Jesus. Are there really that much repeats of 'dark figure' in the post? I'm usually very keen on avoiding repeats...
Ray
It takes real skill to produce crap like that and not notice.
No, that's not what I meant, John. I'm objecting to having use words like: as if, apparently, obviously, most likely, etc. to avoid a pov slip when common sense says the pov character is making a reasonable assumption based on the information he has available. I follow the herd, but I do so unwillingly. I'm tempted to start breaking that rule in my next draft.
Also, Herbert made a point of Alia telling Paul that the Baron felt very little pain as he died. Personally, given everything the Baron did to Paul and House Atreides, I'd pick the nastiest poison in the arsenal.
I find this definition interesting. It's from literarydevices.net. Bold emphasis is mine.
A subjective point of view is something based on one’s opinions, perspectives, beliefs, discoveries, desires, and feelings. It has no concern with right or wrong, other than the person’s opinion of what is right and wrong. ... Third person point of view can also be subjective. It is known as “limited omniscience,” in which a writer knows every detail about a character and sees the whole story through that character’s eyes.
This brings to mind an earlier post of mine about an exorcism scene, where my POV character, Father Romano, watched Connor close his eyes and slowly turn his head from side to side, as if sensing something Romano could not. It's the as if (and similar wording) that always annoys me. Without it, I'm told it's a point-of-view slip since Romano can't know with absolute certainty why Connor is turning his head.
My point was/is that Romano has enough information about Connor and the scene to make an accurate guess. It's Romano's subjective POV, and he's entitled to his assumption, right or wrong. If it turns out to be right (it is), then there's no need for as if and the story continues unimpeded. If it turns out to be wrong, that would come out later in the scene anyway (e.g., "Oh, you thought you smelled a fart? I misunderstood."). as if adds nothing unless there's a need to foreshadow that the assumption could be wrong.
I find it interesting/unusual that Frank Herbert chose to end Dune with Jessica's views of being a concubine ("history will call us wives"), rather than focusing on Paul.
Turns out I already own Paul of Dune, which is the younger Herbert's immediate sequel to Dune. Do I read it next or jump to Dune Messiah as Frank Herbert intended?
Is this too silly? I'm trying for Rutger Hauer in the original Bladerunner. He frequently smiled playfully even though he was a merciless killer.
Vitale’s eyes went wide and he struggled to stand. “Who … who are you?”
The dark figure smiled playfully, the outline of his lips barely visible. “Mother Teresa.”
Vitale frowned and waited.
The dark figure shrugged. “Nobody gets me. So be it. Here’s a hint from Scripture: ‘And I saw a beast rising out of the sea, having ten horns and seven heads; and on its horns were ten diadems, and on its heads were blasphemous names.’”
Vitale crossed himself. “Antichristus!”
The Antichrist chuckled demonically. “Much better.”
Problem eliminated. I decided to have the dark figure reveal himself as the Antichrist right after he arrives. From then on Vitale only thinks of him as the Antichrist. I also added that Vitale thinks he knows him from somewhere, but can't figure out where because the Antichrist is hiding in shadows with fake eyes and a fake voice.
Your not alone. My story is set in the present in Rome, the Vatican, and the Holy Land. I have only limited information in English about how those regions are handling the pandemic. It would require significant changes to incorporate the pandemic. Since it's still very early in the pandemic saga, I've decided to write my first draft without it. There'll definitely be a second draft, so I'll make my decision then. If I had to choose now, with so little information available, I would turn back the clock far enough that book one would precede the pandemic. Since mine is about the Apocalypse, I can easily incorporate it into books two and three as one of the many plagues that will affect humanity in the End Times.
v7
I wore myself out trying to figure out how best to solve the repetitive references to dark figure. Finally decided to just delete roughly half the references to dark. Lots of references to figure, but I don't know of a better solution. His identity as the Antichrist comes too late in the chapter to play a useful role. I briefly considered referring to him as that thing (it's from the cardinal's POV), but I wanted to keep things consistent with the rest of the chapters. This is the only chapter where the overuse of dark figure/figure occurs. The story is transitioning so everyone will think of him as the Antichrist by the end of Act 1.
I agree r.e. the many references to 'dark figure'. In one of my previous versions, the dark figure claimed he was the Antichrist right from the beginning of the chapter, so all of the references to dark figure were replaced with the Antichrist. It read much better. Unfortunately, the dark figure is not the Antichrist and his true identity won't be revealed until the end. As a result, if the dark figure goes around claiming to be the Antichrist when only his victims are listening, it will come across as a cheat later when he's revealed to be someone else. Why claim to be someone you're not if the only purpose is to trick the reader? The closest I could come to justifying his lies is that he likes theater and he doesn't want to be caught off guard. Even Vitale is skeptical in the latest version of this chapter. I'll take another look at him calling himself the Antichrist, but I think it's a stretch. I need the reader to know that his claims of being the Antichrist may not be true to avoid cheating at the end.
FYI, Connor is not the dark figure. That will be ruled out in my next chapter. The dark figure is 185 cm and Connor is 175 cm. I set that up in earlier chapters, but the Pope's Council will discuss it as they try to figure out who Connor really is.
Thank you, Rachel. I'll try a few different approaches to see which I like best.
I thougth of a way to do it. The cardinal thinks he recognizes the hooded being, but he's not sure from where. He never gets a chance to see him without his hood.
Thank you, all, for your feedback.
Dirk
I have a POV character (a cardinal) who has come face-to-face with a cloaked/hooded demonic being. Eventually, the cardinal grabs the being's hood and throws it back. The cardinal recognizes the being and says, "It's you!"
I want to add more material after this moment, but I'm wondering if it's reasonable for the POV character not to think about the real identity of the demonic being as the rest of the chapter unfolds. I'm trying to keep the true identity of the being from the reader at this stage of the story.
Thoughts?
Thanks
Dirk
I'm debating changing an element of the dark figure to change his face and body, currently shrouded in shadows where none should exist, to a long dark hooded robe. His face could then be half hidden under the hood of the robe. It has the advantage that the figure becomes more human. It helps explain why the detectives are looking among humans for the identity of this figure. At least one of my readers raised this as a point of confusion. I had always envisioned the dark figure as having a dual identity, like Peter Parker and Spiderman. The dark figure appears as a regular person whenever he wants. The hooded cloak would remove any need to explain the supernatural shadows. He'd still have red eyes when he wants and can reek of burned out ruins. He also can still project a deep rumbling voice. All of those are just to intimidate potential victims.
Frank Herbert spent a lot of time describing the indescribable. Lots of showing of rocks and desert. Can't picture most of it.
I find it interesting that Duke Leto ordered a suicide raid by some of his men against the Baron's spice stores. While it proves his men were willing to die for him, it doesn't match the supposedly noble nature of the Duke.
From an Amazon.com review: "I won't even try to catalog the overwhelming number of defects that we are subjected to by the sadly unimaginative semi-literate steaming turd that is Hunters of Dune."
Makes me worry about what people will say about my books.
I googled Hunters of Dune, then went to Amazon.com to see the reviews. The site listed that book for me on its main page. Scary.
Solved my problem of the two interrogation chapters seeming too much alike. Father Coppola has a heart attack and drops dead when they go to arrest him. I was done with him anyway.
I'm going to have to buy the Kindle versions of Frank Herbert's sequels since I left the printed copies behind in the US. I read the Wikipedia entries for the two books that close out the series. Those were based on Herbert's notes. I didn't care for the plot summaries. Way too complicated to follow. I'll probably get around to them eventually. I read them years ago and vaguely recall not liking them much. I read a few of the prequel novels over the years but it got it of control. Talk about milking a franchise to death.
You don't like the first book? It and God Emperor were my favorites, even though both are hard to understand at times. I always wondered how similar Frank Herbert's end to the series would have been had he lived long enough. His son's finale was based on notes from his father. I didn't care for it.
I finally started writing new material again: the interrogation of Father Copolla, accused by the gravedigger of being the dark figure/Antichrist. I also resumed reading Dune. I'd forgotten that Paul and his mother were both Atreides *and* Harkonnens. I remember Paul's line from the David Lynch film: We will kill until no Harkonnen breathes Arakeen air.
Ray, check out an organization called Charity Care. It may be available in your state to help with hospital costs. Also, talk to the social worker at your hospital as to what your options are.
Dirk
