'Daring To Believe'
Come, take my hand in time and space
Climb aboard in faith and grace
Discarding all pain and fretfulness
Daring to believe
No child with hollow eyes of dread
Full of more than crumbs of bread
Tears of joy not helplessness
Daring to believe
No crooked legs and joints with pain
Extended bellies so profane
Only tears of gratefulness
Daring to believe
No hatred due to shape of eyes
Nor tint of skin to so despise
Religions joined in respectfulness
Daring to believe
No more marches for a cause
We now see souls instead of flaws
Man hand in hand in alikeness
Daring to believe
War is done ... we have finally learned
The losses too brutal for all concerned
Many heads hanging in regretfulness
Daring to believe
Step inside ... prepare to launch
Like a child be brave and staunch
Free from strife and agedness
Daring to believe
Feel the pull from the past
Return it shouts ... this dream won't last
Surely you see its aimlessness
Daring to believe
Ah ... but forward we all must stride
To fail to soar we can't abide
Can't you feel the airlessness
Daring to believe
© Copyright 2025 flowing pencil. All rights reserved.
Regular reviews are a general comments about the work read. Provide comments on plot, character development, description, etc.
In-line reviews allow you to provide in-context comments to what you have read. You can comment on grammar, word usage, plot, characters, etc.
Ah, you Are there! Very timely, this is; I really like the pace and of course your words. Just a thought. . maybe take off the 'ing' on discarding. .and leave out the 'we' before all must stride. . think it fits together better 'syllable wise'. What a night we've had in this neck of the woods. What more can Dallas give of itself?
Love to see your work come through. Good job. . .Judy
ah.. I will take a look Judy! It is an older piece. Always appreciate feedback and especially critical as it has served me well on this site. Lord I would still be writing.. woeful sad sack self pity pieces.. LOL.. Though I've kept a couple of those.
I had a struggle posting this piece.. the spacing and at times question marks posted and I don't have a clue why. I didn't hit the ??? key! But then.. only four hours of sleep per night for three night ... after one night with nada! I'm a wreck. :D I know.. what's new!
Will take a look in a bit.. Gotta get some coffee in me.
Patti
You are absolutely right, Patti. This needs to be revisited - perhaps several times in the coming months. Things do indeed not bode well for our future if this violence keep escalating, witness the incident last night. The major problem, as I see it, is that there are many people and groups out there that have their own form of beliefs and are intolerant of others. Between that and racial discord, I fear the worst.
~Tom
Tom.. my apologies for taking so long.. horribly sleep deprived.. so I've not addressed these reviews. Having said that.. I don't want to keep putting it off.
I always appreciate your feedback and support. While I may revisit the piece, the more I read I read it the more I like the way it is. It says what I want to say.. perhaps not what others would say but that is the way it should be. Too many changes and it is no longer the creator.
Things are a mess eh? Why any supreme being would trust man with man... must think we will get it right someday.
Patti
Ub, ub, ub...
I sat staring at the bright screen not knowing what to say. You've tapped into the ongoing plight of the day. Again. The words, like a double edged sword cut both ways. To and fro. There is no escaping, until the pulse withers and dies. You are the grim reaper. You gain the souls of all, regardless of what is believed, the deity worshiped, how long lived, rich or poor, starved or hale, righteous or not, death from illness, old age, or by the hand of the law, a zealot, a twisted mind. In the end it doesn't matter, except to those who remain, many who plod along the same old path not seeing what beauty is really available to him or her, eyes closed to the simple truth of life. The wheel turns regardless.
OK put that in your bong and smoke it.
You bin gone awhile. Me too. Tryin' to move to the other side of the island. Met a witch. She turned me into a newt. I'm bettah now.
Get out and enjoy that too short summer. Smell the flowers, but don't get a bee up your nose.
Ernie
I so needed to laugh! Yes I've been a bit tardy and absent. Lack of sleep/feeling punk and trying to get ready for a load of company come late Aug/Sept... Lots to do...
Most likely I will not be here much until September and then will try to catch up on writers I'm behind on.
IF you post something you want me to look at.. PLEASE message me as I will get the message. Days pass and I simply haven't had the energy to check in and do a responsible review.
Only three hours of broken sleep last night so if this make no sense at all? You know why.
:D
Patti
Thank you so much for your continued support and encouragement. I value it!!
Flo, as usual, your poem vividly and decisively projects an emotion, or in this case emotions. You have events that evoke despair, hope emerging to fight that--hope based in faith, 'daring to believe.' But maybe you can bring in love as the remedy--completing the trifecta: faith, hope, and charity. Also, as it is a reissue, maybe you can bring in some of the contemporary concerns: rising tensions between Russia and the US, the black community and the police. Nice job.
Sorry I'm tardy but as I told Tom.. I've been horribly sleep deprived. This is an older piece and while I always take feedback seriously.. I normally wait awhile. This I believe is a published piece of work. Which of course doesn't exclude changes.
I will take another look at it.. when I have some clarity and sleep.
As for making it current? Man's behavior hasn't changed since the beginning of time.
It isn't about this country or that country. It is about man. I'm not versed well enough politically to address that. I so wish I was but I leave that to far better writers and thinkers like you.
Once I'm feeling better.. I will take another look.
Patti
This is awesome, Patti. I dig the comparing and contrasting of the realms. One of the best parts: "Like a child be brave and staunch" Children have great vision and their innocence enables them to be courageous and have faith.
"To fail to soar we can't abide
Can't you feel the airlessness
Daring to believe"
Wonderful poem:-)
Peace,
Mike
Ah dear writer friend.. Please you liked this and I'm sorry it has taken me three days to respond.. I've had mostly very positive feedback on this here and other places. And from many poets I so respect.. it is an older piece as I know not to try and write with half a brain.. :D So I'm touching up older pieces. Some of which I am embarrassed to claim as mine. LOL. I've improved greatly due to support and guidance of other poets I'm in contact with.
Will try and catch up a bit before I have to take a break. No way can do justice here etc and also get ready for all the events coming later this month and most of August. It may be September before I'm totally back.
BUT I will check in now and then. Also if there is a special piece a member wants me to read .. he/she can message me as i think those show up in email?
Thank you for your loyalty and worthy responses. You have helped me grow.
Patti
Hi Patti,
You have created another intriguing and thought-provoking piece. I love the message and hope and peace of the initial paragraphs. My favorite line "We now see souls instead of flaws."
I also like the idea of looking forward to a better world rather than back on our mistakes. Your words continue full of meaning, drawing the reader forward.
Well done--Lance
Thank you Lance. i value your opinion and feedback. it is an older piece as creativity is kinda in limbo or kinda like a bear in hibernation? LOL.. I've learned NOT to create when my mind is cloudy and my body tired.
Will be finishing your novel.. and hopefully catching up on another and then I will be rather absent until September. i cannot do justice to the site and other obligations and still have the time and energy to ready for company and once here? They get all my attention.. UNLESS they leave on day trips. Then I may peek in. OR NAP!
Thank you again for reading and pleased you found it worthy. Always point out what doesn't work though. i am open to any suggestions that doesn't change my intent.
Patti
Patti,
I was just saying this weekend that we really haven't learned anything in the past 40-50 years. The hatred and intolerance is still there. I agree that you could add in a touch of the solution, starting with love, tolerance and respect. This reminded me of the "Imagine's" and "Revolution" of today. Sad to say, humanity is on a downward spiral.
Aside from that, your drawings get better by the minute and you poetry ROCKS!!!!
Perfectly written!!!!
Hey lady! Thank you. Older piece... and feel it so fits today's world as it has for too many years.
I haven't seen you post anything lately or have I missed it? My mind is in a daze and sometimes I don't get to the site for days. I see that reviews have been posted and I simply stare at them.. Too tired to respond with any clarity and do justice to the person who read the piece and left feedback.
I decided i had to do it today and can only hope what I responded with makes some kind
of sense. LOL..
Please message me if you post something!! I will be rather absent until September. No way can this old broad do it all. Company comes first as family I don't get to see except every couple of years. :(
I like this piece. it says what I want it to say. May hone it but will keep my own voice.
Thanks for the continued support!
Patti
The rhyme scheme is sing-songy, and too simple. That being said, I like the sentiment, and you bring it out very well. you wanted to show the link between courage and belief, and the idea that faith is the foundation for change, and you succeed. You show that hope is involved in belief as well. It reminds me of Robert (or was it Teddy) Kennedy's statement about his brother, John. (paraphrased badly) "There are those who look at the world and say, why? There are those who look at the possibilities for change, and say, why not?" Good job, Flo
Did you read it again? Ok.. I will add these comments to the others when I sit down and take a good look at it. Weigh it all and decide if by changing it is no longer true to self.
Sing-Songy has never come up.. but I listen to all feedback.
Thanks again.
Patti
Hey, Flo
I love your poems. You write them so effortlessly (or so it seems). I'm envious.
This was lovely in its sentiment. Oh how I wish it were true. I suppose all we can do is dare to believe.
There's nothing I can add. It's perfect just as it is.
Jeanne
Thank you for reading this piece. It was all due to a photograph I say will children that were emaciated or dying in their mother's arms and how could any GOD who has the power to create "Earth" and "Man" and the heavens but cannot see that the innocents are not sacrifice due to man's need for power etc.. I do not see any "image" of some God in any of them
Sometimes I get so sad I can't even write about it. Which of course serves NO purpose.
Loving the novel! Brought back earlier years and familiar characters.
Patti
You cover many bases in this insightful plea for all to believe. I only with your reference to "war" could come true by believing, but sadly, one can dare to believe, but resultant history seems to have proved us wrong. The other areas you crafted a sense of belief, if only we would spend more creative and diligent time addressing the obstacles. Loved the piece. Write on, Flo.
Thank you so much for reading this piece. Daring to believe is all I have right now. Same with many I'm afraid. I swear it seems as if we are treading backwards. Leaving me stripped at times of hope and belief in mankind.
War most likely will end with life as we know it ... ends. Man hasn't learned nor do I see progress at this time. We have a crazy man in office. Crazy people supporting him.. Money supporting him.. POWER supporting him.. ONLY we as a country can snatch his power away and that is by voting. OR removing him before it is too late. IF NOT already.
Patti
Buffalotales