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Yup. My thanks to all for an interesting discussion.

I fixed it by having the dark figure identify himself as the Antichrist, which I didn't do until yesterday. I went back and forth about whether to do that so early in the story, but it's no secret that the Church will come to believe they and Connor are being stalked by him (it's in the book summary). I figure get him in there right from the get-go.

Law & Order always throws out false leads. Ditto for Agatha Christie and Hercule Poirot. In your examples with Mary, the reader is owed an explanation at some point as to why the detective thought she was guilty. If Mary is completely innocent, I might word it differently, so the reader knows there is some doubt. I did that with the interrogation of Father Coppola. They discussed several times in the early chapters about needing more evidence. Even after they arrest him and he drops dead from a heart attack, Inspector Campagna is wondering if they just killed an innocent man.

My argument has more to do with the little assumptions one can sensibly make based on the POV character's knowledge. Romano knows Connor has special powers, and he's at the exorcism because he may have some insight into why they can't cast out the demons of the possessed woman. When he closes his eyes and turns his head from side to side, it's prefectly reasonable for Romano to assume Connor is sensing something related to the exorcism in progress. There's no reason for the as if. If Romano's assumption is wrong, it will have to be explained and maybe even foreshadowed.

By including as if and similar words whenever there is a reasonable assumption being made, it flags every one of them with an implied: Watch out! This may be wrong! As CJ noted, an author's attempt to make the MC completely objective when the story doesn't require it pulls me out of the story. The deeper the POV of the MC, the more those moments stand out when they shouldn't.

No, that's not what I meant, John. I'm objecting to having use words like: as if, apparently, obviously, most likely, etc. to avoid a pov slip when common sense says the pov character is making a reasonable assumption based on the information he has available. I follow the herd, but I do so unwillingly. I'm tempted to start breaking that rule in my next draft.

Turns out I already own Paul of Dune, which is the younger Herbert's immediate sequel to Dune. Do I read it next or jump to Dune Messiah as Frank Herbert intended?

Problem eliminated. I decided to have the dark figure reveal himself as the Antichrist right after he arrives. From then on Vitale only thinks of him as the Antichrist. I also added that Vitale thinks he knows him from somewhere, but can't figure out where because the Antichrist is hiding in shadows with fake eyes and a fake voice.

v7

I agree r.e. the many references to 'dark figure'. In one of my previous versions, the dark figure claimed he was the Antichrist right from the beginning of the chapter, so all of the references to dark figure were replaced with the Antichrist. It read much better. Unfortunately, the dark figure is not the Antichrist and his true identity won't be revealed until the end. As a result, if the dark figure goes around claiming to be the Antichrist when only his victims are listening, it will come across as a cheat later when he's revealed to be someone else. Why claim to be someone you're not if the only purpose is to trick the reader? The closest I could come to justifying his lies is that he likes theater and he doesn't want to be caught off guard. Even Vitale is skeptical in the latest version of this chapter. I'll take another look at him calling himself the Antichrist, but I think it's a stretch. I need the reader to know that his claims of being the Antichrist may not be true to avoid cheating at the end.

FYI, Connor is not the dark figure. That will be ruled out in my next chapter. The dark figure is 185 cm and Connor is 175 cm. I set that up in earlier chapters, but the Pope's Council will discuss it as they try to figure out who Connor really is.

I thougth of a way to do it. The cardinal thinks he recognizes the hooded being, but he's not sure from where. He never gets a chance to see him without his hood.

Thank you, all, for your feedback.
Dirk

I'm debating changing an element of the dark figure to change his face and body, currently shrouded in shadows where none should exist, to a long dark hooded robe. His face could then be half hidden under the hood of the robe. It has the advantage that the figure becomes more human. It helps explain why the detectives are looking among humans for the identity of this figure. At least one of my readers raised this as a point of confusion. I had always envisioned the dark figure as having a dual identity, like Peter Parker and Spiderman. The dark figure appears as a regular person whenever he wants. The hooded cloak would remove any need to explain the supernatural shadows. He'd still have red eyes when he wants and can reek of burned out ruins. He also can still project a deep rumbling voice. All of those are just to intimidate potential victims.