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Just stay in touch on the forum. Think of cool ways to add Oz to the first chapter. Vivid colors and smells. Lunchbox trees, and talking rocks. A lilliputian walking by. A yellow road running through town.

This is a hard one to answer because this story is so complicated.

You are correct. It's going to be hard to market based on the content.Have you considered making the god in their heads a roman god and taking the Christianity out of the equation? Then you can make the Voice of God anything you want. The multiple personalities in Joseph then embody a different aspect of the pantheon. Dionysus (yes, I know that is Greek but there is an equivalent) becomes the Voice of disrespect and wonton sexuality. Hera is the Admiral.

Or keep Apollo's head-voice Christian and make Joseph's Roman?

You are asking questions about the overall plot arc. I'm not trying to change your plot, just give you ideas.

In a rewrite, I would like to see more crossover between the boys. They go on parallel journeys yet never crossover into each others conflict. And having such different voices in their heads made me lean strongly toward the mentally ill bit. If the Voice of God were the same? I'd be more inclined to have it be a real contact.

The other possibility is that Joseph is hearing the Devil and Apollo is hearing the Lord (keeping the universe in balance) Or visa versa. Play that up, and then have the boys in conflict, and you have the potential for a great twist. Not knowing which is which keeps the reader guessing.

You like any of these thoughts?
This keeps a majority of the content, but just changes the names around.

I'm a little behind in the commentary, so I'd like to give you a leg up, Lynne.

First, don't make any drastic changes during a time of stress. Like a person going through a divorce, you need distance before you sell your house, move to a new area, switch jobs, or change your novel.

I want to give compliments where compliments are due. You have the building blocks that few others have. You already know how to write. Now you are working on the hard part...finding your story. You already have a Voice, so I wouldn't worry too much about that. The urgent issue is to keep going. Keep writing. Dogged persistence pays great dividends.

Don't you dare give up.

I've found that stressful times are rotten for creating new work. However, they are great for revising, spellchecking, and rereading reviews. I produce the best work when I'm happy, and I've had a lot on my plate lately. Yesterday, a friend told me to write a book and put my brain into writing. She wants the whole package condensed into one tome. I told her to get cracking, because I had other projects that needed finishing first.

I'm sorry about your kitty. I know what it is like to love something that much that money doesn't matter. Take a deep breath. My thoughts are with you.

Lots of bullets. Keep your head down.

Woot woot! Short term memory bedamned. I was afraid that you would be stuck rereading all of those notes to keep them fresh. Then no new writing for like, ever.

I'd like to add that I'm not following a bright bauble that is trendy by choosing deep first person perspective with a close narration. I just finally have terms that describe the way I want to write. Before, I had three perspectives (Jaylene, Tazar, and Alda). Each narrated differently. Once of my readers found it to be very distracting, so I became more aware of whose voice I was using (including the neutral narrator). And my narrator faded into the background.

However, I agree that the narration is being told from Alda's POV, so this frees me to say things in the narration that she would think, or be aware of.

I note that you are fighting for Sulder and Tazar (and not Jaylene). This is par for the course. Nobody roots for that character's perspective. However, I don't think there is any benefit in changing Sulder out for his replacement, other than throwing the church into disarray. Your politics have the potential to bear fruit in keeping Sulder alive longer so he can die dramatically.

I agree that having Tazar disappear a third of the way through the book isn't a good way to keep the character's nobility alive. Let me think about it. His journey isn't the focus of the story, though.

I followed him on Twitter and knew that his publishing co was bought out, so I contacted him and asked if he needed Xmas money. He read the first chapter (I think to see if he could bear reading the rest. Initially we agreed on a penny a word, which was 1200 dollars at the time. He had some delays getting my book done, so he gave me a discount of $200. One thousand total and worth every penny. I had three conference calls with him after the review was done, and he brought up things that weren’t being discussed by any other reviewers. We worked on the pace of my ending.

It made me realize that the story is heavy in the middle and I spent too much time traveling the catacombs instead of getting to the ending. Petra needed a bigger part. The Gillis fight takes too long. The ending is too short. Also that Alda stayed the same thru the story instead of evolving into something new.

None of his advice was telling me what to do, and I got the final say in whether to integrate his changes. It also gave me an idea of what a working relationship with a good publisher would be like. In all, it was a wonderful experience.

Now, I don’t have that kind of money to throw around, but I’m glad I did it.

Right now, it is Alda’s story. New Jersey is my biggest fan and my hardest critic. Originally, the story was in three perspectives,and I used the POV Willy Billy to tell what was convenient. I did three rewrites and Jaylene is consistently panned. Which is my fault. I just can’t get her worth across to the reader. First, she was too passive. Then she was more dominant, but people described her as bossy.

The characters that people bonded with were Tazar and Alda.

Then I paid a freelance editor to read the whole book. He coached me on the ending, pace, and the hero’s journey. This story isn’t about Jaylene. It is about Alda, and her evolution from passive to active in the mystery.The story is now being solved by the second string players. Not the Wolves.

And New Jersey fights for the material I leave out. It makes him nuts

I don’t have anything newmup. I just thinned the first chapter of Dictates.

I’m considering what you say about distancing to make Alda less comedic and more mysterious. I’m listening. Just not sure about the presentation

you can't strangle me. I told you the ending

Will him your research books too. Those can fill up his garage. I can't imagine that your religious collection is very small. I remember a cartoon of an old guy walking with a walker. He waves his arm expansively to his son, standing in front of a stuffed-to-the-gills storage locker. The caption read, "And soon, this will all be yours..."

Glad you are back on track. Read the link. God advicefor all of us