Truth. I was thinking that since you write piecemeal, I'd really like to see a scene where Melayne and Merran meet for the first time. I think it would reveal a lot about their relationship and establish motivations. Just a thought. Merran can't have a mother as stoic/ untrusting as Melayne and not have mommy-issues.
Oh, another word for gully is 'gulch'. A gully is too big of a structure for me, but a gulch is something worn by erosion that can be climbed.
Understood
Here is a thought. You say it would take too much power to freeze the river. Realize that I'm not trying to change your plot. I'm only trying to have it consistent with the story
I disagree. Here is why.
1) You only have to freeze a thick crust, leaving the ice to melt after M crosses.
2) it is far less of a danger crossing an icy river than learning how to fly
3) there is danger to settlements downstream. You said so. So freezing the river has less risk to innocents. Nothing turns the reader against a character like killing babies and unprotected families. This is a classic example of Melayne's lack of empathy about people. Earlier in the story, she goes overboard to return a horse while her daughter is in harms way. Her priorities are questionable.
4) power isn't an issue. The Covenant Gem has enough power that it can crack mountains.
5) this is a Fire world. Not an air world. Pulling heat from water makes more sense to me than creating a vortex that can lift a wagon.
Just a thought, but the reveal with the enemy carrying dead weapons is kinda Deux ex Machina.
Keep talking while your lips freeze together and your face turns to ice, wise guy...
There is something called YakTrax to put over your shoes when the weather is horrible. While sledding, it is a must to keep your balance on ice. I have an extra pair. Do you want to give them a try?
I suggest a virus that infects the wise-eyes, making it direct the person to walk into traffic. When they enter a smart vehicle, there is a crash as the watch links with the car's onboard computer. When the person enters a secure complex, it maps their path and sends out the blueprints for the secure building. I suggest calling it the Snowden virus. It releases information without discriminating with who has access to it.
As a result, the tech community in your world could have placed firewalls between tech so that the uber virus won't infect everything in the immediate area.
Pick a scene. Write it once without and then with the wise eyes. Throw them on the website for a vote. Personally, I think it is about preference. Which one is more fun for you to write?
We only had frost this morning. Lake Erie stabilizes our weather and we don't get cold as quickly. As opposed to Buffalo, NY. That city is downstream from the bad weather. Kind of like the toilet of the Great Lakes.
I"m already getting accidents with people being dragged on sleds by 4 wheelers. And...then the vehicle changes direction...and then the rider goes whoopsie...
And there hasn't been a lick of snow in our area.
God, I can't wait for the cold. This global warming is letting people stay outside instead of holing up in their houses to stay warm.
The turkey is a tradition that drowns its slayer with leftovers in order to seek REVENGE.
Did you just say that you don't want to get involved in character development and establishing motivation of the MC?
Yes, you did. Hmmm. Grrr. Hmmm. Grrr.
OK, one more chapter closer to the ending. The characters have a plan. They have all the required pieces except for a mythril carving tool. No plan can survive contact with the enemy. Let the combat begin.
She (bu) ra su. (no double ss is allowed for proper Japanese mora.)
Just make sure the relationship between Melayne and Merran is established in the beginning chapter. More discontent. Less trust. More supervision over the willful Merran who is too precocious for her own good.
Be Heartless to your characters. That's why I keep stealing Kha's pants.
Zylph doesn't take much time and I like that it establishes the power required to hold back the flood. However, I can thin it out.
When I thinned for the editor(I'm paying by the word so there was incentive), I eliminated the ant lion completely. It was just fluff.
Once again, we're on the same page, New Jersey.
I'm not taking out the painting. In fact, I amplified the description (that was part of the slow-down that Dirk mentioned). I have to have that painting for Lewellen to remember later when Jaylene is fighting the Gillis.
Dirk, the sixteen won't go away, but I really like the idea of merging those two chapters and thinning. There is no reason for Alda to get books for Tazar and Lewellen, so that can go. The commentary about the herbs will go. If I add anything, it will be a look into their 'Monster Manual' since it is mentioned in multiple books (with Anver for example). Otherwise, Alda just throws her hands into the air and goes off to read. It just happens to be that the book she is looking for is with the Diaries. (My new name for the restricted section).
All you have to do is have the MC look away (ex: At the hanging). That way, it occurs off screen.
I'm on the fence regarding the whitewashing of the violence. I'm not K. Not even close, but I wonder if this is necessary. Whatever you do, you can't eliminate the action. Since most of your action scenes are oriented around the violence, wiping the action with bleach won't move your plot forward.
His favorite scene: A statue of Kwan reaching up to the heavens in an unspoken plea after humanity is ash.
Let me know. You are going into areas that I haven't been to. I'm very interested in following your learning curve. Either way, I've got my pompoms out and I'm cheering for you!
A
As the official Ohio turkey says, "Buckle, Buckle!"
Best way to cook a turkey is a refined skill, Janet. In an oven, with a 15 pound turkey, it can take almost 6 hours to finish cooking. There are quicker ways to go about it. I recommend looking at google for info on spatchcocking and then how to barbecue. Both are yummy.
Dirk, any unhealing ulcer can be a vascular problem. I don't know how the Canadian system works, but it might be worth asking the regular doctor if you can get a referral to a vascular center to see if there is anything that can be done. In America, they do vascular studies to see if the artery or vein is blocked. There are surgical grafts that can be done to improve flow and let the limb heal.
Everybody, I finally published a new chapter. Took long enough. I'm estimating 4 more chapters until I finish the book. Let's see if I can count or if I just let the storyline linger for a couple dozen more chapters as I describe the fighting.
In other news, the freelance editor that I hired is coming up on his deadline for his assessment of Dictates. I'm waiting to see what he has to say. I rewrote the first chapter of Acts to include Alina. My autistic son is still afraid of fire, and kept me from cooking eggs yesterday because of his anxiety. Work is much better but everyone has PTSD and is overworked and overwhelmed. I survived the transition to Epic (a new computer system) and I hate it. Thanksgiving was wonderful this year. My nieces came home from college, my brother-in-law didn't throw a tantrum, and my sister loved watching my son run around and play with everyone.
I threw up in the parking lot at work (classy) and still had to work my shift because there is no one to cover for me. My new car decides to suddenly lose power for no reason. I bought prime steaks for after-dinner Thanksgiving because my sister doesn't usually feed me enough. I'm about to start chopping mushrooms. Nom. Nom.
In all, I'm just humming through an average month. It just hasn't involved much new writing because I assembled and revised Dictates to turn into the freelance editor.
Everybody else, give an update, please. We're in a slow spot and I don't want to lose touch.
A
I need to finish the book as well. I'll see what I can do to get that done quicker than otherwise.
Maybe you need a chapter in the beginning with some wanton and wasteful death in it.
Your story. Your world, silly. However, if you want relevance, bring up Ess during the mass murder and cleansing of New Bethlehem. Ess was far more productive in wiping out the human race, but the two events have a similar wake of death and destruction that follow.
