I found an interesting comment about the trials, the series of tasks or obstacles that block the MC's/hero's path towards his/her true goal, a MC faces through a story.
http://www.betternovelproject.com/blog/road-of-trials/
Any comments from you guys?
Kiss,
Gacela
I found an interesting comment about the trials, the series of tasks or obstacles that block the MC's/hero's path towards his/her true goal, a MC faces through a story.
http://www.betternovelproject.com/blog/road-of-trials/
Any comments from you guys?
Kiss,
Gacela
Greymartin:
Oh, it's amazing the many different types of people that get on airplanes or wander airports! I love observing them and getting material. Some time, I stare at somebody and start thinking of their backstory from the way they dress, their expressions, etc.
BTW, your "jet setter" comment made me laugh. I do travel a lot, but I wish I belong to the infamous jet set, despite its "infamousity".
Kiss,
Gacela.
But it's true. Tolkien first envisioned his story for children. Check the way The Hobbit's first chapters are written and how he addresses the audience. Whether it's for children or whether children can easily understand it, it's another story.
Kiss,
Gacela
Tolkien also broke the 4th wall in The Hobbit, even though it is known he later regretted doing so and writing the book as if it were for children.
Kiss,
Gacela
What you tell is interesting and maybe I need to read your stories to fully get your point, because I'd say that any first person narration necessarily breaks the 4th wall.
Lemme tell you this morning I got up late and had to rush to work because I had a meeting at 8 am. I almost didn't make it on time and it would have been a mess because my boss was gonna be there and he wanted me to present a particular topic.
See what I mean? I'm already addressing the reader! I'm breaking the 4th wall. Of course, as a writer, you can add specific questions like "Don't you think so?" directly to reader making the breaking more evident--BTW, something quite common in literature for children, even in third person POV children literature. The 4th wall is broken in 1st person POV because it is assumed the narrator is telling the reader something that actually happened, like my above comment about this morning.
Breaking the 4th wall is more evident in movies and in theatre, when an actor turns and addresses the audience. A commonly used technique, once again in theatre for children, when a particular character turns to the audience and raises an eyebrow, making the audience an accomplice to their plan. I think Peter Pan even ask the audience to help to save Tinkerbell asking the children to yell they believe in fairies, isn't it? The characters in the TV sitcom Boston Legal starred by Capt. Kirk also used to break the 4th wall as a way to provide comic relief in an otherwise "serious" TV show.
I think the only way for a story to break the 4th wall if is a character actually realises she's a character and that whatever is taking place is make believe. In Miguel de Unamuno's story "Niebla" (Fog), which he considered not a novel but a nivel (in Spanish not a "novela" but a "nivola") the MC realises he's a fictional character and that his misfortunes could have been avoided had the writer decided to develop the plot differently. Thus, the MC confronts Unamuno in Unamuno's home. Things go bad and Unamuno threatens to kill the MC, to which the MC answers "Don't even dare, or you'll be en deep trouble." The story keeps on and the MC dies the next day.
Quite surrealistic, Niebla is a classic, but not a best-seller.
I have another interesting example. In Star Trek the Next Generation the ship has this holodeck. In one episode, an adventure takes in the holodeck that has recreated a Chicago, 1930's environment with gangster and all. The good-guy, a detective whom the captain helps to solve the murder/mystery/whatever it was, realises he's just a temporary creation for the sake of entertainment. He's got a life, he loves his girl, he has future plans, but nothing is real and all that would disappear as soon as Cptn. Picard leave the holodeck. The captain is deeply movedand reluctant to leave the holodeck because it will mean the death of every character thus brought to life. He finally leaves, deeply saddened.
Kiss,
Gacela
I have a series where the main character is very much aware she is a character in a story. At times, she flirts directly with the reader, daring the one person who knows her true motivation to condemn her. At times she pretends to only be the character and traipses obediently as the plot would require. This series isn't really a "story"... it's more of an "experience"... and it establishes itself as being in this mode early on.
Kenny:
What series are you talking about?
Kiss
Gacela
BTW, Ann, I haven't realised you're the author of Strong Verbs, Strong Voice. I purchased that book time ago when I started writing seriously and it was sooo very helpful! Kudos.
Kiss,
Gacela
The link does works, even though you can't click it. Please copy and paste it in your browser.
http://www.anneverett.com/2017/06/23/ma … on-friday/
Special thanks to Ann for supporting so many new writers publishing these interviews in her blog!
Kiss,
Gacela
Dear Sheriff:
In "Amber Eyes", the tragedy is backstory. The mystery of the haunted house is a McGuffin. The real story worthy problem, the element fueling Alexandra's quest is self-discovery. That element, the need for self-discovery, is present in chapter 1. The story's triggering event, the thing that changed Alexandra's life forever, is not when her mother ditched her, or when her stepfather tried to rape her. Those are superficial problems. The event that pushed her into the auto-discovery path was the fact that another girl asked her to be her girlfriend. Because Alexandra liked the idea, it caused her to start questioning, in the first place, her own sexuality, and later, her own self.
I'm not saying that everything must be revealed in chapter one, nor that a good mystery has to be unveiled before time, but that if you want to hook the reader, and that is Suin's concern--she feels her first chapter might not grab our modern, fast-paced, anxious teen audience--you need to throw some of the meat on the grill and allow some flames to rise, casting the tempting aroma of rib-eye into the dining room.
Kiss
Gacela
Congrats! Hope it's another great success.
Kiss,
Gacela
Suin:
I'm thinking of your answer to my yesterday's comments...
First of all, thanks for saying I look lovely. I agree with you, but I shouldn't be praising myself, it's not being humble, is it?
Second, lemme tell you this: I DO think "Being Fifteen" is a well written, wonderful story than can sell. That said, I think it has two drawbacks: First one, the title. Rachel wrote a whole essay on that topic several posts above, so I'm not gonna further delve into that matter. Second one: your first chapter. I agree with you that you need a first chapter that grabs the reader. Your current one is kinda mild.
Have you ever read Les Edgerton's "Hooked"? I strongly recommend it. Grab it, it's in Amazon. It explains what you have to have in your first chapter to make sure a reader grabs your book and keeps on reading. In a nutshell, your first chapters must contain:
1. An inciting incident.
2. The story worthy problem.
3. The initial surface problem.
There list goes on, for Edgeton points at 10 elements, but the above three are the main ones. The inciting incident is the main one. It represents the moment in which the MC's life changed, for good or bad, starting your story. Without it, your MC's life would have been a normal one.
Think of your story. Alicia's life would have been the life of any other upper-class, Dublin teenager hadn't it been for... what?
At first glance, you may answer: hadn't it been for her father's decision to move out of Dublin. Wrong. It was Alicia's brother drowning what triggered everything. Her mother went mad, the family turned into a dysfunctional one, Jonathon focused on his work as a way of escaping his wife's madness, etc.
So, why not starting the story with that scene? I know you want to "unveil" that part of Alicia's backstory later, explaining why she feels guilty, why her mother went mad, etc. Don't. It's not backstory, it's the inciting event. Start with the drowning scene and then jump to your current chapter one. Do not say Mon went crazy but rather let the reader discover that fact later. The reader will connect the dots and realise how much the family was stricken by the accident. State Alicia assumed it'd been her fault ( "all because of her" or something of the sort as closing line to chapter 1) and keep her guilty feeling under your sleeve until it is the right time to remind the reader how much guilty Alicia still feels years later.
Such an opening would be a tremendous first chapter. Any reader would want to keep on reading, finding out what happened to the girl who cause her brother's death (because, narrated from Alicia's POV, it will seems she caused it). Also, your opening would provide the element "story worthy problem" which would be the need for Alicia to overcome her guilt, not only because her brother died, but also because she feels responsible for what happened to her mother afterwards.
About the title, I just had a thought. How about something to do with Alicia overcoming her dark past. Something like "Ghost from the past"? I don't like that one, but hope I'm making my point. The title must reflect the struggle to overcome the guilt she feels, which almost drove her insane. "All Her Fault", "Was It Really My Fault?", "Not Her Fault", "Feeling Guilty". Rachel suggested "Guilty at Fifteen". How about, "A Killer at Fifteen". Not that she's really a killer, but that she feels like one because she believes she caused her brother's death.
Besides that, your story is terrific. Of course it requires some more rewriting (not much, but the usual fine tuning), and the eye of a professional editor (I can recommend you mine if you wish) and then it'll be ready for publishing.
Kiss,
Gacela
"The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, But in ourselves, that we are underlings."
Julius Caesar (I, ii, 140-141)
Don't think fate or some other similar crap is causing your problems. You are, and you're the only one who can change what happens to you.
Welcome to the site! What genre do you write?
I'm way behind with your stories. Be patient, I'm gonna catch up as fast as possible.
Kiss,
Gacela
Right off the bat, Conan Doyle’s Dr Watson comes to my mind. Narrating the story from Holmes’s POV would have revealed the solution too early and the stories would have lost their punch. The fact Watson narrated this stories didn’t hinder their success and, as of today, nobody complains or considers the POV selection belittles the narration.
There’s a wide variety of stories narrated from the sidekick’s POV for several reasons, and many of them have been bestsellers. From my stand point, the “Dr Watson” POV/narrative works much in the way a third person POV does but with the extra advantage of a greater/better connection with the reader.
The so-called writing rules, such as “don’t use adverbs”, “always write from the MC’s POV”, “never open a book with weather”, “never use a verb other than ‘said’ to carry dialogue”, are good general advise but they are not the Ten Commandments. Too many adverbs may imply a poor verb selection; not writing from the MC’s POV might turn a story into a boring one; opening with weather could reveal lack of creativity; and using too many variants of said (from ejaculate and vomit, to bark and chirp, to hiss and sibilate) at first stands in the way of the narration and afterwards ends up laughable.
However, peppering a story with adverbs here and there may enhance certain images, Sherlock Holmes stories were written from the sidekick’s POV and they were/are a bestseller, opening a story with weather may be necessary, and variants of “said” are many times required to highlight the speaker’s attitude.
Conclusion: Corra, if you feel you’re using the right POV stick to it unless many reviewers point to the fact you must do it otherwise, rather than only one creative writing teacher who is expected to foster the adherence to certain basic rules, assuming he/she regularly teaches amateurs.
My grain of salt.
Kiss,
Gacela
It seems to be solved. I had a quickee but read this thread and I didn't dare viewing it. Now the quickee has disappeared from my list.
Kiss,
Gacela
Suin wrote:As a community, we should welcome new starters and give them confidence rather than criticise them publicly. Reviewing isn’t easy for beginners who have never done it before so we should offer our support, especially if we want people to stick around. Personally, I know my first reviews were worthless, but because of the kindness of some patient members, I have learned a lot about reviewing as well as writing and (I hope) my reviews aren't worthless anymore. Perhaps we could have a template of sample questions for new reviewers to help them become comfortable with reviewing.
Simple things like;
What did you like about the chapter?
What could be improved?
Etc.I don't think this is what Gacela is talking about. You can tell the difference between someone's review who is only grabbing points and someone struggling to give an honest review.
Indeed, that's what I'm talking about. It's easy to tell a honest review from a fake one. Even if the person is new to reviewing, it's evident when somebody does their best commenting here and there. Moreover, a serious reviewer usually starts in chapter 1, looking forward to getting into the story.
But when somebody posts a review of chapter 43 saying how wonderful a writer you are, and even adding it's not the genre the reviewer is into but your random chapter caught their attention beyond sanity, then you can tell the reviewer is a point-grabber. Just check this person's reviewing history. Except for one story it seems he's truly reviewing, the rest of his posts are almost exactly the same, only addapting the wording here and there.
I agree honesty and karma are the real currency in this site. The points are certainly required for posting, but once you turn into a regular reviewer, and once you build a community of friends whose work you regularly review, and who regularly review yours, then you end up with more points that the ones you need. The points are a safeguard against opportunistic writers, usually new-comers to the site, who post their work expecting comments without giving back anything in exchange. Sooner or later they end up without any friends, and without any reviews.
Kiss,
Gacela
As much as a appreciate receiving critique, there are times when certain writers only fish for points, and it's very disappointing. The spirit of this community is to help each others, not to foster people who publish their stories and receive candid and useful feedback in exchange of nothing. The coin with which all of us pay for the feedback is feedback itself. When it's missing, it's like stealing!
I've just received this feedback from somebody who is clearly fishing for points. I.e., getting points to publish his story so he may get useful reviews, without providing useful feedback himself. I know not all writers are seasoned reviewers, but when somebody fills a review with cliches and common places, and is reviewing first time ever a chapter deep in the middle of your story, you can tell it's FAKE.
I've just published chapter 41 and this is the feedback I've just received from somebody who hasn't read the other 40 chapters :
Where Heaven and Hell Meet by Mariana Reuter
Comment to CHAPTER 41 (no comments received from this reviewer to any previous chapter):
I loved this chapter. It is filled with interesting characters and vivid dialogue nitting together the wonderful prose. I read this and loved the way my attention was held right until the very last word. The tension builds and builds grabbing you by the throat and not letting go. Good stuff.
The below are two samples of the comments this reviewer usually issues. They were posted to the most recent chapters published by two other authors. Can you see the pattern? General, praising comments to the last chapter published without further knowledge of the story, making sure the minimum word count is reached so the points are earned. Of course, the comments are useless.
-----------------------------
Raven's Curse
by CJ Driftwood
Comment to Chapter 73(no comments posted by this reviewer to any previous chapter):
Vivid prose and sparkling dialogue lift this chapter above the ordinary to a new level, that I haven't experienced for a long time. Brilliantly descriptive it was like watching a painter develop his painting from the start and use his words like a brush on a canvas. A really first class job
-----------------------------
Forbidden Fruit (Final) by Nynative1
Comment to CHAPTER 17 (no comments posted by this reviewer to any previous chapter):
I put off reading this because it didn't really sound my kind of book.
But now Ii have read this chapter I want to read it all.
I enjoyed the story, not for the sex but because I was more interested in the storyline. I found myself enjoying the storyline as it is quite realistic. I enjoyed the story as it is an easy to read love story in a world, of pretty decent characters.
------------------------------
Of course, I won't reciprocate.
Apologies for the rant, but this kind of people really frustrate me. We're trying to build a community here, not to provided feedback to any smart guy seeking editors and beta readers for free.
Kiss,
Gacela
Most of the spelling checkers do the same: they fish for homophones. Supposedly, modern algorithms allow Word, and other software, to check the context and decide whether the word is properly used or not (i.e., with is the correct one, either the possessive adjective or the contraction [they + are]). In this case, however, it seems the algorithm didn't work properly, which doesn't mean it's broken. It means somebody told Word to check for words people may easily confuse (their/they're, its/it's).
That said, it's a rule of thumb any decent author must send her work to an editor before publishing it. INBOX me if you need one, I now a very good editor.
Kiss,
Gacela.
It's also cool to post a short bio. Then it's easier for other people to connect with you once they know who you are.
Be very welcome, Culpepper! The best way to get your own work reviewed is to review other people's work and befriend writers with your same interests.
Kiss,
Gacela
My two cents:
The present tense is good for high-action, fast-paced stories where the author wants the reader to be running by the MC's side. Objects fell onto the reader as well as on the MC, and situations take place before the reader realises what's going on. Despite how bad it is written, and how weak the story is, IMO, the usage of present tense is one of The Hunger Games key features leading it's success, because of the "immediate" feeling. E.g., Emilio Salgari's Sandokan, another very fast-paced story, should have been written in present tense.
On the side of the cons, first person present tense (as K L van Kriedt is writing) allows little to none second thoughts. "Had I known" is an impossible expression in present tense. Foreshadowing is also impossible. A large set of techniques possible in past tense are impossible in present tense, because the narrator is clueless about what will happen, contrary to writing in past tense where the narrator knows the outcome. The argument that the reader never knows whether the MC will die has no grounds. If the MC die, the story would be abruptly stopped, which would make no sense--that's one of the reasons why The Hunger Games is soooo poorly written IMO. There's no way Katniss would end up dead, so there's no actual suspense there.
Writing in first person present tense is also difficult because the POV needs to be deep. I.e., in past tense, you can write: "I opened the door and wondered if he was hiding there in the kitchen"; in present tense it's almost foolish to write: "I open the door and I wonder if he is hiding here in the kitchen". Of course, you can put it that way if you like, but it sounds almost idiotic. Because the action is taking place RIGHT NOW, the thoughts have to pop-up immediately: "I open the kitchen's door. Is he hiding in here?" You don't write a thought in italics when you're writing in first person present tense, because you place the narrator's thoughts within the prose itself (like in the previous example), otherwise the feeling of "immediate" is broken. Mastering this way of writing is kinda tricky, but it can certainly be done.
Past tense allows forbidden techniques and expressions in present tense (foreshadowing, "had I known", "now I regret the decision I made back then", "the surprised that followed..." etc) to be used. Also, it allows greater introspection and it's not that tricky to write--all of us have read tonnes of stories in past tense, so we're more used to it. I disagree with those who state first-person present tense brings the MC closer to the reader. A close relationship can be easily achieved using past tense.
Finally, K L, I would like to point to the fact that your story takes place back in the 1960's. At least for me, it's difficult to think of your story as happening right now. Many YA stories are written in present tense nowadays, but, also, they are supposed to take place by the time the reader reads the story, either if the reader reads it in August 2016 or in May 2017. The Hunger Games takes place in an unknown future. The usage of the present tense makes that unknown future more real and allows a greater suspension of disbelief. I'm sure about a story taking place in the past (1960's).
In the end it's your decision. I'm not a pro writer, of course, so take my advice as limited as it is: I would write your story in first person past tense if I were you.
Kiss,
Gacela
Great article!
Suin wrote: "really? that's interesting. i feel the girls are two opposites. while Sarah tries too hard to please everyone, Alicia has no qualms about hurting others and takes her own pride more seriously than other's feelings."
While I recognise Alicia can be a bitch without much effort, she is anyway a strong character. Selfish, maybe. Self-centred, most of the time. Somehow disoriented, and in constant struggle to find herself, certainly. But she owns a strong will and walks straight lines.
Sarah, on the other hand, indeed tries too hard to please everyone, and perhaps that's what makes her a weak character. In that process she forgets about herself and her priorities, and is unable to stand her ground. Pleasing everybody around you, while very nice, is not necessarily a character trait denoting a strong character, but the contrary, IMHO. Why? Because it denotes an inability to manage conflict (it's easier to say "yes" than to say "no"), dissatisfaction, and confrontation. Being a people-pleaser is not necessary a good thing. Giving people all what they want is not the best thing to do. In the end, it fosters abuse and exploitation, and does not creates happier people. Folks who are used to be pleased no-mater-what, are not usually happy fellows. They are always asking for more and more. She who lives to please others, ends up incapable of fulfilling all what she's asked for, for others will constantly ask for more and more.
Sometimes you have to say NO, and this is not a bad thing.
That said, Sarah could still be somebody trying hard to please everybody else and be a strong character. E.g.: after Hugh abandoned her, Sarah felt into depression and forgot about herself and her babies. A strong character would have fought against depression and would have started anew despite her new, disadvantageous situation. A people-pleaser girl but with a strong character may well be able to recognise an unfavorauble, or even dangerous situation and stop it, even if it means not pleasing somebody--one thing is to be a people-pleaser and another very different to be stupid.
However, IMHO, people-pleasers are well intentioned, but weak, people who, above all things, avoid conflict because they cannot handle it, as opposed to strong character who manage it perfectly well and even come out of it successfully. E.g., had Sarah been tricked by Grainne the way Grainne tricked Alicia, she would have never explained the situation, lest several people would end up hurt (Declan discovering his current love-affair is a cheater, Grainne, etc.). Of course, Sarah would have never take revenge the way Alicia did right under Grainne's nose. She would have suffered, constantly knocking Danielle's door begging for an opportunity to explain herself, jsut as she suffered marrying Hugh only because her mother wanted it, even if Sarah herself didn't . Isn't that being weak?
This doesn't mean there's anything wrong with The Best Laid Plans. It's only a comment about Sarah's character and the reasons why she got into so much trouble.
Kiss,
Gacela.
