And note that KH once turned his greatest protagonist into a kitten and now has a murderous protagonist who's just bet her freedom (against her husband's kingdom) on a duel her husband must fight -- all while her husband lays sleeping.
He's a heartless one where stories and characters are concerned! You can read it in these threads. So if you go to take it with the grain of salt, be sure there's no arsenic in it!
Since the first chapter has its protagonist turning into a berserker, or at least fighting like one, the second should either explain or show reaction to it--unless you're cutting away to another scene, which is allowed but should have good purpose.
I think -Dictates of Faith- is a great name. No problem. Its thematic structure parallels -Mandates-.
-33 C -- that's -27 F. Ouch! Wonder wnat it was in International Falls.
It only dropped to 8 F here last night. No, I can't bring myself to call that 'balmy'--that word is reserved for people who go outside longer than it takes to get to the car and back.
Mantle of Magic is supposed to refer to Anver wearing a 'mantle' and all that implies. In hindsight, it will mean something, but I see what you mean. I'll think about it.
Hey, (wheedling tone) I put up a new chapter! Do you have time?
What do you want reviewed in exchange for all the time you've been putting into my book?
I've looked at the chapter. Review when I've time to write it.
Right now, you'll just have to hold on to the unbalanced ledger unless you can find something you didn't cover already.
I still think that a publisher would say that Mantle of Magic is too easily confused with Mandates of Magic. Maybe Mantle of the Mage?
Strictly speaking, the machine is a derrick, of which the winch is a part.
If you have established prices, one way to show strain in society is to have the established prices change ...
When considering prices, it is wise to go back to the meaning of price. This is the second video in a series. You will either embrace what it has to say, or abominate it. There is very little middle ground.
Okay, here's the whole series.
The standard definition of economics is today the study of the allocation of scarce resources. A fellow named Thomas Sedlecek (if I have spelled that right) in a book the name of which I have forgotten, offers a different definition and a topic survey based on it: That economics begins where Man looks to Man instead of to nature for the satisfaction of needs and wants.
The wheat won't be bagged until after threshing, so chaff won't be an issue. Before threshing it will be tied up, and the grain will be at risk of falling away, so it will be threshed pretty much as soon as practical.
In what season? In the grainy plains, or on the seaside, or in the mountains? Wheat, oats, millet, sorghum, buckwheat?
"Short words are best, and the old words, when short, are best of all." ---Winston Churchill
How much work do you want to do, and how much do you need to tell your story or show the world as you mean it to be? The Potterverse wouldn't be the same without the coinage whose names echo cups, pence, and swords, leaving only wands/rods--the four old suits that survive in the tarot.
But even Rowling didn't redefine the calendar. That took the Rationalists of French Revolution.
Oh, your calendar will probably be Julian rather than Gregorian. But you might not even need the actual months.
Gotta' run now.
Shearluck, I have your review. I'll respond properly later.
Oh, and any connection between Merry Tom and Jar-Jar is through a degenerate line, probably involving orcs or trolls. Tom he is the Master, though blithe he be. Jar-Jar is a comic and ultimately tragic clown cast deep into the ensemble..
Good changes, Amy. I still think some tweaks can crank it higher. I feel another review in my belly.
I told you why I created Kirsey. I needed a hermit. But you can see his abilities and his alignment. And you really should get what's happening in the scene with Master Threckesrom. It's hit-youself-on-the-head-once-you-get-it obvious. I think you're handicapped by lack of practice with good mystery stories. Go get the Complete Father Brown and immerse yourself a hundred-plus short setpieces. Or the Ellery Queen radio plays: The Adventure of the Murdered Moths and other stories.
And yet Tolkien felt that the meeting with Tom Bombadil was one of the most important elements of LOTR.
I've lost track of what we're debating. Somehow Alda and Behira's Veil are conflated with Master Threckesrom's tea, except it's not his tea, it's the documents he has Kirsey sign ... only there's wine and not tea, and The Family Circus has become the venue ... I'm telling you, it's like this.
I just added this comment on one of WB's inline comments on Vigilence:
Amy, those rogue links are the result of a bug. They look like some ad-linking software has gotten hold of your story.
It has been blamed on problems pasting from your text, but having it appear ONLY in the inline review presentation indicates that the problem is more likely in the TNBW software. IMO again, you need to bring this to Sol's attention. You can quote what I just said.
Sigh.
The most convoluted of the Ellery Queen mysteries may be The Greek Coffin Mystery. That is the standard against which you should measure such things.
Shearluck wrote:njc with all due respect, sometimes I have no idea what you're talking about, beyond the fact that it's speeding right over my head.
With njc, google and wiki are your friends! A national library wouldn't go astray either ....
I was once accused of erudition. The accusation was false, of course.
Mercy even for Pooh Bah! (Yes, you can google that epigram.)
I just checked. The For Dummies series has a book on English Grammar. It has several, actually, but there's a main one with good reviews on Amazon. There's another book there, The Blue Book of English Grammar and Punctuation, that also looks quite promising.
Which is why, in a short while, Amy has us listen in on a discussion of the Veil. It's a part of the milieu to which we must be introduced. In the meantime, the reader has something to work on.
What do you say about my infamous tea-pouring incident?
No this is all perfect, most people I give it to just say it's good and move on. And I bloody know my work needs to be ripped apart to be anywhere near close to good.
The only virtue in tearing it apart is the chance to build it better.
Your most prominent flaw is your sentence grammar. Fixing it is a matter of learning mechanics. It may not be as much fun as the expressive side, but it will be easier. Your work has a -lot- of strengths on the expressive side, but people will be distracted from them by the grammar glitchen.
Do your reviewers a favor and start working in the reviewing economy. We'll understand if your first reviews feel awkward. You'll learn what you have to offer, which may be different for each author and maybe for each work.
Oh, Amy, the architectural word is 'cupola'. 
