the most recent case, the FBI was warned about the individual's existing threats and failed to act, thus making the deaths in some degree the FBI's fault.  (The distinction between kinds of fault are irrelevant to the question.)

The question should be 'Why do young people in today's society become so alienated that they turn to nihilism?'

Remember that before 9/11 the worst mass murder in American history did not involve a firearm.  The weapon was a can of gasoline.  In the Texas shooting case, the murderer drove past several theaters to one that proclaimed itself a gun-free zone.  He wanted unarmed victims.  And in the majority of these cases, when the mass murderer meets a competent, firearm-armed citizen, the killer turns his gun on himself--the act of a nihilist already determined to die.  (See Peterson's Rule-Six chapter.)

When you say that someone will not listen to your arguments, ask yourself whether you have listened to and understood his.  If you reject the more-guns-less-crime argument and the statistics supporting it, why do you reject them?  If you reject the Second Amendment arguments, why do you reject them?  Have you read the Heller and MacDonald decisions, concurrences, and dissents?  If not, do you owe it to yourself and others in this public policy debate to do so?  (You can find them online.)

Read Jordan Peterson's =12 Rules for Life=, Rule 6.  He talks about the nihilistic impulses that lead to these things, and how 20th century (and 21st) philosophy and living has helped to create them.

This applies to truly random and non-political mass killings.  When a Bernie Sanders supporter tries to assassinate another party's congresscritters en masse, you have a different motivation, though one linked to modern academic philosophy as well.  If you teach people that everything is about groups of people clawing for power rather than about agreed-upon processes under law, then they will believe there is no morality beyond power, and no effective action but power.

Even if you won't believe the second paragraph, read Peterson's Chapter 6.  (I think it's 6:  Don't complain until you've put your own house in order.)

Edit:  Actual title: =Set Your House in Perfect Order Before You Criticize The World=.

A cynic is an optimist by nature and a realist by sad experience.

Points, glorious Points.  Or to spread your wisdom to those in such need that they have nothing to offer by answering.  But Points is a more innocent answer.

Lynne Clark wrote:
njc wrote:

Oh, and it is polite to reply to reviews.  Tells the reviewer you're listening.

I double checked yesterday that I had left replies to every single one of my reviews. Did you see I had missed one?

No.  I mentioned it as general info.  Not everyone gets it, and there's a notorious reviewer here who never reads the repllies.

Oh, and it is polite to reply to reviews.  Tells the reviewer you're listening.

Can you convert it a chapter at a time?  If you want to earn points, you can do practice reviews on my short stories or book chapters.  Or Amy's.  She's got a whale of a story split between books.  (My book chapters are at about revision -0.7 .)

You need to review roughly 3000 words to get points to post 1000.

Why not just convert this thread to your book title and use it for everything?  Most of us do that.  Just look around.

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(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Just stay out of the rain with that thing wink

Once ypu'be paid, you've paid, I think.

Oh, yes.  Points say you care.

You don't have a plea bargain until the judge accepts it.  And the new judge on the Flynn case is on the wrothpath with Mueller and Company.

520

(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

I've got a plausible storyline for my backstory chapter and it will fit, I think, into the B2/3 story.  Only thing is, it deserves to be 8000 to 25000 words.  I want to get it under 4000.  There's also a conceit I need to fit around the telling.

And I've got six potloads of other stuff to do.  I'll keep you up to date.

A lot of people disagree with you.  IBD isn't neutral, but its readers are probably better analysts and better read than the average Joe.  https://www.investors.com/politics/edit … tipp-poll/

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(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Yeah.  All the good guys.  By now the reader is unwilling to invest too deeply in a character.  I'm not writing a carrion feast.  I'm not sure I could carry it off if I wanted to.

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(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Got an idea or two about how to build the prequel adventure.  Change the person who finally breaks the relationship, add a little Michael Corleone (but not too much).

'Unholy' is a negated word.  I don't have the thesaurus hand, but if you can find an intrinsicly negative word, it might be stronger.

And try dropping the article.

Sounds like the old Louisiana (XYZ) party machine.  Run by Poppa Doc and Baby Doc.