BAMF! has been used for the noise of air displacement from teleporting.  Maybe  'djomp'?

You mean like Ravel's =Bolero=?

Maybe look for a two-syllable compound?

Added thought on the little review:
Fartravel -- four syllables, and awkward, for a bit of 'tech'.  After a decade or two, people would be saying 'Farter' or they'd invent other terms.  (Are you old enough to remember https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fahrvergnügen ?)  Anyway, if  people could substitute a short walk, it doesn't seem very Far.

Heinlein was a genius at this.  He could drop a nonce term like Welton Fine-grain or Burroughs Bachelor Buggy and the reader would get it at once.

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(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

You've got me thinking about a BVD foundry  sad

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(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

I have the battle and the conversation on paper.  I'm going to type them up and start editing, thinking about the next part in between.

I don't want to fool around with rechaptering B1 for this since I'll need a full rewrite anyway.  My thought is to put this up as a couple of shorts.  Thoughts?

Oh, do Sil and AM realize how powerful Anver is?  When do we learn?  Do they wish that Katerin was along?

I'm just working your possibilities.  The Founders must place AM one and a quarter steps below G and half a step above the forces now threatening them.  They have AM's staff, and could even threaten to destroy it.  (Does Jaylene know what that staff is?)  (Aside: do the spears itch in Alda's hand?  I'm thinking of Anver's demo with the other mage's/student's staff.)

You've built a tremendous point of conflict here, one that could shake Jaylene in the crisis moment, threaten all the resolve she's built up--especially if Alda was somehow part of how that resolve was built up.

And what if Jaylene makes the wrong choice, but is too late to stop Alda, and has to watch as Alda's actions rally the enemy--right before she destroys the Horrors.

The first law of battle is that the enemy changes the plan.  What if the only hope of ending the battle is to destroy the Horrors so the enemy will have nothing to fight for, and AM is the one who understands it?

And this leads to a possible redefinition of the Alda/Jaylene relationship.  By their presence and character they constantly test each other.  By right of power, Jaylene should be the tail in the dog, but Alda wants to be that tail.  She keeps pushing the role of war dog on Jaylene.

amy s wrote:

I note that you are fighting for Sulder and Tazar (and not Jaylene). This is par for the course. Nobody roots for that character's perspective. However, I don't think there is any benefit in changing Sulder out for his replacement, other than throwing the church into disarray. Your politics have the potential to bear fruit in keeping Sulder alive longer so he can die dramatically.

You kill Sulder to get a single-point crisis.

Jaylene comes alive when there is a crisis.  She may not be able, in the beginning, toget to the solution unaided.  By the end of the book, she should be doing that, perhaps even defying a Founder.

But the long slog through the Catacombs has few crises.  It has many dangers, but few crises.  You need to make it shorter and add hard decisions, some of which Have Consequences.

FYI, given that Jaylene is small and slight, I see her with a narrower face, maybe oval.  And I think that displays better on the beir.

That is almost necessarily mutual.   Sextegenarianism is not necessarily mutual.

Doesn't sound wierd to me.

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(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

South Africa's legislature just voted to confiscate the lands of white farmers, without compensation.  Moral dimensions aside, colonial-era Spain and modern Zimbabwe made the same error.  The wealth of the society is not in the land nor in what you take out of it.   It's in the skills of the people and the incentives the people operate under.  South Africa is going the way of Zimbabwe (a case study in PJ O'Rourke's =Eat The Rich=).

All this is happening under a constitution that Ruth Bader Ginsberg called a better model than the US Constitution that Notorious RBG is charged with upholding--better because of its explicit civil rights language.  I'm not holding my breath waiting for her to wonder what else she's wrong about.

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(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Many of these disasters come not from politicians but from culture--like American parents not vaccinating their children, often on the advice of entertainers who know less of medicine and public health than I know of their businesses.

It's an inconvenient fact that these people have the wealth and resources to absorb many of the costs of their screwups.  The people following their glittering images usually lack those resources.

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(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Some of us wonder if we are civilized any more.  The urge to the primitive-and from the primitive-is leading to explosions in diseases that we thought eradicated at the turn of the millenium.  Cities need sanitation.  Mobile populations need vaccination.  Population clusters need hygiene, not children defecating on city sidewalks.

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(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Bruce Catton told the story of The War Between The States seven times, each time through different eyes.

I realized last night that I'm trying to tell the story of civilization in this backstory ... from one set of eyes.  Or three.

Hard job, but somebody has to do it.

You don't use a sledgehammer.  You use a scorsese spanner.

What's needed is a very intricate database linked to the story text, all woven into a version control system, with an editing interface that can be replaced to let writers shake off the WYSIAYG shackles.  Neither the WüRD format nor HTML is a suitable representation.

If someone wants to seriously brainstorm requirements, I'm available.  But be warned, there will be serious language dependencies, so extensibility/flexibility must be designed into the software/database architecture.  And serious database design--not necessarily relational.  Text will need a versioned threaded tree.

Oh, and it must be possible to make the thing reliable,  efficient, and usable atop multiple operating systems, each with its own strengths and (especially) weaknesses in file system performance, process interaction, user interface, networking, and behavior under load..

Letting readers think they know what they're meeting gives you the chance to weave story around the differernces.

The US and UK differ here.  In the US, a group is.  In the UK, a group are.

Summary narrative is so out of fashion it's almost considered evil.

The first HP chapter is a prologue, though of course we can't use that word nowadays.  Without it, we would be adrift when the story opens.  It gives us key characters,  a sense of the rules of the world, a sense of Harry's world, and essential backstory.

Rowling carries it off by making a,story of it, told in a storyteller's narrative style--which blows off the whole no-narrstor conceit.

Added one tongue-in-cheek comment on the last review.  But maybe not so ... well, decide for yourself.

Your original story was a Quest.  That fits the larger story surrounding it.

Jaylene took over nicely after the death of the leatherworker.

The Catacombs adventure and the creepers in the crypt are both wonderful action that feel like they need volumes of their own.

To his friend's younger self.

It's true that Alda can only see into the hearts of those touched by Behira (and maybe those under control of a Horror) but she SEES the goodness in Tazar the same way we do.  That's why we can appreciate it, and empathize.

As to character work ... you've provided the foundation.  You've pointed the feet.  I'm just lifting my eyes to the path.