You knew that young man over there; you practically knew him to death. And my sisters, you knew them, but you layeth now in thy bed and tell me you don't even know my name after I pulled you from the grave. Please, Father, riseth to the occasion one more time and leaveth me not in this world a virgin.
376 2018-04-21 12:10:34
Re: Anyone want to play again? (13 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
377 2018-04-20 02:35:56
Re: Writing courses (22 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
vern wrote:A bit of a contrarian, I suppose, but in my opinion, the best book on writing you can read is the book you write on whatever subject you are passionate about -- novel or non-fiction doesn't matter. If you write the book you want to write in your words, then take sage advice from those you trust to tweak it as need may be, then you have just graduated from the best creative writing course there in the known universe. Might be a best seller or might be less than well received by the public at large; it is still yours and the personal goal will be met regardless of the monetary finish line. Just the way I see it. Take care. Vern
aka “recipe for inertia”
That would be correct if you are optimistic enough to continue on that straight line to your destination and not let outside forces knock you off course. Of course everyone may not feel that way. That's what makes the world go round. Makes me wonder who taught those first great writers; I mean the ones who happened to make it before all those how to writing books? Yep, I think inertia would fit in there somewhere within that first draft. Take care. Vern
378 2018-04-19 22:54:46
Re: Writing courses (22 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
A bit of a contrarian, I suppose, but in my opinion, the best book on writing you can read is the book you write on whatever subject you are passionate about -- novel or non-fiction doesn't matter. If you write the book you want to write in your words, then take sage advice from those you trust to tweak it as need may be, then you have just graduated from the best creative writing course there in the known universe. Might be a best seller or might be less than well received by the public at large; it is still yours and the personal goal will be met regardless of the monetary finish line. Just the way I see it. Take care. Vern
379 2018-04-19 12:02:55
Re: Welcome (264 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
Hello all,
I am a new member of this awesome community.
Started writing some bits couple of months ago. A PhD scholar though. I write because I love the freedom I get from it. No pressure, no deadlines, no judgement, just freedom. Absolutely love it.
Read some articles and reviews here, must say, it is really satisfying and motivating. I wish to stay here and learn some skills.
Thanks a lot.
Have a great day!
Garima
Hi, GS, welcome to the site. Learning is a two-way street; you'll probably teach us a lot along the way. Take care. Vern
380 2018-04-09 21:04:22
Re: Passing on Some Good News (14 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
Triple congrats. Hope there is a big pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Take care. Vern
381 2018-04-06 22:49:46
Re: Newbie posted new work (1 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
Nothing out of line; if you don't ask, you don't know if it would work or not -- sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. This is a fickle bunch and much depends on the tone of the question, in which case you pass muster in that you're not playing the "poor-little-me" card. I actually read your story yesterday, but didn't have time for a review. Most likely I'll get around to it this weekend, that being Sunday and Monday for me. I will say the sex is certainly not gratuitous, not even close. Good luck. Take care. Vern
382 2018-04-05 23:02:35
Re: Spanking new (5 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Basic)
Hi, Claire, welcome to the site, aka @$^$^#$ at times, lol. If you post to the Premium Group, you'll probably get a lot more input through reviews. Good luck. Take care. Vern
383 2018-03-29 02:33:24
Re: No Reviews (7 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
Okay, I'm going out on a limb here, but I'm sure you know the prime directive is review, review, review -- I don't know if you've made that first effort yet but assume that you have since you've been here long enough to understand that. So, now comes the sawing off of the limb. I looked at the first several para of each chapter posted and must admit I couldn't get into the story.
Your title indicates a probable sci-fi (never looked at the genre) about time travel or such, but pretty much all I read is description upon description of how the characters look and/or are dressed. No action or indication of such in that or the casual dialogue thrown into the mix. Speaking only for myself, I had no reason to continue reading. That may be true for others or it just might be me. My best advice would be to find a hook early on which would hold the attention of your projected audience. I'm not trying to be rude or a hard ass, just offering my opinion on your question. That would be my style -- not for everyone -- if I had actually reviewed the work. Good luck. Take care. Vern
384 2018-03-23 22:35:36
Re: Thank you, TNBW! (10 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
Best way to deal with those people is just start talking to yourself as soon as they're in earshot and don't let up. Take care. Vern
385 2018-03-19 03:50:29
Re: A different critique (34 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
vern wrote:Malcom Reynolds wrote:“Agree!” the parakeet roared.
Until it was hoarse and could roar no more. Take care. Vern
“Ooh! Ooh!” the orangutan tweeted.
Oops, not allowed to talk Trump in these forums, lol. Take care. Vern
386 2018-03-19 00:28:29
Re: A different critique (34 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
vern wrote:So, the discussion is now where it belongs imo; whether "roar" is appropriate or not within the sentence. This is what imo the reviewer and/or author should be asking as opposed to an obscure (for most folks) rule which in essence would add little if anything to the description in this specific case though that assertion may not be true for all sentences with similar structure.
We can have different opinions of what exactly defines a "roar" and if a particular definition is what the author is trying to present to the reader. It is all good and from this perspective, there is no right or wrong, merely what is in the eye of the beholder. The author would/should make that final calculation after considering the various angles from reviewers. Quite interesting me thinks. Take care. Vern
“Agree!” the parakeet roared.
Until it was hoarse and could roar no more. Take care. Vern
387 2018-03-19 00:16:09
Re: A different critique (34 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
So, the discussion is now where it belongs imo; whether "roar" is appropriate or not within the sentence. This is what imo the reviewer and/or author should be asking as opposed to an obscure (for most folks) rule which in essence would add little if anything to the description in this specific case though that assertion may not be true for all sentences with similar structure.
We can have different opinions of what exactly defines a "roar" and if a particular definition is what the author is trying to present to the reader. It is all good and from this perspective, there is no right or wrong, merely what is in the eye of the beholder. The author would/should make that final calculation after considering the various angles from reviewers. Quite interesting me thinks. Take care. Vern
388 2018-03-18 20:35:02
Re: A different critique (34 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
vern wrote:Lynne Clark wrote:*wanders onto Google to look up antecedents...*
Yes, I understand the rules are there for a reason, that being to make things clear. My point is that in this instance, it is obviously clear without using google to look up obscure rules the preponderance of readers and writers have no idea exist. That is going beyond what I dare say any publisher/editor would be concerned within the context of a story. But if someone is looking for that technical detail in a review then they are well beyond anything I could offer or would seek on this site.
I do wish this had come up before the clarification that cheetahs don't roar because that is precisely what I was going for. When we overlook a factual error, contradictions, plot holes, transitions, etc. in our search for technical fault, that is a case of sticking to rules to the detriment of creative writing imho. Take care. Vern
The structure of that sentence is what I thought you were going for when you started the discussion, since it was flawed. (The sentence structure, not the discussion. That's one example of what I mean.
) I agree that an isolated sentence like the one you proposed is not likely to raise the concern of editors - though they would likely correct it - or cause readers to shake their heads in confusion. But if I had the time on this Sunday of March Madness and Tiger in the hunt at Bay Hill, I would give you more examples to show why sticking to proper construction is important for clarity.
I also am wandering in from watchin Tiger in the hunt -- but not so much any more after that last bogey -- and I agree the sentence structure would be a problem if the meaning were not clear, but when it is absolutely clear without defying logic, then the precise sentence structure becomes a non-issue, countless examples where it is not clear notwithstanding, imho. Take care. Vern
389 2018-03-18 18:50:10
Re: A different critique (34 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
jack the knife wrote:vern wrote:As you state, "its" obviously refers to the cheetah, so, I suppose if anyone would attribute "its" to a roar having its picture taken, then we can throw all logic and the rules governing such out the window. I did consider the "a vs the" situation, but ultimately decided it had no consequence in the grand scheme of things. Nothing wrong per se with rearranging other than "startling me" is a bit less dramatic imo. Take care. Vern
The rules of sentence structure regarding antecedents are there for a reason: to avoid ambiguity in every instance, not just berry-picking examples. In the given sentence, it's fairly obvious the cheetah is the antecedent, but structurally, it isn't. Excusing this because the meaning should be clear here ignores countless other instances where the meaning is not clear and gives a pass to sloppy sentence construction. Next subject: dangling participles.
*wanders onto Google to look up antecedents...*
Yes, I understand the rules are there for a reason, that being to make things clear. My point is that in this instance, it is obviously clear without using google to look up obscure rules the preponderance of readers and writers have no idea exist. That is going beyond what I dare say any publisher/editor would be concerned within the context of a story. But if someone is looking for that technical detail in a review then they are well beyond anything I could offer or would seek on this site.
I do wish this had come up before the clarification that cheetahs don't roar because that is precisely what I was going for. When we overlook a factual error, contradictions, plot holes, transitions, etc. in our search for technical fault, that is a case of sticking to rules to the detriment of creative writing imho. Take care. Vern
390 2018-03-18 16:43:38
Re: A different critique (34 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
Ignoring whether a cheetah does or does not roar, the given sentence is problematic in its construction. "Its" refers to the cheetah, obviously, but the subject of the opening clause is "roar," so "its" could be referring to the antecedent "roar," which of course is nonsensical. Replacing "a cheetah" with "the cheetah" helps a little but doesn't resolve the issue. The solution I'd propose in my in-line: The cheetah roared, startling me as I snapped its picture. This makes "cheetah" the unambiguous antecedent of "its."
As you state, "its" obviously refers to the cheetah, so, I suppose if anyone would attribute "its" to a roar having its picture taken, then we can throw all logic and the rules governing such out the window. I did consider the "a vs the" situation, but ultimately decided it had no consequence in the grand scheme of things. Nothing wrong per se with rearranging other than "startling me" is a bit less dramatic imo. Take care. Vern
391 2018-03-18 14:20:01
Re: A different critique (34 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
Cheetahs make a weird snarl sound. If I read "roar of a cheetah", it's exactly this sound I would picture. Same with an elephant... "roar of an elephant" would give me images of an elephant making a loud elephant noise (eg not a lion noise). Third example: Katy Perry saying "hear me roar"... well humans aren't good at that activity but I can still visualize it.
I suppose I'm asking if the quote in OP was presented in a symbolic nature or factual?
The sentence was/is presented as an example where the author may not in fact know he/she has made an error. And many times, we as reviewers simply read over and accept it without comment because we are also unsure.
To quote:
***Cheetahs purr whereas big cats such as leopards,jaguars,lions, and tigers do not have the purring capability. Only these true large cats listed above can roar. Cheetahs do not roar because they do not have the capability of "true" large cats.***
Thanks for the input. Take care. Vern
392 2018-03-18 14:07:49
Re: A different critique (34 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
Unless, of course, it was because cheetahs don't usually roar that the sound startled the photographer? That would be valid, I think.
Maybe. Nope, they're not just lazy, they can't roar, so "don't usually" wouldn't be valid in this case. Unless of course the photographer was on a mad scientist's island where all sorts of strange things might happen. Now, we're getting somewhere. The paperback should be out soon. Take care. Vern
393 2018-03-18 14:00:50
Re: A different critique (34 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
Indeed.
Or (for the sake of a capital C), if the Cheetah were a powerboat and the photographer at the marina?
(Joking!)
LOL, I should've used that as backup. Take care. Vern
394 2018-03-18 04:20:45
Re: A different critique (34 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
Do cheetahs roar?
Exactly. No they don't. Damn, that was too easy, lol. But perhaps the author will think they do and we can discuss that. Take care. Vern
395 2018-03-18 04:01:33
Topic: A different critique (34 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
"The roar of a cheetah startled me when I snapped its picture."
Let's say you came across the above sentence in a story you were reviewing. What comment, if any, would you leave for the author? Take care. Vern
396 2018-03-14 22:55:42
Re: Opening stories with prologues and dreams (20 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
Open question to the author community, (and out of genuine interest):
Which 'great storyteller' do you emulate and what is it about that particular 'storyteller' that made you imitate them?
I tend to admire and lean toward Mark Twain in my writing. That probably has more to do with my own upbringing and also having had him read to the class during our "rest period" in elementary school. Most kids napped; I listened to the exciting stories. I submitted a sample of my writing to one those online sites which tell you whose writing you resemble and it said Mark Twain. I submitted another sample and it said Samuel Clemmons. It is what it is, lol. Take care. Vern
397 2018-03-12 13:35:49
Re: Grammar Questions (20 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
Doesn't it depend on when it is being told to the reader? The story could have occured in the past, but the telling is in the present. So the tense would be present tense when the aside comments pulling the reader into the story are made, and in past when the story is being told.
Pretty much the opinion when the narrator is speaking in a more or less conversational tone, using both past and present tense as most of us do when telling story in person. Take care. Vern
398 2018-03-11 23:03:27
Re: Grammar Questions (20 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
It is not true that the story has already occurred if it's being told to the reader.....
Just think: any action = past tense. Commentary, random tidbits, truth, audible or internal thoughts along the journey = are cool as present.
I suppose it's all in the eye of the author or reader as the case may be. However, if a story has already occurred, it is by definition in the past regardless of the amount of time difference. Still, you may as an author relay it as unfolding in the present tense if it fits your narration style.
By the same token, no rules are set in concrete. "So, I pick up my beer and take a drink" is action in present tense, not the past. "I flip him the bird" would also be action in the present tense as told by the author in a conversational voice. There really is no right or wrong for these particular situations; one can have their cake and eat it too. Take care. Vern
Edited to extend quote.
399 2018-03-11 22:41:27
Re: Opening stories with prologues and dreams (20 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
There are exceptions to every "rule" except of course the one I just stated. You can find success stories which break basically every so-called rule of writing. That doesn't mean that "you/we" can break them with impunity. It also doesn't mean that we will be put to the guillotine should we break any "cardinal rules" placed upon the shoulders of would be authors. If it works, it works. But the odds are that you and I as unknown authors will not pass the preconceptions of agents/editors/publishers, etc. which may take a gander at our stories. Sure we can self-publish if that is the route we wish to take and there are success stories in that category also -- just a whole lot more that don't quite pay the rent. So, we must ask ourselves, "Do you want to take the shot or not; well, do you, ...? Go for it. Take care. Vern
400 2018-03-09 12:38:30
Re: Guard or guard? (15 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
I agree with all that K says with one possible exception in the eye of this totally non-expert. I take it to mean that when you refer to a "guard" informally that you are referring specifically to a member of this elite guard and it is merely a substitute for their complete title much the same way we refer to "Mom" when referring to our specific mother rather than just any mother out there in the crowd of mothers. If that is not the case, then I withdraw my input. But either way, thee is a reason I don't as a rule comment on grammar/punctuation in reviews I may give. Take care. Vern