351

(15 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

I would think using transitional phrase would be akin to using the oft maligned "was". It's not the use, rather the overuse which becomes the problem. Let's face it, we live and talk in a world where the transitional phrase evolved as part of our language. It serves a purpose like everything else, but, of course can also become a crutch like "was" when taken for granted. If the transitional phrase is limited, it will become as invisible as "said" being used as a speaker tag.

There are lots of ways to mix things up to avoid the transitional phrase to limit its use much as rewording sentences to restrict the use of "was" to those times where nothing will do the job as well. As mentioned, dialogue can be a great way to rearrange things, but that too can be rearranged to showcase things differently. For example, Deck's version could perhaps  be changed slightly to more align with your vision:

***

"... solely in the hands of___" The shock wave rocked Joseph on his feet. "What the hell was that," he yelled as prisoners fled from their cells.
He thought he heard "Explosion!" through the wailing siren and ringing in his ears.


***
Or such.

No one way to make everyone happy, just try various alternatives until You are satisfied with the words read aloud. As with anything, a pinch of salt is generally better than a shaker full. And a little pepper may be even better. Just my opinion. Take care. Vern

If you call them Father Calabrese, etc., you are in fact giving them a name which is sufficient to identify them as minor or even more than minor characters. The vast majority of people I "know" are only identified by one name and even if they share that one name with others in my circle, they are still only identified by one name in my mind and I have no problem knowing who they are within a group or separate. Let's face it, to call someone Father Calabrese is in effect giving them a full name. How likely are you to run into another Father Calabrese? If you do so in your story, the solution is simple; give one a different name. I would say that one name alone would be sufficient for a non-recurring character and certainly a title plus one name is more than adequate for the circumstance. Take care. Vern

353

(20 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Oh, jeez, that someone thinks a short story would make a good novel is not an insult unless you are just looking for insults -- no this shouldn't be taken as one either. Every story starts with an idea whether a short story or novel or novella, or just an anecdote and any good idea has the potential to become a short story or a novel depending upon how one wishes to expand upon it. No one forces anyone to turn a good short story into a novel any more than one is forced to turn a good idea into a short story. Writer's choice. But certainly an author would grant a reader to the freedom to compliment the good idea and it's rendition within a short story having the real possibility of a good novel also. Just a differing opinion on the subject. Take care. Vern

They keep saying God is dead. Well, I may not be dead yet, but I Am dying. And so, dear lady, you will have to get another job.

You might want to check this post for a possible answer -- or not:
https://www.thenextbigwriter.com/forums … tml#p34441
The Devil made me do it. Take care. Vern

You keep telling us you built an ark, but look at this floor; the boards don't even align the same way. And why would you keep the snakes and not the unicorn?

357

(3 replies, posted in Shred)

People write for different reasons? Maybe. But it boils down to one thing; they have a passion or at least a strong desire to write for whatever reason. Now, it may be true that passion or desire comes about for different reasons, but the "want" is the only thing which drives one to write. One simply doesn't write if they don't have that passion from where ever it comes. Otherwise, they will not put words to paper unless "forced" to do so by some outside agent such as a teacher or other authority figure or perhaps an attempt to keep from starving so to speak.

Yes, lots of good stories in the Bible and they pretty much all were written because of the passion to write those stories. They most certainly weren't written by God, either personally or dictated. They were written by men who had a passion to preserve their accounts of what they believed. They
wanted others to accept their version of the story and often the different authors presented different versions of basically the same story because their passion had different details which they wanted to espouse.

So, I would say, yes, we may write for different reasons in a sense, but those different reasons are because of different passions or degrees of desire. Just an opinion of course. Take care. Vern

358

(9 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Yumpyyum wrote:

I haven't figured out how to reply seperatly but you guys are awesome. Thank you so so much. To Alan,  the main reason i joined was to figure out with the help of you guys of course what genre I could fit in. Majorly I like to write inspirational/motivational articles. I also like writing stories and making sure there's a moral lesson behind each story. I like writing articles about what's not working in my democratic system. I like writing about the moral decadence and injustice witnessed on a daily basis. I also like to banter with words lol. Basically it's like a jack of all trade kind of thing but illd really love for it to be defined

Hi, Yum, you can answer individual posts by clicking on the "quote" option in lower right of the box. You can edit out parts if you wish by deleting unwanted material or copy and paste just what you wish to reply to. You can also use BBCode to respond to a particular author's post by clickiong the BBCode option at the top right of the post box and follow those directions. It takes a while to get to know all the ins and outs of the system and some you may never use and figure out your own way to navigate. Take care. Vern

359

(2 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

I'm sorry, but there is a poltergeist ensconced within the parameters of the digital-verse where all reviews reside and it -- the poltergeist -- is high on the essence of virtual ink fumes forming a magnetic cloud over its heretofore spirited domain. Here's hoping a good rain will wash it away. Take care. Vern

SolN wrote:

We're in the planning phase and hope to launch in two weeks or so. You can enter any book you want regardless of whether it has been entered before.

I would assume, as before, it must be published/republished after a certain date to be eligible. Take care. Vern

Lynne Clark wrote:
Stephen A. Carter wrote:

I can't figure out how to combine books already published, Vern, but I'm digging into it. I may try to see if admin can help if I can't figure it out.

You can't. You will have to start again, marking them as a book and then adding in the chapters. I too discovered this the hard way when I arrived. Waste of points but better now than later and it makes it much easier as you go along.

No, you don't have to start again. You're not starting from scratch. You already have more than one book so choose the one with the most material and then place the chapters from any other book (copy and paste) you wish to be there and arrange the chapters in whatever order you wish. You will have to use points for adding those chapters, but that's a small price to pay for the education. It might be fun, but you don't have to learn everything by trial and error. Most answers are in the forums somewhere for the asking. Take care. Vern

Why don't you just put all the chapters in one book? You can renumber the chapters however you wish. I haven't reviewed any of the chapters, but have read some and would say you are making it a bit difficult for your readers to make them bounce between "books" for the same story. And of course you would also have to bounce between them to keep the reviews straight. Just my opinion. Take care. Vern

Titles can't be copyrighted. Take care. Vern

Edited for PS: Trademark is a different animal.

You knew that young man over there; you practically knew him to death. And my sisters, you knew them, but you layeth now in thy bed and tell me you don't even know my name after I pulled you from the grave. Please, Father, riseth to the occasion one more time and leaveth me not in this world a virgin.

365

(22 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Malcolm Reynolds wrote:
vern wrote:

A bit of a contrarian, I suppose, but in my opinion, the best book on writing you can read is the book you write on whatever subject you are passionate about -- novel or non-fiction doesn't matter. If you write the book you want to write in your words, then take sage advice from those you trust to tweak it as need may be, then you have just graduated from the best creative writing course there in the known universe. Might be a best seller or might be less than well received by the public at large; it is still yours and the personal goal will be met regardless of the monetary finish line. Just the way I see it. Take care. Vern

aka “recipe for inertia”

That would be correct if you are optimistic enough to continue on that straight line to your destination and not let outside forces knock you off course. Of course everyone may not feel that way. That's what makes the world go round. Makes me wonder who taught those first great writers; I mean the ones who happened to make it before all those how to writing books? Yep, I think inertia would fit in there somewhere within that first draft. Take care. Vern

366

(22 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

A bit of a contrarian, I suppose, but in my opinion, the best book on writing you can read is the book you write on whatever subject you are passionate about -- novel or non-fiction doesn't matter. If you write the book you want to write in your words, then take sage advice from those you trust to tweak it as need may be, then you have just graduated from the best creative writing course there in the known universe. Might be a best seller or might be less than well received by the public at large; it is still yours and the personal goal will be met regardless of the monetary finish line. Just the way I see it. Take care. Vern

367

(260 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Garima Singh wrote:

Hello all,
I am a new member of this awesome community.
Started writing some bits couple of months ago. A PhD scholar though. I write because I love the freedom I get from it. No pressure, no deadlines, no judgement, just freedom. Absolutely love it.
Read some articles and reviews here, must say, it is really satisfying and motivating. I wish to stay here and learn some skills.
Thanks a lot.
Have a great day!
Garima

Hi, GS, welcome to the site. Learning is a two-way street; you'll probably teach us a lot along the way. Take care. Vern

Triple congrats. Hope there is a big pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Take care. Vern

Nothing out of line; if you don't ask, you don't know if it would work or not -- sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. This is a fickle bunch and much depends on the tone of the question, in which case you pass muster in that you're not playing the "poor-little-me" card. I actually read your story yesterday, but didn't have time for a review. Most likely I'll get around to it this weekend, that being Sunday and Monday for me. I will say the sex is certainly not gratuitous, not even close. Good luck. Take care. Vern

370

(5 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Basic)

Hi, Claire, welcome to the site, aka @$^$^#$ at times, lol. If you post to the Premium Group, you'll probably get a lot more input through reviews. Good luck. Take care. Vern

371

(7 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Okay, I'm going out on a limb here, but I'm sure you know the prime directive is review, review, review -- I don't know if you've made that first effort yet but assume that you have since you've been here long enough to understand that. So, now comes the sawing off of the limb. I looked at the first several para of each chapter posted and must admit I couldn't get into the story.

Your title indicates a probable sci-fi (never looked at the genre) about time travel or such, but pretty much all I read is description upon description of how the characters look and/or are dressed. No action or indication of such in that or the casual dialogue thrown into the mix. Speaking only for myself, I had no reason to continue reading. That may be true for others or it just might be me. My best advice would be to find a hook early on which would hold the attention of your projected audience. I'm not trying to be rude or a hard ass, just offering my opinion on your question. That would be my style -- not for everyone -- if I had actually reviewed the work. Good luck. Take care. Vern

372

(10 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Best way to deal with those people is just start talking to yourself as soon as they're in earshot and don't let up. Take care. Vern

373

(34 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Malcom Reynolds wrote:
vern wrote:
Malcom Reynolds wrote:

“Agree!” the parakeet roared.

Until it was hoarse and could roar no more. Take care. Vern

“Ooh! Ooh!” the orangutan tweeted.

Oops, not allowed to talk Trump in these forums, lol. Take care. Vern

374

(34 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Malcom Reynolds wrote:
vern wrote:

So, the discussion is now where it belongs imo; whether "roar" is appropriate or not within the sentence. This is what imo the reviewer and/or author should be asking as opposed to an obscure (for most folks) rule which in essence would add little if anything to the description in this specific case though that assertion may not be true for all sentences with similar structure.

We can have different opinions of what exactly defines a "roar" and if a particular definition is what the author is trying to present to the reader. It is all good and from this perspective, there is no right or wrong, merely what is in the eye of the beholder. The author would/should make that final calculation after considering the various angles from reviewers. Quite interesting me thinks. Take care. Vern

“Agree!” the parakeet roared.

Until it was hoarse and could roar no more. Take care. Vern

375

(34 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

So, the discussion is now where it belongs imo; whether "roar" is appropriate or not within the sentence. This is what imo the reviewer and/or author should be asking as opposed to an obscure (for most folks) rule which in essence would add little if anything to the description in this specific case though that assertion may not be true for all sentences with similar structure.

We can have different opinions of what exactly defines a "roar" and if a particular definition is what the author is trying to present to the reader. It is all good and from this perspective, there is no right or wrong, merely what is in the eye of the beholder. The author would/should make that final calculation after considering the various angles from reviewers. Quite interesting me thinks. Take care. Vern