FYI , psychosis and schizophrenia often occurs during the teen years after no signs/symptoms previous to this.
376 2016-11-19 14:03:55
Re: The Galaxy Tales - Dirk B. (1,217 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
377 2016-11-19 14:01:54
Re: The Galaxy Tales - Dirk B. (1,217 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
One thought that has occurred to me is, if I split the current chapter in two, then I will have three chapters in a row with different dates (3994, 4001 & 4006, and 4017). Yuck! It still seems slightly better to split them, though.
What if I give the year 4017 a name such as the Wrath of God and make all dates relative to it? Instead of a series of absolute dates, I can use something like this: 3994 A.D. - 23 Years Before the Wrath of God. That would make it into a countdown toward 4017, rather than arbitrary-seeming absolute dates.
Thoughts?
If you wrote, Ex: Apollo was
eleven when he first heard God, and it was his last good day. ( No need for dates or times to keep track of...go straight into brother dynamic...start chapter with a hook and forewarning.)
Whatcha think?
378 2016-11-15 13:44:33
Re: The Sorcerer's Progress (1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
I finished it and have to say I warmed up to the character once things started happening and gaining new skills was no longer the focus. I like the sweets-addicted dragon. I like the fact that his decisions get him into trouble with the school. I like the descriptions of the woods and the way he gathers information about the Chandrian. I really liked the forensics as he realizes the house was built above an old fort.
Nix on the 15 year-old being able to fireman carry a fully grown woman out of a burning building (especially since he hasn't grown out of his worn-out shirts and has always been described as scrawny.) Nix on the 70 mile-an-hour horse, where he makes it the full distance in daylight and still has time left to explore. Nix on him being able to walk after riding said horse the above distance and not being a whit saddle-sore. Nix on him being able to construct a ladder to climb up the ley stone even though he only has a ball of string (and used that up to pull the bucket up)
But other than that, the guy is a fabulous writer. Close to flawless, IMO. He just needs a fact-checker.
OK, I'm done bombing New Jersey's thread. I need to let this go. For what it's worth, I'm willing to read the second day of his story. All 700 pages of it.
379 2016-11-13 11:59:43
Re: Unbar's Thread (87 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Unbar,
My next project is to rewrite Acts and split it into two books. Have you read that one?
My recips are spotty lately because they started a new computer system at work and it kinda sucks my soul and poops out all my energy. However, I don't mind giving you reviews as long as you are willing to be patient.
380 2016-11-13 11:54:54
Re: The Sorcerer's Progress (1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Fun is always good. I'm prepping to write about Jaylene activating the shield when 64 people lock in for the defense. Good times.
381 2016-11-12 12:40:17
Re: The Sorcerer's Progress (1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Elisheva,
I thought the story would speak to 16-20 year old boys/ men. It's a surprise that you are such a fan, but a good surprise.
The writing is fabulous. The scene setting is top notch. The character is consistent. I love the story and the world. I enjoy the author's sensory descriptions. I really feel the difference between the city and the woods...the poor side of town and the rich. I like the damaged kids and the man who tends to them (there, there, hush, hush). I really liked when Kvothe found the bully's hidey-hole and destroyed the remnants of that boy's past. It was just, and a fair turn-around.
Me being me, I have to critique, knowing that this guy is published and I am just a worm.
Here's the thing...the MC is perfect. Kvothe is never the problem. He has a perfect memory, without the baggage of emotional deficits that I've seen in real people. At the age of fourteen, he passes the first year at the University in three days, plays the harp well enough to make people weep, can act, stealth, pick locks, pick pockets, survive in the wild for six months, survive major assaults without any severe injury other than concussions and rib fractures, barter, out-think every adult, perform self-medical care as well as an apprentice physician, learn an entire spoken language in two days, play cards well enough to earn his entire tuition, tie knots, perform Sympathy with an unprecedented return of power, and can recite a thousand years of arcanist science/ math/ logic/ and history. So far, all the plot is about the world-against-the-man. Other than depression, Kvothe has no flaws, and he discards this disadvantage as soon as it becomes convenient to the story.
It doesn't surprise me that he becomes a master martial artist. It does, however, make my eyes roll. But then, I'm like a bobble-head.
I have the urge to start calling Kvothe a new name that begins with K. And I keep my husband updated on the story by listing off whatever new skill Kvothe has each chapter. I consider that to be a bonding experience for both of us.
And despite my misgivings, it is still a great comp for you, NJC. The magic isn't the focus. The MC is. The sympathy (sorcery) is just a means to the end. The MC starts off at the beginning. His home is described and the background material is introduced to us at the same time as the MC learns it. He has a traumatic event that sends him off without his parents. He wanders until he gets to the University. Then he runs afoul of some of the teachers. The University building is older than the current civilization.
And your story has the intersecting dimensions within the school. It has the mystery of the gems and the Patricide. I consider your book different enough that the two stories are distinct.
If you want my copy, I'll send it off to you when I'm done with it. I sent Janet a care package. Could be it's your turn:-) Nothing is better than being gifted with books.
382 2016-11-12 11:58:26
Re: Unbar's Thread (87 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Personally, I think the three arms are kinda cool.
383 2016-11-11 09:36:59
Re: The Sorcerer's Progress (1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
New Jersey,
I'm reading Patrick Rothfuss' book, 'The Name of Wind'
Just a thought, but this book bears remarkable similarities with your story about Merran. Format starts in the beginning, goes into the training of the MC, and takes the character to a school/ university where people are trained in the arcane and something called, "Sympathy". (Insert Sorcery) Also, the MC is wicked smart and precocious, picking up just about everything he attempts to learn.
You might consider this as a comp when describing your book. In other words, "The Name of Wind' meets Doctor Strange. (Last comp is a poor choice, but I'm tired and my eyes are crossing. Pick something about crossing dimensions and you'll be set.)
It's worth checking out of the library if you are interested in using it as a comp.
384 2016-11-11 09:26:16
Re: Unbar's Thread (87 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
K is correct about drawing the eye toward the MC. And I like how he adjusted the title to correct the perspective.
As to the blurb:
"After discovering that he can enter the World of Books, 15 year-old Tommy Travers has accepted training under the Gifted and now must learn to control his new powers. He has already seen the devastating consequences of ignorance. The repercussions for his past decisions are not over. The escaped wizard Mephitis read his mind. He knows where the Gifted are. If he can just get his powers back the warehouse, the Gifted, the world, will be his. Tommy is the only one who can stop him, but first he must discover the secret that Amelia has been keeping from him all along.
First thought: Too many characters and names in a blurb. Stick to the MC and the villain. Drop Amelia.
Two sentences are vague and could be used to describe just about any book anywhere. They need to be weeded. "He has already seen the devastating consequences of ignorance. The repercussions for his past decisions are not over."
With thinning, here are a few ideas.
Ex: 15 year-old Tommy Travers discovered he could enter the World of Books, but his learning curve unleashed the wizard Mephitis on the real world. Now the bad guy knows who Tommy is, where he lives, and where the Gifted hide. Unprepared and untrained, Tommy is the only one who can stop a man who was written to be without a soul.
You get the idea. Hope this helped.
385 2016-11-10 21:33:37
Re: Unbar's Thread (87 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
I like the cover. A lot. Good mystery, the MC showcased as teen male, and the promise of combat in the pose and quarterstaff.
Weakness: no visual of anything bookie. Could you put something like a book around the title? Otherwise this cover looks like something about a teen martial artist.
386 2016-11-10 21:26:25
Re: Unbar's Thread (87 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
I've got some thoughts about the blurb but I need a computer to type with.
387 2016-11-09 00:21:38
Re: Acts/ Dictates/ Mandates/ Mantle - Amy's Thread (1,905 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
I'd say an average uncomfortable reaction would be three to five days. Your immune system takes a hit. Lots of new stuff to react to and that takes your energy away.
Feel better.
388 2016-11-08 09:40:34
Re: The Sorcerer's Progress (1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Funny:-) I've never had the courage of Janet, to write about blow-to-blow scenes with (R)omance. My characters are adults, and they do what adults do when they are interested in each other, but I'm not interested in someone handing me their copy and having them tell me how awesome it is, only to have them ask where I get my inspiration.
There isn't anything in Dictates at all. Well, except the scene where the group runs into two teens making out on a scavenged couch. That scene was all about using the line where the boy gets his hair tangled and then gets pulled away from the girl, complaining that, "Ow, that hurts!" and having Alda yell, "Try parenthood!"
Too good of a line. I couldn't pass it up.
It's why I probably would have a difficult time writing Charm's story. Or Katerin's for that matter. Not that it couldn't happen, but soft porn is too tough to write.
I'm reading Name of the Wind, by Rothfuss as my latest project.
Question to throw out there. Who out there is reading something now and what is it? If nothing currently, then what was the last book you read and when?
I'll see about reading ConVent, New Jersey. I'm going to try to read a book a week from now on. It's time to remember how. I went cold-turkey on reading for pleasure when I started writing. Part of it was getting my Master's Degree, but part of it is that I didn't want to give up time that could be used for writing.
389 2016-11-06 21:22:18
Re: The Sorcerer's Progress (1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Numbers. Chapters. Book name. Declare these, ya were!
390 2016-11-05 21:02:17
Re: NorthernSkies or NS - Janet (213 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Consider it done.
391 2016-11-01 10:09:57
Re: The Galaxy Tales - Dirk B. (1,217 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Great thought, Bill. Not one that would have occurred to me, so you just made yourself a full member with all the rights and privileges thereof. Which is like zip, zero, nada, but it looks good on paper:-)
392 2016-11-01 10:05:57
Re: NorthernSkies or NS - Janet (213 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
She said out of the house. Not out of the country. Besides, she keeps the quota for the group on this side of the border. Otherwise, I gotta get a passport to collect on my bottle of Aussie wine. Quit trying to lure away the Aussie and turn her into an ice cube!
393 2016-10-31 15:20:58
Re: The Sorcerer's Progress (1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
But a black person with jaundice makes them brown with a yellow ash color. That's what I'm thinking of.
394 2016-10-31 15:19:36
Re: The Sorcerer's Progress (1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Jaundice is yellow and the skin / eyes take on the color of Mountain Dew
395 2016-10-31 15:18:27
Re: The Galaxy Tales - Dirk B. (1,217 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
The definition of a savior is that the person is aware of evil and tempted by it but chooses good. So I approve of the evil soul addition.
396 2016-10-31 14:48:36
Re: NorthernSkies or NS - Janet (213 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
(Sniff) they grow up so fast...
397 2016-10-30 22:28:49
Re: The Sorcerer's Progress (1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Bile brown?
398 2016-10-29 16:33:17
Re: Acts/ Dictates/ Mandates/ Mantle - Amy's Thread (1,905 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
I'm out of touch due to a moment of insanity. See, I'm on Twitter and I'm following lit agents and publishers. Then I find out that Jollyfish Press has gone under and a publisher that I'm following is talking about freelancing. So I know he's legit. And he reps what I want to write.
All I have to lose is money. And this is a chance to up my game.
So I'm assembling a master copy in Word (ick) and thinning a lot of fat. I'm going through backlogged reviews. Then I eliminated a character (Jean-Marie). Figure I'll give it another day or two and then send it into the ether. Then I'll be back with a vengeance. Well, back to work at least.
Will be interesting to see what he has to say.
399 2016-10-29 16:20:20
Re: The Sorcerer's Progress (1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
(Smiles in pride at your accomplishment)
400 2016-10-29 16:19:09
Re: The Galaxy Tales - Dirk B. (1,217 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
You just said that Janet is using the Queens English, Dirk. I'm gonna go hide now...