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I'm just working your possibilities.  The Founders must place AM one and a quarter steps below G and half a step above the forces now threatening them.  They have AM's staff, and could even threaten to destroy it.  (Does Jaylene know what that staff is?)  (Aside: do the spears itch in Alda's hand?  I'm thinking of Anver's demo with the other mage's/student's staff.)

You've built a tremendous point of conflict here, one that could shake Jaylene in the crisis moment, threaten all the resolve she's built up--especially if Alda was somehow part of how that resolve was built up.

And what if Jaylene makes the wrong choice, but is too late to stop Alda, and has to watch as Alda's actions rally the enemy--right before she destroys the Horrors.

The first law of battle is that the enemy changes the plan.  What if the only hope of ending the battle is to destroy the Horrors so the enemy will have nothing to fight for, and AM is the one who understands it?

And this leads to a possible redefinition of the Alda/Jaylene relationship.  By their presence and character they constantly test each other.  By right of power, Jaylene should be the tail in the dog, but Alda wants to be that tail.  She keeps pushing the role of war dog on Jaylene.

FYI, given that Jaylene is small and slight, I see her with a narrower face, maybe oval.  And I think that displays better on the beir.

Doesn't sound wierd to me.

Many of these disasters come not from politicians but from culture--like American parents not vaccinating their children, often on the advice of entertainers who know less of medicine and public health than I know of their businesses.

It's an inconvenient fact that these people have the wealth and resources to absorb many of the costs of their screwups.  The people following their glittering images usually lack those resources.

Bruce Catton told the story of The War Between The States seven times, each time through different eyes.

I realized last night that I'm trying to tell the story of civilization in this backstory ... from one set of eyes.  Or three.

Hard job, but somebody has to do it.

What's needed is a very intricate database linked to the story text, all woven into a version control system, with an editing interface that can be replaced to let writers shake off the WYSIAYG shackles.  Neither the WüRD format nor HTML is a suitable representation.

If someone wants to seriously brainstorm requirements, I'm available.  But be warned, there will be serious language dependencies, so extensibility/flexibility must be designed into the software/database architecture.  And serious database design--not necessarily relational.  Text will need a versioned threaded tree.

Oh, and it must be possible to make the thing reliable,  efficient, and usable atop multiple operating systems, each with its own strengths and (especially) weaknesses in file system performance, process interaction, user interface, networking, and behavior under load..

The US and UK differ here.  In the US, a group is.  In the UK, a group are.

The first HP chapter is a prologue, though of course we can't use that word nowadays.  Without it, we would be adrift when the story opens.  It gives us key characters,  a sense of the rules of the world, a sense of Harry's world, and essential backstory.

Rowling carries it off by making a,story of it, told in a storyteller's narrative style--which blows off the whole no-narrstor conceit.

Your original story was a Quest.  That fits the larger story surrounding it.

Jaylene took over nicely after the death of the leatherworker.

The Catacombs adventure and the creepers in the crypt are both wonderful action that feel like they need volumes of their own.

You can make Alda the one who first hears Sulder ... and makes it possible for Jaylene to hear him.  Now she knows beyond doubt that there's something very special, very terrifying, about Alda.  But becausee they're in the last stage of freeing people from the Gillis--maybe they need to take crazy risks to rush it--she has no time to ask.  And maybe this is when Petra's puppeteer learns--and strikes--just as they take the one night of rest they cannot skip on their way to Base.  Another distraction from Alda, and an excuse to rush the business with Petra.

And with the need to rescue Base, they need every fighter who can be freed from the Gillis.

Oh, and when Alda releases her rage over Sulder's death, it should be scary--enough so that we're really twisted up about the Founder's reveal.  And maybe make the destruction of the Horror's the key to ending the battle.  She goes to them in defiance of the Founder, he is too busy to stop her, she destroys them, bringing everything down on their heads--only the forces of Behira have the stronger shield.  And the enemy who survive the blast are easy pickings for Behira's forces.  Alda even gets a few 'and THAT's for Sulder'/'That's for Pettra'/...s in.

Innocence is what Aldamurisse cannot bear to lose.  That is why she SHOULD save Sulder ... or else feel a crushing loss over his death.  If he dies (I don't think he needs to) it should be THAT failure that makes Alda want to hide.  And why the bit about his nose-hairs is important.   (You got that right, girl!)  It's why she wouldn't let Tazar go into the Catacombs without her.  When she hears of what he did to Slash, she's not concerned about him.  But Charm brings Aldamurisse out for a moment.  And then she sees Solace risk himself for Tazar, and Tazar (without knowing of Solace's act) refusing to go unless Solace is released with him.  Her reluctance for the quest must collapse--crushed--when she learns that Tazar is being allowed in.  She's not in love with him; she wants to be his rotweiler.  She should be lukewarm about Jaylene's prison mission right up until she sees the deformed prisoner--Solace--risk himself for Tazar.

Her relationship with Jaylene: Confusion.  She knows she's bound up with the Lance, but Jaylene is more ignorant than innocent.  And Jaylene is just too holy.

All of Alda's dirty tricks, the spitting in the soup ... that's anger at what's not innocent.  Innocence is why the always-hungry Alda tosses food to the birds.  Even when she has to clean up their droppings, she doesn't mind.  Put those two together, let us see the apparent contradiction.

On writing, and de Saint-Exupery's maxim:
The original Star Trek told one story in a 48-minute 'hour'.
The Next Generation often told two stories in a 42-munite 'hour'.
Babylon 5  fit three or four storylines into most episodes.

All doing more with less.

The backstory I'm working on now needs more.  I've got a battle scene that probably needs 15% to 20% pared.
Then I've got a scene of dialogue that meant to introduce a setting and broaden some horizons.

I think I'll post that much when I have it.

Then I need to compress several months into a series of short, dramatic scenes.  MUCH harder than anything I've done.