As you know, capitalization of titles is the bane of my existence. In this case, there is only one duke in the story and capitalizing it grants him greater status in the story. Also, I question your rule of one. For example, in Galaxy Tales, there are three emperors (Nero, Apollo, and Caligula). Would you still capitalize it? Also, what about all the historical emperors? (Technically it's no longer an issue since I changed their titles to Augustus, but still...).
1,676 2019-03-29 17:34:27
Re: Savior of the Damned (the Connor series) by Dirk B. (1,492 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
1,677 2019-03-29 00:12:22
Re: Savior of the Damned (the Connor series) by Dirk B. (1,492 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Thanks. It's interesting. In fiction, the following is okay, yet yours is considered incorrect.
The Duke nodded. Walked. Skipped.
Neither one would have made it past my fifth grade English teacher.
1,678 2019-03-28 23:56:18
Re: Savior of the Damned (the Connor series) by Dirk B. (1,492 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
On second thought, does that example above (about the Duke) even need an 'and' to be grammatically correct? The longer I stare at it, the more it appears correct as is.
1,679 2019-03-28 22:23:26
Re: Savior of the Damned (the Connor series) by Dirk B. (1,492 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
I'm rereading Dune. Found a short paragraph with six exclamation marks. :-) Also, when Herbert punctuates lists of words/phrases, he often drops the 'and' before the last element (e.g. The Duke nodded to the men, smiled, traded pleasantries.) I like the way it reads.
1,680 2019-03-28 01:07:31
Re: Acts/ Dictates/ Mandates/ Mantle - Amy's Thread (1,905 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
How are you doing, Amy?
1,681 2019-03-28 00:04:29
Re: The Sorcerer's Progress (1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
You still with us?
1,682 2019-03-26 00:45:25
Re: In-line vs Regular Review (20 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
Thank you, Temple. :-)
1,683 2019-03-25 03:51:32
Re: Savior of the Damned (the Connor series) by Dirk B. (1,492 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
I finally figured out a way of killing clerics that doesn't involve any gratuitous violence. It means blowing up my scenes 1.2 and 2.2, including the staged hanging, but I think it's worth it. Too bad since I just finished writing 2.2. I'll try to sneak in a rewrite of 1.2 before the end of April (tax season). The thriller aspect will come not from different kinds of deaths, but from the detectives racing to find a link between the deaths that will help them identify the next potential victim and, eventually, the Antichrist. This will be much easier to plan and write, reducing the size of my headache. It will also use more elements of Catholicism, which is a big plus.
Yay!
Dirk
1,684 2019-03-24 12:01:04
Re: Savior of the Damned (the Connor series) by Dirk B. (1,492 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Okay. The reporter is out for the first draft. I want to see how the story reads without him before deciding if there's any use for him. I've decided that if there is a reporter, he'll die late in the story. A thinning of the herd.
1,685 2019-03-24 00:08:33
Re: In-line vs Regular Review (20 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
I agree with Bill. It would also make it possible to get rid of quickees. No need for two types of messaging. It would simplify things for new users.
1,686 2019-03-22 00:57:18
Re: Savior of the Damned (the Connor series) by Dirk B. (1,492 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
I'm considering adding an annoying reporter to dog the detectives throughout the hunt, also per your suggestion.
1,687 2019-03-21 19:30:52
Re: Savior of the Damned (the Connor series) by Dirk B. (1,492 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Kdot, I'm going to get a ton of mileage out of the fog/shadowy figure I added. They will show up frequently throughout the book.
Thanks for your suggestion.
1,688 2019-03-16 02:56:46
Re: Savior of the Damned (the Connor series) by Dirk B. (1,492 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Let's just say he's not the marrying type. Feel free to guess though. :-)
1,689 2019-03-16 01:56:43
Re: Savior of the Damned (the Connor series) by Dirk B. (1,492 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Thanks, but the ones who die are supposed to be clerics. ;-) Also, Angelo is single. Never married. That's necessary for where the story will go.
1,690 2019-03-15 23:54:57
Re: Savior of the Damned (the Connor series) by Dirk B. (1,492 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
I can't figure out a way to have my detectives discuss the case "to date" (which is roughly 3-5 days old) for the reader's benefit without it coming off like it's solely for the reader. The draft internal monologue I wrote strikes me as phony too, although I could probably live with it. I have a scene later where they report to the "higher ups", but if I pull that scene forward (so they have someone to report everything to, including the reader), things will move too quickly. I'll have even more trouble telling the detectives' half of the story while limiting the gore. Granted, the Book of Revelation is mostly murder and mayhem, but it doesn't often go down to telling about the deaths of individuals (with details like the cardinal hanging from the chandelier). Mostly the Book of Revelation is death on a large scale, which starts in my book two. I'm not sure how many individual deaths I can get away with before it becomes inappropriate for a Catholic audience. So far, there's been only one confirmed murder (the hanging cardinal). Murders two and three almost went undetected since the two clerics appeared to die in their sleep and were buried without an autopsy (a common occurrence in Italy). There'll be at least one "accidental" death (details TBD) and perhaps one cleric discovered to have been buried alive.
One option is to make most of the deaths seem natural, but it's hard to keep up the tension that way. Another option is to have the detectives visit other cities (countries?) where more deaths have occurred before they get there. The latter is fraught with problems, not least of which will be other police officers "telling" my detectives everything they know about a case, rather than the detectives actively investigating. It also requires knowledge of police practices, ranks, vehicles, landmarks, and terminology outside of Rome, which requires more research than I'm willing to tackle for a few extra deaths.
Suggestions?
1,691 2019-03-14 00:09:32
Re: Too much internal monologue? - Writing Craft (4 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
Thanks, Vern.
1,692 2019-03-13 23:58:37
Re: Savior of the Damned (the Connor series) by Dirk B. (1,492 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
I like both of your versions. They're actually in the basement of the precinct building, ordered there by the "higher ups" to keep reporters and fellow detectives at bay. I like the idea of a reporter dogging the detectives at every turn, though. He could have his own secrets related to the case, maybe even sent there by the Antichrist.
Thanks
Dirk
1,693 2019-03-13 23:11:08
Re: Too much internal monologue? - Writing Craft (4 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
Can you post it, Kdot?
1,694 2019-03-13 22:29:06
Topic: Too much internal monologue? - Writing Craft (4 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
I'm currently writing a scene from the viewpoint of one of two detectives hunting for a serial killer. My current draft includes two pages at the beginning of the scene where the POV character mulls over the case, which has been ongoing for a week. I use this to fill in the blanks since the previous chapter where the murder was discovered and the investigation began. Is two pages of (mostly) internal monologue too much to open a scene? Below is an excerpt.
...
Campagna sat back in her chair and rifled through one of many folders from one of many evidence boxes. She had stopped counting after processing her twelfth box on day three. De Rosa sat at a desk facing hers, reviewing days’ worth of security footage from around the residences where the three clerics had lived. He had taken to celebrating completed videos by crumpling a sheet of paper into a ball and attempting a free throw into the trash by the door. He had yet to make a single shot.So far, neither she nor De Rosa had come up with any clues, and she was beginning to doubt the answer lay in endless stacks of paper.
She mulled over the case in her head. With the permission of the Church, the bodies of Cardinal Ferraro and Bishop Rivera had been exhumed and were, like Cardinal Vitale, in the process of being autopsied. The fact that the Church had allowed the bodies to be exhumed suggested they were worried about something.
She and De Rosa had canvassed nearby residences to see if anyone had seen or heard anything around the time of the clerics’ estimated times of death. Just standard procedure, they had told the neighbors to minimize the chance of anyone alerting the press. A few reporters were sniffing around nonetheless, asking the Vatican uncomfortable questions.
The forensic analysis of the carpet under Cardinal Vitale’s body found no footprints or usable DNA except those of the cardinal, Father Coppola, and the paramedics. Dusting for prints had proved equally unhelpful. Somehow, a murderer had entered Vitale’s apartment and hung the cardinal without leaving a shred of evidence that anyone else had been there. It would have required great strength to pull the cardinal up half a foot from the chair, then tie the rope to the chandelier. Although Father Coppola couldn’t be ruled out entirely as a suspect, he didn’t appear to have the strength to do that by himself. More than likely, there were two killers involved.
The buildings in question were supported by a variety of workers, including maintenance staff, maids, doormen, and concierges. No one claimed to have seen anything unusual, although the killers could have been among them. Or, someone could have waited for one of the doormen to leave his station, perhaps for a bathroom break, and sailed right through. There was also no known link between the staff at Vitale’s apartment building and those of the lodgings of Cardinal Ferraro and Bishop Rivera at Domus Sanctae Marthae inside the Vatican. The only connection so far was three dead clerics in one week.
I could also write the scene as they go about investigating rather than telling it from the detective's POV as she mulls it over in her head, although that could become dreary depending on how much detail I add. The other option is for the two detectives to discuss all of the above as they review the case together, replacing the internal monologue with dialogue and beats. The problem with that is the "review" might seem contrived.
Thoughts?
Thanks.
Dirk
1,695 2019-03-05 16:00:34
Re: What office suite do you use? - Writing Tools (11 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
Thanks!
1,696 2019-03-05 03:04:02
Re: What office suite do you use? - Writing Tools (11 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
I managed to verify with Microsoft support staff that you can reinstall your standalone copy of Office 2016/2019 on another machine if your old one dies. It just requires a call to Microsoft for them to update their activation database. I'll check out LibreOffice before I punish my credit card for Office 2019.
Bill, although Open Office is still supported, most of the open source community has moved to LibreOffice (same original codebase). Nevertheless, stick with what works. Which office suite do you use to create your finished book for Amazon, Kindle, etc.?
1,697 2019-03-05 00:56:39
Re: What office suite do you use? - Writing Tools (11 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
Vern, there is a version of Office 2019 (successor to 2016) that is a one-time purchase (about $170) as opposed to Office 365, which is the subscription. I'd gladly shell out $170 for a one-time purchase since I rarely upgrade (12 years on Office 2007 and counting), but as far as I've read, you can only reinstall it on the same machine, which doesn't work for me. I upgrade (dead) hardware more often than software.
1,698 2019-03-05 00:12:21
Re: What office suite do you use? - Writing Tools (11 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
Thanks, Bill. I would love to buy MS Office 2019 (or 2016), but from what I've read, they only work on the machine on which you install it. If your hard drive or computer die, you have to buy another copy. Do you know if that's correct?
1,699 2019-03-04 23:02:24
Topic: What office suite do you use? - Writing Tools (11 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
I'm considering upgrading from Office 2007 to something more current and am wondering what others use. I'd like to go with MS Office, but the various versions cost too much (either as a subscription or one time purchase). Google Docs is out because they don't have enough styles and their file compatibility with Microsoft Office was quite bad when I last tried it some years ago. OpenOffice and LibreOffice share the same original codebase, but LibreOffice apparently has more frequent, predictable releases. WPS looks great, but it's from the land of stolen intellectual property, so it's out too.
Suggestions?
Thanks
Dirk
1,700 2019-02-26 01:08:38
Re: Bookshelf publications have gone missing!! (35 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
you should remove everything after /ref= so that Amazon cannot track how users are arriving at your story (which may negatively impact your reviews)
Why would that negatively impact reviews? It's still a link to Amazon from a reputable site. They get their cut if someone buys.