Dirk B. wrote:

I wore myself out trying to figure out how best to solve the repetitive references to dark figure. Finally decided to just delete roughly half the references to dark. Lots of references to figure, but I don't know of a better solution.

You're tackling it too soon. Give it a few weeks (months?) to bake. After a few sleeps, you'll have it. Ugly fact: the human brain continues to work on real world problems during REM sleep instead of... you know... relaxing. Impossible tasks surprisingly have solutions after some time has elapsed.

hat will be ruled out in my next chapter. The dark figure is 185 cm and Connor is 175 cm. I set that up in earlier chapters, but the Pope's Council will discuss it as they try to figure out who Connor really is.

Height difference doesn't rule it out (Connor from the future grew 10cm). Gender difference doesn't rule it out (Campanella's real form is a male). Being dead (run over while fleeing an ex-lover) doesn't rule it out. There is no proof of anything yet.

Impressions: It's trying too hard to conceal the identity. Is it worth the effort? There is no one in the story it could be that would carry any shock value-- not even the detectives or the pope (though the latter would be humourous given the level of physical activity). The reason for this lack-of-shock factor is the story hasn't "sold" us that it isn't any given person. If this was a movie, I'd suggest the dark figure was Connor from the future, but yes, it could be anyone even one of the victims.

Maybe take another swing at it?

http://www.skyfire.ca/kwan/tnbw/dark_figure.jpg

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(11 replies, posted in Close friends)

Means your computer is a Mac

Both styles work for me

3rd option: They get a clear view and ID someone who is out of the country at the time.

"Brian Herbert has completely misunderstood his fathers work- I have to assume that he's actually read it. Unfortunately , as there are several prequels and side stories of equal incompetence" yowza

haha I just checked out the reviews. so vicious lol

I own hunters in hard cover. They were on sale for $4 in a bin in Coles. Haven't read ... was lost by chapter 3 not enjoyable at all

Plus many of the characters in Hunters I was emotionally done with. Actually not "many"... "all".

The prequels were abit rough, but I did like Butlerian Jihad. The book 3 "twist that everyone saw coming because otherwise the later books would never have occurred" was kinda contrived/forced but there's only so much material a prequel can invent. I felt Darth Vader's crossover was equally forced in the SW prequels.

I was poking around Dune the other day. Lamenting the effort it would take to read through until the series gets good (circa book 5)

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(14 replies, posted in Close friends)

Bobbie.R.Byrd wrote:

I definitely have to go back and change terminology now.

Bobbie

Eh... you're ok as is IMO. I was just commenting "should you change/add more common terms"

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(14 replies, posted in Close friends)

CJ: It's sci-fi short-hand. Same as "hyperdrive"... if you said "mass driver" you have to go back and waste time explaining this term

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(14 replies, posted in Close friends)

Here's a complicated answer.

a:

Your book strikes closer to Star Trek in tech and terminology (eg tractor beams, shields, beaming (which you renamed but follow the same rules), food dispensers (which you also renamed but are similarly infinite)). Do i recall correctly that Tlaan even has a positronic brain?. As such, you can benefit from renaming to help you escape established principles. The more "Common" your terms, the closer you will land to Star Trek, and once you land there, you won't be able to escape.

b:

In Rachel's stories I would suggest the opposite. She has so much meta-data within her stories (eg Goblin Fire) that maybe a tractor beam really is just a tractor beam so that there's more room for other terms to shine. In my own stories, I'm careful to avoid common terms like "mind trick" or "lightsword" for the same reasons I suggest to Bobbie.

c:

I'm halfway through book 2 and can confidently say you 100% do not need tractor beams. You could just have the aggressor ship disable the weaker ship and space-dock it for a boarding party. Remember Star Wars I (or IV or whatever number it is now) when Vader does this and capture Leia? This scene is just as cool as a tractor beam and a lot of fun

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(16 replies, posted in Close friends)

Indeed for us, the rail is indispensable, and society would not exist without it as it does today.

I think my world is close to Mad Max's independent states where we find there's this undefended rail down the desert into the middle of nowhere that's being maintained in perfect condition for no apparent reason.

https://deanoinamerica.files.wordpress.com/2011/10/mad-max-3-vehicles-2.jpg?w=1000

I mean the ballast there is extremely well maintained. Xrell's enemies would surely let the outbound rail deteriorate since they don't have to go anywhere (Consider the city run by Tina Turner's character... It seems she doesn't need to move rail guns to new war zones. She's not waging conquest, and her economy is closed - why bother moving lots of goods?).

Indeed, by destroying the rail, Xrell's enemies may choke his economy while not changing their own.

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(16 replies, posted in Close friends)

@Mlle Gacelle: "Fan service" is a (frowned upon) activity where the author adjusts the story to please the fans rather than be faithful to the original artistic vision.

We see Lucas do so in toning down Jar Jar. In anime it's usually related to sexualization of female characters. Sonic the Hedgehog movie fan serviced the character design.

Personally, I don't mind it (If Lucas was fully on board, Darth Maul would have found a way to survive). I do it all the time within the limits of the greater plot. For example, my world originally had no trains, but readers found that unrealistic, so I added them (Personally, I don't see how such a place of tyrants and greedy powered people would be able to support rail between their regions, but whatever)

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(10 replies, posted in Close friends)

CJ makes good points as usual. Luckily, I can have my cake and eat it too. I'll use (2) as the main image on Amazon and (3) as an alternate cover for kobo

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(10 replies, posted in Close friends)

Same model, same character wink

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(10 replies, posted in Close friends)

At this time, I'm leaning towards (B). Anyone have a leaning?

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(10 replies, posted in Close friends)

Goal is to emulate the style of the books that sandwich it.

http://www.skyfire.ca/kwan/tnbw/book2-c-sample1.jpg
(A) Conveys sense of drowning (this was the goal. She's drowning in the rules society expects of her)
Not fond of the backwards lettering. Would probably un-mirror it


http://www.skyfire.ca/kwan/tnbw/book2-c-sample2.jpg
(B) Lighter look
Lettering a bit difficult to read


http://www.skyfire.ca/kwan/tnbw/book2-c-sample3.jpg
(C) Some random idea I had 20 minutes ago

As a reader, I wouldn't be expecting both recipients of healing to experience the same stimuli

Rachel Parsons wrote:
C J Driftwood wrote:

Congratulations. That was fast!

Not really; just seems that way. I've been working on this for months. And I couldn't have done it without you (and all the other reviewers). Hugs.


Yep. Fast. J3nna was 7 yrs

Gratz!

Ravens is kinda Norse, no?

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(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

I'm in a similar bind. Since I have a long commute, I've trained myself into writing during transit. With no commute, I find it hard to maintain the discipline in what had become automatic. I was at about 750words per day and that's been lost for the past week or so.

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(14 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

terrible to hear! Get well

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(16 replies, posted in Close friends)

Wowza thanks... but I can send links. I'm not in the game for the revenue, so I don't mind to give them out