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I was tempted to have Connor say, "Are you a demon or a vampire?" just before she bites him. It's actually combined with wolf-like growls.

I eliminated the shivering. As currently written, he closes his eyes, furrows his brow, and turns his head from side to side while the exorcist is praying. Half a page later, he throws holy water on the exorcist, who screams as his body dissolves to reveal that he's a demon in human form.

You live in Canada, too? :-)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WMxGVfk09lU

As Connor's powers grow, he will increasingly become the central character, except for the point of view, which has to remain Romano's. It's a little like the Gospels themselves. They were written from the point of view of four different men, but Jesus is the central character in each. If it wasn't for that, Romano could be written out of the scenes. What I need to do is give Romano more to do. FYI, the prologue is currently written from Connor's point of view, but that's a temporary placeholder. Once I write that scene in the main story, it too will be from Romano's point off view.

POV question. Since the following is from Father Romano's POV, Kdot rightly pointed out that the second sentence is a bit of a POV slip. I've since made it worse by adding "in concentration" to the first sentence.

Technically, it's possible Connor is smelling a fart and trying to figure out where it's coming from, but that's not likely. How big a deal is this? And what would fix it? If I take out the problem parts, I'm left with:

Doesn't really tell the reader enough until half a page later when Connor says he can sense many demons in the room. Or does it?

Suggestions?

Thanks
Dirk

Hmm. Those lines are three of most quotable from the Rites of Exorcism and allow me to build to the fourth (successful) line. The Exorcist used them repeatedly, so I cut my usage to just once. I read the original script this weekend, and there's only one other sentence of overlap, but it's not as important.

Kdot, I have a potential plothole I'm wondering about. When Connor is trying to drive out the demons, he says "God the Father commands you! God the Son commands you! God the Holy Spirit commands you!" That doesn't work. He eventually realizes that the right thing to say is "I command you!"

If Connor is Christ, which is what I'm hinting at, then the first three commands should have worked. It's one thing for those to fail to work when a priest says them, since some demons are too powerful, especially Legion, but when Christ issues those commands, they should have worked. In the New Testament, Jesus barely broke a sweat casting them out.

Thoughts?
Dirk

Stick with one book, Ray. The pick list of chapters shows reviewers which chapters they've reviewed and which ones they haven't. When you had your chapters in separate books, it required reviewers to remember which books they've read and which ones they haven't. Too unwieldy in a book with many chapters. As Randall mentioned, reviewers can see/access both newly published chapters in the pick list. Most reviewers know to check the pick list for earlier chapters that they may have missed.

I'll ask Connor to say a prayer for you.

Feel better.
Dirk

Question. I have a scene where Connor startles a mother superior, currently written as:

Is that the same as saying:

I don't know if the latter is a valid use of the verb.

Thanks
Dirk

Work is ongoing. This week I've been making suggested edits to my older scenes. Picked up a new reviewer with excellent ideas (Ray). Unfortunately, he finds the site toxic/useless, so he's leaving. For some reason I can't delete that obnoxious thread. The rules for Premium must be different than for our group.

I settled on keeping the longer prologue. I don't want to make the reader wade through 200 pages before getting their answer to how the scene ends.

Next week I start writing the exorcism!

How about the winner(s) get their main work spotlighted on the home page for a week? Could have a Contest Winners section up temporarily. Not too long since that would annoy Temple and Vern. Leave the cash in the bank to pay for ongoing enhancements.