Easy peasy. He already knows it's stigmata brought on by exposure to evil deeds. He's been living with it for a long time. His colleagues, including Campana, know too. Needs a few minor tweaks to chapter four (where we first meet him). From then on, it flares whenever he confronts murders, including that of Alessandro. This fits perfectly into the overall story. Much better than a medical condition that doesn't really exist. I still need a reason to show the reader the cross around his neck, though, which plays a role later. Burning or bleeding at the neck would give me the excuse I need for him to open his shirt.
876 2021-01-25 04:16:56
Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B. (1,415 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
877 2021-01-25 03:01:00
Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B. (1,415 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
There won't be a miracle healing. It's not an illness. God works in mysterious ways. :-)
878 2021-01-25 01:36:02
Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B. (1,415 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
I'm trying to improve on Inspector De Rosa's idiopathic acute systemic inflammation. Originally, he was coughing all the time, which was too annoying. Now he almost never has a flareup, which is too little. It's actually important later in the story, so I'm thinking of making it psychologically/supernaturally induced, with flareups/stigmata whenever he's confronted with grave sin, including the crucifixions of the cardinals. I could have another flareup when Connor and Alessandro are struck by lightning. If I go with stigmata, he'd have to wrap his wrists a lot to hide it/keep from bleeding over everything. The neck wound could be in the shape of the cross to match the one he always wears. The bloody cough would remain unchanged, and I'd add a raw throat. He's going to need a lot of handkerchiefs and uniform shirts. :-)
In real life, a condition called hematohidrosis is thought to be a possible cause of stigmata. Basically, people sweat blood in response to intense emotions. The Bible mentions that Jesus's sweat was like blood while praying in Gethsemane before his arrest. Another possible cause is malignant malaria, which causes bleeding from the hands and feet. St. Francis of Assisi is thought to have suffered from that.
EDIT: Another alternative is to go with full stigmata (hands/wrists, feet, side, and forehead) and get rid of the bleeding neck. I'd keep the bloody cough, though, as I want him to suffer, not just bleed externally.
879 2021-01-21 03:04:31
Re: that vs which - weird case? (4 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
Why would a dicey opportunity stab the man? :-)
Point taken.
Thanks
880 2021-01-21 02:26:12
Re: that vs which - weird case? (4 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
Yes, those rules are discussed on most grammar sites. However, in the examples I gave, I can't tell if the two examples are equivalent of not. As I noted above, example two is correct and what I intend as the meaning. What then is example one saying, if not the same thing?
881 2021-01-20 23:50:37
Topic: that vs which - weird case? (4 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
I came across an interesting case of that vs. which, and I can't tell which is best to use.
He didn’t dare wait for an opportunity that might never come to stab the man.
He didn’t dare wait for an opportunity, which might never come, to stab the man.
I know the second example is correct, but I'm not sure if the first one is. Or are both correct?
Thanks
Dirk
882 2021-01-17 14:31:16
Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B. (1,415 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
It's doable but a royal pain. Probably a day of research, and I won't really know if I got the layout right since I usually have just photos to work with. Also, I took advantage of the outside of Saint Lawrence's Basilica during the shootout with the first demon (eg there really is a small grove of trees for Campana to hide behind).
883 2021-01-17 06:04:15
Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B. (1,415 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Nuts. My first murder victim's titular church (next to the cemetery) isn't actually a titular church. I didn't think until yesterday to research if there was a specific list of such churches vs my previous assumption that any church could be one if it was assigned a cardinal. Somewhat surprising that the church I chose isn't one given how big it is. I doubt I'm going to fix it, though. It's too difficult to accurately determine interior and exterior layouts of big churches based solely on internet photos.
884 2021-01-16 17:21:59
Re: Editing and feedback (2 replies, posted in Writing Tips & Site Help)
Hi Maureen. Welcome to the site. I try to perform minor edits as they come in. That way, reviewers see an increasingly polished chapter or short story and don't all give me the same feedback. It allows them to focus on other things besides the most obvious errors. Also, if everyone gave me the same feedback, I would later have to wade through them all, identifying the important suggestions from the duplicates. Admittedly, sometimes the reviews come at me so fast, I don't have time to keep up, although that's rare.
Some suggestions require more substantial reworking of a story, so those I may leave until a future draft. Admittedly, I spend more time than many trying to keep up, which slows down my writing pace, which is glacial at best.
I'm case you're not aware, you can "edit" chapters that you've already posted, which doesn't cost extra points, or you can "publish" newer versions of the same chapter/story by incrementing the version number and posting it using points. I use editing when I just want to update an existing chapter with minor changes, and I republish when the changes are substantial and I want my regular reviewers to rereview it. By republishing, it appears on everyone's home page once more, and they receive points for looking at it again. Simply editing it doesn't put it back on the home page and doesn't pay points if someone were to review it more than once.
Clear as mud? Hope that helps. FYI, this forum is largely unused, so feel free to post all your questions to Premium, where you'll get the most replies.
Dirk
885 2021-01-14 23:23:28
Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B. (1,415 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
There are people on YouTube who filmed themselves watching that episode. It was funny. First a buzz when they see the X-Wing. Then excitement builds as they see the hooded figure with a lightsaber on a black & white screen. "Don't toy with me...," one says. Then joy when they see it's green (Luke's lightsaber in ROTJ). Finally ecstasy when he wades into the corridor full of killer droids. What's silly is that I took time out of my life to watch their reactions. I don't actually have Disney+. No interest.
886 2021-01-14 06:27:47
Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B. (1,415 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
This is too cool not to share. It's from the latest season finale of The Mandalorian. Someone recut the final battle and set it to an epic version of The Force theme. Too bad The Rise of Skywalker didn't end with this kind of a bang.
https://youtu.be/5NmKRVTP-3E
887 2021-01-12 04:27:38
Re: Project R (23 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Sara Selg is the name of one of my reviewers.
888 2021-01-11 01:42:58
Re: Responding to reviews (1 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
Open the review, click on the x-line tab near the top, click on each inline comment (on the highlighted text) that you want to reply to individually, then scroll to the bottom and leave an overall reply, then submit. You don't need to reply to inline comments, but it can help the reviewer understand your rationale for something they highlighted.
889 2021-01-06 04:28:20
Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B. (1,415 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Changed 370 years to 220 years. I would have gone for less, but the AC needs time to secretly recruit and place 10,000 followers in the Church globally, including allowing for turnover in the ranks. I hope I'm done with this s--t now. I'm sick of act one. Time to screw up act two.
890 2021-01-06 02:15:17
Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B. (1,415 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Down under.
891 2021-01-06 01:11:07
Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B. (1,415 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Decided to switch to caps for Earth, Heaven, and Hell. Quickly ran into all of the usual consistency crap from my last book. Good thing there's an undo feature in Word.
892 2021-01-03 18:37:41
Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B. (1,415 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
The purged guys are kicked out of the Church. Since the Church doesn't want a public brawl with the AC, the purge comes in the form of retirement (with a pension!). If it wasn't for holy water, the AC could place demons into the Church, who might be more careful, but they're humanoid, with cadaver DNA, and have human weaknesses, so no help there. I'll add that to the discussion somewhere.
The AC is trying to place his followers into many important positions around the world to lead Catholics away from God before the Final Judgement. Influencing the Pope (through his Council of Cardinal Advisers) about those positions is a key part, but even they are mostly old men. As for the task force, his best bet is to infiltrate that too. I was thinking of using an annoying systems analyst in the task force and making him the infiltrator, but I punted that character, at least for now.
The AC himself is half human, so he can't switch bodies (my rule). As a result, if he became Pope, there's no way to hide an impossibly long lifespan. However, a youngish Pope (say in his sixties) isn't out of the question, and he could rule for at least forty or fifty years before becoming truly suspect. In fact, long life might be viewed as a sign of the Pope having found favor with God.
By the way, there's some big-ass satanic subterfuge going on about all of this, which won't be revealed until the end of the first book.
893 2021-01-03 05:39:55
Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B. (1,415 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
I originally chose 370 back when I was still crucifying cardinals every 5-10 years. The A-C had to move slowly, otherwise the Church would have been forced to mount an aggressive defense, which would have spilled into the open. When I switched the A-C's approach to infiltrating at multiple levels, I simply kept 370 as a placeholder until I figured out if it needed adjusting. It does.
Things to consider, though. The Church regularly purges certain offices (just to be unpredictable and to clean house). All the key positions are given to cardinals, who are usually old men with a very limited remaining lifespan. That prevents anyone staying in place too long. The estimated number of infiltrators is 10K. There are 5600 bishops in the world. If the A-C wants a near-perpetual lock on the key dioceses, he has to have obvious replacements in line for those dioceses. He also has to have control of key Vatican dicasteries (departments), plus a few in line to succeed those who head those dicasteries. So, 10K stretches the A-C kinda thin, especially when you consider that a decent number of his followers will be discovered because they blow their covers with bad behavior.
Related to all this is the fact that the A-C has to have his followers at or near their target positions when he takes control of the Church. There's only so long he can stay in power before people realize he's not purely human due to the fact that he doesn't die of old age. He's also racing to beat the clock, because when Jesus returns, times up. If Satan's challenge succeeds, Jesus will be destroyed upon his return and the Church will crumble thanks to the A-C and his followers.
There are actually three members of the Unholy Trinity, one of whom is the False Prophet. In the early Church, it was generally believed that the A-C was a secular ruler (e.g., Emperor Nero) and the False Prophet was a holy man. That made the latter more suited to seizing the Church. However, protestants confused all that by equating the Catholic Pope with the A-C. In modern times, there is no global position of secular power at risk of being seized by the A-C. He would need to engineer control of the US, Russia, and China in order to have a real shot at world domination. So, when choosing which interpretation of Revelation to go with (there are many), I decided the A-C will go after the Church. The False Prophet plays a lesser role, and I punted him to book two. He's a key character in book one, but remains under deep cover, working mischief.
Off to bed.
894 2021-01-03 03:22:24
Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B. (1,415 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
I had considered having the Church consult a well-known mathematician from that era. My preference would have been Isaac Newton, but he wasn't Catholic and he was still a boy. Instead, I'm thinking of changing sharp-eyed to statistically inclined. I'm also still considering changing the date that this all started since 370 years seems very long to topple the Church from within.
895 2021-01-03 02:31:57
Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B. (1,415 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Fixed the problem caused by the low life expectancy in the 1600s. Instead of comparing priest life expectancy to those of the average male, the sharp-eyed monk compares them to the average *adult* male. A one-word fix. That weeds out the deaths of minors, which greatly skews the average.
896 2020-12-31 07:11:21
Re: The Gathering Darkness (the Connor series) - Dirk B. (1,415 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)
Sadly, Dawn Wells (Mary Ann from Gilligan's Island) passed away from complications due to Covid. And it wiped her out financially. Someone started a GoFundMe page for her that quickly raised about $175K.
897 2020-12-19 03:46:50
Re: Point of order, Mr. Chairman (9 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
I think it depends on the character. A snooty grammarian or a very formal character might talk without passive voice, just to make them sound different, whereas a country hick probably wouldn't give a damn.
898 2020-12-08 21:14:39
Re: Too many exclamation marks? (7 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
Thank you, all. Very helpful.
899 2020-12-07 21:58:55
Re: Too many exclamation marks? (7 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
I'm not sure how. The stabbing, the shooting, the confrontation with the other guards, the demonic dagger & holy water, Connor's failed prayer, etc. are all natural elements of the scene based on what occurred earlier in the story. This is the end of act 1 and intentionally very tense, so this is a place for show over tell.
900 2020-12-07 20:45:40
Topic: Too many exclamation marks? (7 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)
I've read more than once not to overuse exclamation marks. Below is a tense scene that uses eleven, which I normally wouldn't do. Is it too many? Where would you cut some? Connor is just a teenager, which adds to the tension.
A Swiss Guard approached the group. “I have a message for Connor.”
“I’m Connor.”
The guard’s irises turned fiery red, and he rammed a dagger into Connor’s gut. The guard withdrew the blade and prepared to strike again.
Romano and De Rosa jumped the guard as Campagna drew her weapon.
Connor cried out and fell. He covered his wound with his hands, but blood flowed around them.
The guard howled and threw off both men like rag dolls.
Her shot clear, Campagna opened fire. The guard fought to reach her, but she kept firing, slowing his approach. As she emptied her magazine, he collapsed and a ghostly apparition rose from his body. It roared at Connor, then fled. The demon body dissolved.
De Rosa shed his jacket and tore off his shirt. He used it to apply pressure to Connor’s wound.
Other Swiss Guards came running, guns drawn.
Campagna ejected her empty magazine and replaced it with another. She held her pistol ready. “Stay back!”
“Put your gun down! Now!” one of the guards commanded her.
“Stand down!” De Rosa cried. “She’s Polizia di Stato.”
Campagna and the guards lowered their weapons together. One of them radioed for an ambulance.
The cardinals exited the conference room warily.
Romano and Campagna knelt beside Connor.
“He’s bleeding out!” De Rosa said. “Connor, can you stem the flow?”
He crossed himself and began to pray. After a short time, he said, “It’s not working!”
Romano glanced at the dagger, its handle inscribed with the Latin word “Antichristus.” He turned to Father Luca. “That’s a demonic blade. Your holy water. Quickly!”
Luca poured it on the wound.
The water began to glow on Connor’s skin and the bleeding slowed.
De Rosa said, “It’s working.” He reapplied pressure.
Connor paled and his lips turned blue. His eyes rolled up in his head.
“Stay with us, Connor!” Campagna cried.
His eyes closed and his hands fell to his sides. His wound ceased to bleed.
Campagna felt for a pulse. “Damn!” She began chest compressions.
“His halo is fading,” Song said. He turned to his fellow cardinals. “Pray!”
“Connor!” De Rosa roared.
Thanks
Dirk