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Problem eliminated. I decided to have the dark figure reveal himself as the Antichrist right after he arrives. From then on Vitale only thinks of him as the Antichrist. I also added that Vitale thinks he knows him from somewhere, but can't figure out where because the Antichrist is hiding in shadows with fake eyes and a fake voice.

v7

I agree r.e. the many references to 'dark figure'. In one of my previous versions, the dark figure claimed he was the Antichrist right from the beginning of the chapter, so all of the references to dark figure were replaced with the Antichrist. It read much better. Unfortunately, the dark figure is not the Antichrist and his true identity won't be revealed until the end. As a result, if the dark figure goes around claiming to be the Antichrist when only his victims are listening, it will come across as a cheat later when he's revealed to be someone else. Why claim to be someone you're not if the only purpose is to trick the reader? The closest I could come to justifying his lies is that he likes theater and he doesn't want to be caught off guard. Even Vitale is skeptical in the latest version of this chapter. I'll take another look at him calling himself the Antichrist, but I think it's a stretch. I need the reader to know that his claims of being the Antichrist may not be true to avoid cheating at the end.

FYI, Connor is not the dark figure. That will be ruled out in my next chapter. The dark figure is 185 cm and Connor is 175 cm. I set that up in earlier chapters, but the Pope's Council will discuss it as they try to figure out who Connor really is.

I thougth of a way to do it. The cardinal thinks he recognizes the hooded being, but he's not sure from where. He never gets a chance to see him without his hood.

Thank you, all, for your feedback.
Dirk

I'm debating changing an element of the dark figure to change his face and body, currently shrouded in shadows where none should exist, to a long dark hooded robe. His face could then be half hidden under the hood of the robe. It has the advantage that the figure becomes more human. It helps explain why the detectives are looking among humans for the identity of this figure. At least one of my readers raised this as a point of confusion. I had always envisioned the dark figure as having a dual identity, like Peter Parker and Spiderman. The dark figure appears as a regular person whenever he wants. The hooded cloak would remove any need to explain the supernatural shadows. He'd still have red eyes when he wants and can reek of burned out ruins. He also can still project a deep rumbling voice. All of those are just to intimidate potential victims.

I find it interesting that Duke Leto ordered a suicide raid by some of his men against the Baron's spice stores. While it proves his men were willing to die for him, it doesn't match the supposedly noble nature of the Duke.

I googled Hunters of Dune, then went to Amazon.com to see the reviews. The site listed that book for me on its main page. Scary.

I'm going to have to buy the Kindle versions of Frank Herbert's sequels since I left the printed copies behind in the US. I read the Wikipedia entries for the two books that close out the series. Those were based on Herbert's notes. I didn't care for the plot summaries. Way too complicated to follow. I'll probably get around to them eventually. I read them years ago and vaguely recall not liking them much. I read a few of the prequel novels over the years but it got it of control. Talk about milking a franchise to death.

I finally started writing new material again: the interrogation of Father Copolla, accused by the gravedigger of being the dark figure/Antichrist. I also resumed reading Dune. I'd forgotten that Paul and his mother were both Atreides *and* Harkonnens. I remember Paul's line from the David Lynch film: We will kill until no Harkonnen breathes Arakeen air.

Sorry about your book, Bill. It makes me wonder how many books are pirated in general, especially of self-published ones where the author has little or no recourse due to the cost of lawsuits.

Bit of a plot hole in three of my scenes that I'd like to address, although I'm not sure how. Scene 1.1 (the healing of Alessandro's epilepsy) has Alessandro clearly know what happened during the seizure, although epileptics normally don't remember anything. In scene 1.3 he discusses it with Connor at breakfast as having felt the Holy Spirit bathe him in healing energy. Scene 2.1 has Connor kiss Cardinal Nnamani's ring on the cardinal's paralyzed arm, which leads to tingling in the fingers by the end of the scene and a full recovery within a day.

Question is, how come Alessandro felt himself being healed even while unconscious, while Nnamani felt no such rush through his body? The best answer I can come up with is that Connor was pouring healing energy directly into Alessandro's brain (he was holding Alessandro's head at the time), whereas he only held the cardinal's arm and kissed his ring. Seems like an asspull, though, since the entire right side of the cardinal's body is healed within 24 hours, which in theory ought to include his brain. Another possible answer is that the cardinal didn't feel it right away because his right side is paralyzed, including damage to the relevant part of his brain. Both options seem lame.

Or, I can just say screw it and ignore the problem. No reviewers have brought it up, although that could be because they're reading my scenes weeks apart and it doesn't stand out.

Thoughts?
Dirk

That brings my previous novel to mind, John, because it was crap. I only admit this to see how long we can keep a thread about white space going.