1 Topic by Dirk B. (edited by Dirk B. 2019-07-07 22:45:00)

Topic: Two pages of telling? - Writing Craft

My current WIP is essentially two interwoven stories that connect at various points in time (over the course of about four weeks) and then finally merge at the climax. I average two scenes from each story per chapter, switching back and forth between them. Each chapter generally takes place over a period of 1-2 days. Time in between chapters can be arbitrarily long (e.g., a week). So far so good.

However, because of timing differences between the two stories, the first week of the murder investigation ends up taking place between chapters, where I skip forward a week. In scene 1.4, I introduce the detectives and they discover the body. In scene 2.2, I have to summarize what happened during the intervening week. I've tentatively chosen to have one of the detectives review the case in her head while the other detective is poring over security footage from around the murder site. It takes about two double-spaced pages to review the case in her head (1/3 of the scene).

How bad is it that I'm spending that much time in the detective's head with little else going on from the reader's perspective? I considered having them discuss the case to reveal these details, but I think that would seem forced/fake. They will eventually report their progress to their superiors, but that falls into a later scene. The best I can come up with is that the two detectives come up for air every few paragraphs to break things up a bit (e.g., Any luck with those videos? The warrants were approved. Don't forget to notify Interpol. Eek, a rat! Etc.).

Bottom line, I still need to spend about two pages in the detective's head reviewing (telling) the case. Does this seem reasonable?

Thanks
Dirk

Quote Post 1

2 Reply by Rachel Parsons (edited by Rachel Parsons 2019-07-03 15:49:31)

Re: Two pages of telling? - Writing Craft

The way this kind of thing is usually done is to make it fresh by the different POV. One thing you can do is instead of telling, is introduce a 'showing' via the detective's head.  Think of it this way. I am currently watching Lucas Cage on Netflix. At one point, he's buried in rubble and is thinking about how he got there. We flashback to his time in prison. The story then unfolds.

So you can have your detective thinking, "This would only make sense if someone could turn water into wine." Stella visualized how this could have happened...next scene, the showing of how the crime unfolded (from the detective's POV. Might not be how it really happened.)  Make sense?

Quote Post 2

Re: Two pages of telling? - Writing Craft

I've actually already shown how the crime happened. Scene 1.2 was dedicated to the actual killing (the dead cardinal was buried alive under the direction of a demonic being). The stuff that Inspector Campagna has to think about are all the mundane steps that go with investigating a murder. All the interviews, identifying possible suspects, applying for warrants to monitor phone calls and bank transactions, collecting the security footage from the neighborhood, notifying Interpol, etc. I primarily need to inform the reader that it's been done. Normally you would brief a supervisor of this stuff, allowing the writer to turn it all into dialogue, but the detectives don't report to their supervisors until scene 2.4. It's a highly sensitive investigation, so the detectives report directly to the head of the Italian police and the Vatican secretary of state. They won't report all of these mundane details, just the really important stuff.

Quote Post 3

Re: Two pages of telling? - Writing Craft

I'm going to throw a chief inspector into the mix to give Campagna someone to make a detailed report to. The chief inspector was already involved indirectly to approve Campagna's manpower request to search a huge cemetery for additional victims beyond the first two. That should solve the problem.

Rachel, thanks for your suggestions.

Dirk

Quote Post 4