The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B. (Page 28 of 57)

I was wondering if I can get a few opinions on how to handle repetitive story elements such as bowing one's head to a cardinal or speaking the Trinitarian fornula (In nominee patris, et filii, et spiritus sancti. Amen.) every time one crosses oneself.

One example is my exorcism chapter. As written, Father Romano, Connor, and Father Luca don't explicitly bow their heads to Cardinal Nnamani when they approach him at the hospital. I left it as implied since both Romano and Connor have previously bowed their heads in his presence back at the orphanage and would do so again. However, as they enter the hospital room together, everyone inside (all new characters) rises and bows their heads. Since it's all one scene, it should probably be consistent for everyone, and I'm inclined to do it throughout the book (there aren't that many occurrences).

The other one is more tricky. It would grow very tiresome if I had someone explicitly verbalize the Trinitarian formula every time they cross themselves. It would be equally repetitive if I explicitly noted every time someone crosses themselves, including at the beginning and end of every prayer. I have yet to find a good way to communicate to the reader that when someone prays, many (not all) cross themselves before and after the prayer, and when they cross themselves, they often (not always) speak the formula, and some, like Connor, speak the formula in Latin.

In one of Seabrass's stories, he frequently notes the bells of the clock tower, even down to a quarter hour. I thought it was a little overdone (sorry, Charles), but I'm sure he had his reasons for his POV character noting the time. Also, his main character, Lake-Ellen, carries a wooden staff for defense, and he was pretty consistent in noting when she put it down or picked it up.

Thoughts?

Thanks
Dirk

Yes, that's the intent, but without hitting the reader over the head with it. I think even Catholic readers would get bored if I stop to show it every time it happens.

For the crossing/formula, my preference would be to show it a few times up front, then phase it out, then bring it back from time to time when I want to emphasize it. The feedback I got in chapter one when I tried to have Connor do it exactly as he should was to show it once (i.e., before the first prayer), then make it go away as fast as possible (that readers would just get it). The feedback I got when I tried to have Romano note to himself that that's how Connor always does it was even more negative, although that's probably ideal, but I have yet to come up with acceptable wording. I'll throw up an example tomorrow.

A more generic example would be saluting in a military story. If someone salutes their commander two or three times, would you assume they always do so even when not explicitly noted, or would you conclude the subordinate (or the author) forgot to do it. That's even more problematic if the person later salutes after getting chewed out for something unrelated.

Lake-Ellen returns? Cool. I better pick up my pace in Terrorcruise so I'm ready for her next sojourn. Thank you for your feedback.

Nuts. My scene about the orphans visiting St. Peter's Basilica is falling apart. The basilica and a Papal Mass are much more complicated than I had expected. Also, the city of Rome surrounding the basilica doesn't have the features I was hoping for. I was hoping to find an overpass nearby for Connor's next miracle. Failing that, a bridge over the Tiber River. They have the latter, but it's a hike to get there. A bit much for the younger orphans who are supposed to be in this scene. Also, there's no good excuse for going there. There's a castle there, but I don't want to dedicate page space for the boys to tour it.

Can someone please tell me which of the following is correct/preferable?

Thanks.
Dirk

Just trying to add a little description.

Thanks
Dirk

Go, go, go, Dirk! Let's see it.    :o)

You should go there

Question: should Connor show fear? It's come up a few times already, when he's faced with danger, and his reaction to date has been to pray without so much as a tremor in his voice. His faith keeps him calm when others panic, but he's less human as a result. A prime example is the prologue, where he's trying to keep demonic locusts with scorpion-like stingers at bay. The group is terrified, but he prays fearlessly. Even when his voice grows hoarse and he can't maintain the shield any longer, he simply says it's in God's hands now. Kind of makes him seem invincible, which is not necessarily the best trait for someone under constant attack.

Thoughts?
Dirk

It wasn't so much fear of death, but fear of suffering. He knew he would rise in three days. Scourging was so vicious, it could be fatal, even before they got you up on the cross.

I found the ultimate resource for St. Peter's Basilica: http://stpetersbasilica.info. Full of pictures and endless info, and everything is hyperlinked. Could have saved myself over a week of research if I'd found it first. Unfortunately, it's taken two pages just to get inside Vatican City and describe the square. I'll probably have to trim the history behind the obelisk. The opening does include a brief glimpse of the Pope, though. Tentatively, I have eight stops inside the church, including Michaelangelo's Pieta and Pope John Paul II's tomb. The Sistine Chapel needs two pages. And Connor's next miracle also needs two. I want to keep the whole thing at eight pages or less. There definitely won't be room for the Vatican Museums.

Dirk, I don't mean to be a dick about it, but how 'bout some reciprocatin' (and I don't mean as a part of a saw)? We're all here to produce the best possible, and we can all use a little help.

By the way, I sneaked a quick peek, and I have to say I disagree with you on the subject of Jesus' founding of the Christian church. Instead, I'd say it was based *upon* his teachings, and the leadership began with the apostles.

Ray