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You said, "This has been my intention from the beginning, but the event that triggers this is kind of the climax of the whole first book. Trying to motivate her prior to this has been the problem. I think I'm leaning K and NJC's direction in letting her join a third party outside of the Scofflaws and the Empire. The details of that have yet to be determined"

Here's a thought to chew on. It is incredibly hard to figure out where to start a story. Where the book begins. Writing an entire book to get a passive character into the game is more like a character exploration, rather than engaging action. Don't get me wrong. I understand the value of the 'reluctant heroine' who is sucked into the action despite every effort to leave. If that is your goal, then give her no choice. The trap door closes…she has to duck under or be trapped for eternity. She has to decide whether to get on a plane or stay and live a safe life…but then she realizes her purse is on the plane and it has the only existing picture of her dear-departed gramma tucked inside.

In other words, it is fate shoving Maya forward and she is caught in the current.

Otherwise, start your story AFTER Maya realizes her priorities so that the action flows. Or make Maya a secondary character who the other characters have to motivate.

It's hard to change the format of the book, minimizing the struggles of a character you identify with. For me, Airen was the character I identified with the most. When people read the first few versions, they really didn't like her. When I turned attention to Kha, Airen fit better. Going into her head made her more of a bitch rather than a mystery.

Ironically, Alda is the character I identify most with in Dictates. However, I had to be prompted to add more of her perspective.

K is going to have a field day with this one, because he keeps hoping that Airen is going to be dropped into lava or eaten by a dragon. No love lost there.

So my advice is to figure out where to start the story. When I paid for a critique from a Lit Agency, the biggest compliment was that I picked the right place to start. The surprise was that I didn't do enough world-building to let people understand the context.

Either way, your story…your world.

I'm thinking that 3 visits to an ER are unlikely to be a voluntary thing.

About your question, Elisheva. Here is an idea. Ask yourself why Maya isn't motivated, rather than how to move her along.

Here is an example of a similar problem that I've dealt with. Jaylene is a passive character by nature. Yet she is a general, and a leader in her church. I initially saw her as a reluctant hero. I modeled her after the person who initially came up with Jaylene's character. Darlene is a sweet soul. She is full of fire when irritated and can plow through people's feelings when there is something that she wants. She is also VERY shy and sometimes pulls into herself when dealing with conflict. Hows that for a difficult character to write?

In initial versions of my story, Jaylene was too passive. Readers didn't like her compared to Alda. It really surprised me, because my friend is a wonderful and complicated person. What I realized is that I had to change Jaylene so that she was the character Darlene envisioned, rather than being modeled after my friend.

Later versions of the character have been dominant, because you don't run an army by being shy or unsure. Jaylene had to pick a course of action and proceed despite doubt. (Like risking the Voice to save Tazar. Like leaving Elston with the knowledge of an insider working within the Church...and then disappearing into the Catacombs to deal with the Horror)

So when you talk about a pivotal event to motivate Maya, consider changing her personality rather than her history. (Is she the one that you define by sighing a lot?  I'm pretty sure that is so. IMO, sighing is something that people do to accept situations that they can't change...i.e. passive)  If you change Maya from a passive to an aggressive voice, she could start to cooperate...or another way of looking at it is to change Maya from a beta female into an alpha. She will act because this is in her nature.

Another way to put it...put on your ornery hat.

Hope this helped. And hope that you are feeling better.

A

The majority has spoken

I had time to institute your changes to the latest chapter, New Jersey. Now on to figuring out what to do with Tazar.

Here is the logic...historical readers enjoy the learning experience as well as the Romance. This is a chance to teach. I play at medieval studies, and I never suspected wind/water wheels to be part of the everyday landscape. It is a tech thing that surprised me. That is why I singled it out.

In the last review, you wondered if the reader would just assume there were random windmills laying around.

Oh myyyy.

Um, I'm not going to let that one slip by. I absolutely NEVER, even once...considered that a water wheel was part of the surroundings. We have been on the moor, in the town, and at the fortress. Then we went on a search for the reivers. NOT ONCE did we see a windmill or water wheel.

At the end of the book, I should know the characters as well as the surroundings. That way, I can concentrate on the action. And the Romance.

Just mention the waterwheel earlier. Simple fix that keeps my head from spinning around and calling the exorcist.

All I truly want is for C to do something with the cloak over her shoulders that is hiding the rock. Shrug it off, drop it to the floor. Don't care. I just want it out of the visual so that she can make an overhand slam against Peter's head.  Everything else is gravy.

However, Janet has C watch the men fight. I think this is a lovely tie-in where she plans what to do based on tactics that she learned that day.

I've thought about the combat and found a couple other thoughts I want to share.

1) C lunges up and hits with an overhand knock on Peter's head. First, is she ambidextrous? Because she would have thrown the knife with her dominant hand, leaving her off-hand for the rock.

2) Declare the prop. First of all, you said, 'knives' (multiple) in a description. Yet you only have C throw away a single weapon. We also need to know that C put the knife in her boot when she woke up at the beginning of the chapter.  You also need to have a scenario where C shows Peter her knife and he knows about it. (At a table or to cut thread while she works with the women.) Otherwise, I have to suspect that he has seen her dress.

3) For the fight...have C replicate a move that she saw while she watched the men fight during Andrew's training. Because she hasn't fought for this entire book, she hasn't worked out in secret...hasn't joined the men in the pell...I can see readers questioning her willingness to use violence.

4) Suggest that you have C use the cloak to trap Peter's sword without allowing him to slice her. That way, the cloak issue is answered and becomes part of the fight. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cloak_and_dagger

5) Rather than having C hit him in the head from a kneeling position (and risk being cut), I suggest that you just have her break Peter's kneecap. That will stop him from following and allow her to escape.

6) Motivation for Peter...His hatred of Matthew should be foremost on the mind. Instead of taunting C about how she interferes with his plans, consider having Peter know about the tryst. Face it, the house steward knows. Therefore, he might have mentioned this to Peter. That makes killing C all the more sweeter because Matthew will be hurt by killing his lover. (If Peter knows about the knife in the boot, why doesn't he know about the affair?)

I beg to differ about the timing of hard spirits.  Here are a few sources...not the best, but something.

Proof that distilled liquor (in bulk) was in production as early as 1495 according to taxation records.   http://www.scotch-whisky.org.uk/underst … ch-whisky/ 

Text about the history of distillation:
A major development in alcohol during the Middle Ages (about 500–1500 CE) was the discovery of distillation and the subsequent production of distilled spirits. However, there is no agreement as to exactly when or where distillation was first perfected. Authorities disagree as to whether it was in China, Greece, Italy, Arabia, or elsewhere (1). However, strong evidence suggests that it was in Arabia (28–30). What is clear is that Albertus Magnus (1193–1280) was the first person to clearly describe the process whereby distilled spirits could be produced (1).

Physicians, monks, and others slowly became interested in distilling alcohol as a medication rather than as a drink produced for enjoyment or other purposes. It was a professor of medicine, Amaldus of Villanova (d. 1315), who apparently named distilled spirits aqua vitae (water of life). He wrote, ‘We call it [distilled liquor] aqua vitae, and this name is remarkably suitable, since it is really a water of immortality. It prolongs life, clears away ill-humors, revives the heart, and maintains youth’ (31, p. 172). During the fifteenth century a German physician identified over two dozen conditions that he claimed distilled spirits benefitted or cured (31).

Source: http://www.oxfordscholarship.com/view/1 … chapter-01

Fair enough. I can add in the points that you've both pointed out.

Got it. Will correct this sooner than later. You are saying this is a transistor scene and the rules have changed. Like a description of a forest moving to a rocky trail, I've changed Petra and then failed to describe her transition...despite making the reader expect this content.

Will fix this and repost.