staph(y)lococcus aureus (not ous)
Doxycy(c)line
Glad you're back and better than ever. Tip the laundry people big time :-) Staph is in everything, so you don't have to worry about it being in the sheets. Unless is is MRSA (Methicillin-resistant staph). Then double hot water sounds like a good plan.
Haven't you already published some of your books?
I also prefer Draich (which I would mentally pronounce like Drake)
Orsius...dunno. I see it and mentally switch the letters into Osirus for familiarity and ease of remembering.
I won't ban you for the F word. And never underestimate the power of a child's ability to understand. Like when Collin called his teacher a bitch. And meant it. And I got the phone call. And I had a hard time saying nothing because my son doesn't lie...
Glad you are feeling better. There is a new chapter up if you want light reading. Don't do a review. It is just there as an amusement.
First, I don't think I ever questioned that God was real. I assumed he wasn't because the voices are so different. Giving the boys a connection makes me wonder otherwise. It could just be a coincidence, but I would like to see something that could be misconstrued as real God.
As to mentioning it before the first draft was done? I didn't think of these things before I saw the big picture. I'm trying to suggest options that you can keep or discard. I don't think it is fair to point out my nits without suggesting solutions.
>> they only interact twice (the conference and then in the battle)…and neither episode results in any change in the story.
The conference's original purpose was to put the two MCs together, let some fur fly, and flesh out the galaxy in which they live. I'll up the tension. The venomous messages the MCs send to each other will help. The conference was also intended to end with the deaths of the queen and Nero. Those are pretty fundamental changes to the galaxy.
The battle ends with 100 million dead + the developments in the final chapter. Those are fundamental changes to the Imperium and New Bethlehem.
But they are events that will happen anyway without the two characters coming together. Their meeting has no impact on their actions, choices, or character development. Every scene has to have a purpose. More than just a character 'flesh out' and the death of the Queen/ Nero. While the death of the queen has an effect on the galaxy, I don't care about that. The story is about Joseph. These are two books/ stories combined into one. Joseph and Apollo should be influencing each other's path throughout the entire plot. Ex: Little Mamma is hired to kill the Emperor. Joseph goes to prison after being sold as a slave by Little Momma. These stories use the same support character, but run parallel to each other. However, if Momma demands immunity to gather slaves from Apollo and then Joseph gets kidnapped and sold as a slave? That is an effect of Apollo's power over Joseph's life.
Ex: If an online convert to Joseph's religion decides to do a suicide attack on Apollo? That is a direct effect. If the guard who tries to assassinate Apollo's family is proven to be a convert (or maybe just happened to be following the video)? Direct effect. If Apollo watches a video and comments about it (rather than just writing about the filming while in the cell where everything rotates around Joseph's perspective), then this is cojoining the plot. This is what I expect if you don't eliminate one of the characters.
This also makes the reader question crazy vs real since the boys will be constantly affecting each other. They are destined to fight. Interact. Run into each other. They brush their teeth at the same time despite being multiple light years apart. I could see them having sympathetic pain...ex: Joseph gets his head shoved into a toilet and nearly drowned. Then Apollo snorts water in the sink and coughs for an hour, getting a bad case of pneumonia (even though Joseph had no complications.). Another idea: Joseph kisses his gay friend and Apollo looks at the time stamp, realizing that he was necking with his betrothed at the same moment.
Maybe they show up at a casual event wearing the same colors or the same outfit. That is the level of freaky that I'm looking for. Something that implies there is a greater power at work and that the universe is conspiring to bring both teens to their destinies.
I really like the sympathetic pain thing, BTW. That is an awesome complication for both MC's.
A
If it's a question then the answer is yes. Feel better.
Praise the Lord and pass the ham around the table?
I agree in some part with K.
Remember that I'm not an authority because I'm still wandering through my stories. I just have opinions.
You asked if there were ways to make the characters stronger/ more interesting. I agree that it is the separation of the two characters that kept me from bonding. There are two books here. Apollo and Joseph live out their stories in real time, but they only interact twice (the conference and then in the battle)…and neither episode results in any change in the story. So one of the characters could be dumped without making any difference in the other's situation. They could be commented on as others noted the actions off-screen. To me, that means that Joseph would be the cast-off because Apollo has the pieces in place for good interaction with Caligula.
The reason that Caligula reads as so much stronger is because he is the only real antagonist (Apollo is afraid of the Emperor but other than a public beating, he never experiences any physical complication or trial before the old man dies, so I don't count the emperor). Joseph only has God and then the situations that occur, but the galaxy is hardly a strong antagonist. You need a face to blame in Joseph's storyline.
Once you get this interaction going, your story will pick up with the interest.
Here's an example of something I learned at the conference:
I went to a class on co-writing. Two authors had used another person to get their book published. One in particular was a fantasy writer. He and his writing partner use a rigid outline and write the story. Only in the second-to-last and last edit, do the personalities get added. I realized that if they wrote characters first, that the characters would derail the plot. This way, their stories are plot-driven rather than character driven.
I see this as being part of your process. You've laid the template. Now you need to refine the basic story. THEN strengthen the characters
Again, this is just a thought, but I think that Joseph could be discarded without losing much of the story. Just my opinion. Your book. Your world. If I see a chance in this rewrite to strengthen Joseph, he is going to be my focus. I'm looking for a villain to oppose him and I'll see what I can come up with.
At least you didn't disagree about loving tracking earthquakes. I noticed that.
Well, it is not being Jewish:-)
I can't access the groups page on my phone unless I do contortionist moves and stand on my head. Is Sol aware of this, does anyone know? What happened? What changed?
Akhere,
What classes? What degree?
Wool makes me itchy.
That's the idea.
Janet (AJ) is a specialist in high-octane chemicals. She moved to this side of the pond because she likes our tax system better. She likes driving insanely large distances along the California coast because (well face it) that is a smaller distance than driving around Australia so she can see a whole lot of water that is always on the left side of the car. She likes writing Medieval Romance (with a capital R) because the women back then had better sex.
NJC (or New Jersey) is a crotchety old soul who has decided to write a story based on a fifteen year-old girl whose mother has all the emotional warmth of a Vulcan female during the mating season. He likes visits from the Fire Marshall, and hides the sparking electronics of his many inventions within the ceiling tiles of his apartment.
KDot is a sweet but misguided author who believes that superman is actually a black man who wears overalls, and who can grow his penis to monstrous sizes. K likes to write without paying attention to physics (For example, sound travels through space suits from low-pressure/near vacuum environments). In one story, he had a thirty-mile-an-hour horse.
Bimmy is a on-again, off-again visitor to this site. She likes raising cutie little piglets until they become hogs. Then she practices her Christian values and kills/eats them. She likes muddy pictures of everybody's boots (with feet presumably inside), and fraking earthquakes. (Those are her favorite)
Norm is great guy who snuggles with the black bears that tear through his garbage in a cozy little Canadian town. He made all his money in the US, but has moved back to Canada, swearing never to return. We are planning on kidnapping him and taking him on a road trip, rolled up in a wool rug so that the border patrol won't notice.
Elisheva is a charming gal who writes her novel only while visiting people she loves in the Emergency Room. She's made quite a bit of progress this past month, and (for now) her family seems to be surviving her learning curve.
The others are a bit shy and don't share a whole lot, so I can only guess at their motivations. I think they are actually K in disguise, but their writing includes RESEARCH and HISTORY. And isn't made up of bad physics. Nevermind. They aren't K. I changed my mind.
Me? I'm the one who is writing the Book That Never Ends. It goes on…and on. I just published a new chapter for the first time this month. One more thing to edit. I went to a writer's conference this weekend and learned more marketing techniques that I won't use because I am writing the Never Ending Story. I bought books to read. I've set a deadline for next year in finishing all this reading. I sew people for fun, and I'm overworked but overpaid. Come to me to ask about wounds and I'll oblige by telling you why the injury can't happen, and then I'll try to rewrite your plot.
How was that, Janet? Did I get everybody?
Conehead. Singular. Norm is not a conehead. Oh, and butter is not made of mucous. It is a body fluid that has nutritional properties rather than for repelling allergens.
And bee vomit is tasty. Nyah.
I will add material about the dress. Good point.
Have them match. If the trim color of enlisted is red on a black uniform, then the officers are red uniforms with black trim
They did it all the time on Gilligans island!
Janet, the summer is still going on. All of us have taken a break from the chaos and are just starting to recover. Take your time. We'll be waiting for you.
do you go by Jan or Janet? I can't believe I don't know that.
:-)
I'm getting my bootie kicked from here to Neverland. Will try to get to your new chapters soon!
I'm working a string of 5 out of 6, but the weather is cool. Optimism is high for a date with Kirsey.
All he needs is jelly. Then the parts magically create and assemble themselves.
