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My current WIP is a supernatural thriller that revolves around the Catholic Church, and I'm writing it as a Catholic-friendly story. They are my primary target audience. I include some necessary violence (it's about the Apocalypse), very little cursing, and no sex to get the widest possible Catholic audience. A reasonable minimum age for reading this story is probably about fourteen, the same age as the central character.

All that being said, I do include a struggling gay priest, Father Romano, who's trying to live by the rules. For those not aware of it, Catholicism considers homosexual acts to be mortal sins that can lead to hell. Their view is that gays and lesbians are to be treated with the same respect due anyone else, provided they refrain from homosexual acts and relationships. In other words, hate the sin, love the sinner. Based on the Catholic forum I follow, I suspect many Catholics aren't even aware of that the Church draws a distinction.

I have an important scene between Romano and his former lover of ten years. The Church became aware of his relationship and he was forced to choose either the Church or the relationship. He ultimately chose the Church for a number of reasons, including for the sake of his own soul. Book one actually opens with a prayer by Romano asking God to strengthen his resolve, although I don't reveal until later what he was actually praying about.

Eventually, the distraught former lover shows up and tries to convince Romano to resume their relationship. The conversation goes badly and Romano tells him to leave and never come back. The lover then commits suicide, and Romano blames himself. He'll confess all this to a fellow priest and they'll discuss the impact that the suicide will have on the lover's family.

I'm concerned about the impact this scene could have on young closeted homosexuals. Even non-Catholics struggle with this when coming of age. I can only imagine how much harder it is for Catholic teenagers. Along comes my book and tells them that, as Catholics, they have to live a lonely existence (gay men aren't even allowed in seminary schools anymore due to the abuse scandals), and, if they can't handle that existence, one option is suicide.

Aside from discussing the impact of the suicide on the family, is there anything more that I can add that addresses this topic realistically (unfortunately, the suicides do happen) without leading anyone to think that suicide is a reasonable option?

Regrettably, in an unrelated but important scene, a Satanic being reminds a cardinal that the Church teaches that committing suicide out of fear of unbearable suffering does not preclude the victim from heaven.

Thoughts?

Thanks
Dirk

I have a question about how to write the usually involuntary reactions that POV characters have when surprised by something. It includes things like eyes going wide, eyebrows shooting up, eyes popping open, etc. Some writers have told me to write them like so: he widened his eyes, he raised his eyebrows, he opened his eyes. Others, though, recommend: his eyes went wide, his eyebrows shot up, his eyes popped open, etc. I tend to lean toward the latter approach since they are essentially involuntary reactions.

Thoughts?

Thanks.
Dirk

My current WIP is essentially two interwoven stories that connect at various points in time (over the course of about four weeks) and then finally merge at the climax. I average two scenes from each story per chapter, switching back and forth between them. Each chapter generally takes place over a period of 1-2 days. Time in between chapters can be arbitrarily long (e.g., a week). So far so good.

However, because of timing differences between the two stories, the first week of the murder investigation ends up taking place between chapters, where I skip forward a week. In scene 1.4, I introduce the detectives and they discover the body. In scene 2.2, I have to summarize what happened during the intervening week. I've tentatively chosen to have one of the detectives review the case in her head while the other detective is poring over security footage from around the murder site. It takes about two double-spaced pages to review the case in her head (1/3 of the scene).

How bad is it that I'm spending that much time in the detective's head with little else going on from the reader's perspective? I considered having them discuss the case to reveal these details, but I think that would seem forced/fake. They will eventually report their progress to their superiors, but that falls into a later scene. The best I can come up with is that the two detectives come up for air every few paragraphs to break things up a bit (e.g., Any luck with those videos? The warrants were approved. Don't forget to notify Interpol. Eek, a rat! Etc.).

Bottom line, I still need to spend about two pages in the detective's head reviewing (telling) the case. Does this seem reasonable?

Thanks
Dirk

I tried looking up an existing writer, Will H., but the search function says there is no match. He's in my list of connections and his account is still active. The problem exists on both Android phone and desktop PC.