I like this poem. It's an adventure and reminds me a bit of 'Survivorman'. Excellent alliteration running through it. The satisfied river running by is a good image. Clever. Mysteries-myriads also quite good. Comparing the murkiness of the swamp to your muses is Nobel worthy. Some of this puts me right into the swamp. I can smell it. Drained desires, damning lust is a fine ending to this horror show. I loved it. I hope you publish this somewhere. It's unusual.

Nadine

I love reading good poetry and this my friend is fantastic. I didn't take this literally at all, I saw it as pure passion. This can be of body, mind or spirit but any or all of them would equally apply.

Excellent work, you should seek to get this published.

I've never read a poem quite like this. I, too, enjoyed the alliteration as well as your strong and descriptive word choices. Something about it reminds me of Poe...a dark tale, whether taken literally or figuratively. (I imagine various readers will receive it as either or both.) It is lovely enough to read in a book of great poetry or to listen to around a campfire. Nicely done!

Derek~
This poem has haunting quality to it. "With soft and sanguine sighs" is especially moving.
The only recommendation I have is to end each verse with a period.
The alliteration gives this poem a unique voice.
Congratulations on a job well done. I truly hope that you will consider publishing this piece.

Wow! The more I read it the more I like it. (And I liked it the first time.) The torment of a murky muse, drained desire and damning lust all combine to make me feel dirty, wet, disheartened, yet inspired, because the author clearly has talent streaming through this poem.

The sense of desolation of experience. The lines have a tonality of earthy color, light reflected through the instinctual level, giving the sense of the passage of movement and time, where joy has been forsaken,
leaving mystery instead to muse upon. The consiousness of self, in the rhyming, exaggerates the sensual feeling of the earth filtered by water suppressed by its weight and movement, where the self pushed forward by its slow churning movement. Nice work!

Good use of alliteration. It has a very nice rhythm to it. I would like to see some more imagery. Go more into depth with your descriptions I feel they are too fleeting. Really lovely wording. It's a good start. You are definitely meant for poetry. I'd like to see what else you can create.

This poem is very good. Made me read it twice. It starts out strong with the alliterative line, "Satisfied with sifted silt." You seem to love words and you use them skillfully--that alone makes you a poet. I love the alliteration of "mysteries of myriad miles" and the image of the river that informs the poem.

I would use periods at the ends of sentences since there are identifiable sentences. (In some lyrical poems you really wouldn't want to define the sentences.)

A good poem that evokes more than it says. I'll enjoy seeing more of your work.

Derek.. Don't laugh! I had no idea what 'alliteration' meant! All I write is poetry and short stories and since I have never studied and usually never read poetry I had no clue. Now, I know!!!

This is wonderful writing and it is rare for me to want to keep a copy of a work. This is one of them. Beautiful and depending on the 'mood' of the writer, it can mean something different each time.

What first came to my mind was the futility of fighting. Weird.. but war came to mind. Perhaps more a war within the writer than mankind.. but that is the beauty of excellent writing. "To each his own.."

Love this..

Just about the time I think I can write.. I read something like this and say, "Oh well.. back to the drawing board!" I have no illusions of ever being this good but I can still love the writing.

Flo

Thanks for the lesson too! Alliteration.. series of words starting with the same sound! Yes!!!!!

Hi Derek,

I really like this piece. "Murky as this muse of mine" is such a great line.

What you mean by "Burning brands..." I have no clue and perhaps you could let me know.

"See the depths give up her dead" I could be wrong here Derek, but this is how I see it.

Watch her depths give up the dead...somehow I'm confused what you're referring to using "her dead" is she the depths or the river...or is it just too late for me to be reviewing?

Great stuff!

ulli rische

Poetry isn't my metier -- just one question.

To me, 'dirking' means stabbing with a short weapon-type knife. That seems an odd usage here; I would have read it as 'darking' in prose.