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The Attack on New Bethlehem chapter is up. It's an updated version of the same chapter from v2. The original battle in this chapter was total crap, so I moved some of the book's final battle here (from the Caligula! chapter). I didn't want to do two large battles since that would just be repetitive, so this one is short. A bit heavy on telling. Please let me know if it's too short and what you would add. Also, please let me know if I need to say more about battle chess. It's really just a treaty-permitted way of ensuring limited, fair fights, rather than having battles escalate into all-out war.

Quick, go read!
Dirk

The chapter "The Havens Explode" is up. It's a modest rewrite of the same chapter from v2. Major changes include Joseph and Paul being kidnapped and the reintroduction of the little girl who briefly ended up in Joseph's head before I punted her from the last draft. Here her name is Billie, named for TNBW user Bill K. who inspired her, and she has a very different personality that will soon horrify Joseph.

Quick, go read!

Thanks
Dirk

I need to rehash something. I have several guard forces in the story, referred to as the Royal Guard, the Praetorian Guard, and the Elite Guard (to replace the Candidatii, which I dislike). Rather than constantly refer to these guards as "members of" or "officers of" the Praetorian/Royal/Elite Guard, I was considering simply referring to them as Praetorian guard(s), Royal guard(s), and Elite guard(s). So, the entities are always capitalized (e.g., the Guard), but the members are always lowercase (the guard(s)). Is that enough of a distinction to be clear? Another option is to simply refer to the individuals as Praetorian Guard(s), Royal Guard(s), and Elite Guard(s) and allow the reader to figure it out from context. For ambiguous cases, I can always be explicit. Seabrass uses City Watch and City Watchman.

Thoughts?

Wow! Impressive. Most impressive. Obi-Wan has taught you well.

Very helpful.
Dirk

P.S. Why aren't you teaching writing courses?

Hi Peony. Welcome to the site. I have a sci-fi (space opera) book called Into the Mind of God up on the site, as well as a mystery/thriller short story called Connor. I noticed you haven't posted anything yet. You'll find a lot of people here who would be glad to give you feedback.

When I reverse translate that, I get emperor of Japan.

Idiot is baka.

K, any idea if either of the following two words is correct for (generic) emperor (i.e., not the Japanese emperor): mikado or koutei? Wiktionary says mikado is emperor of Japan. I got koutei from a Romaji translator, but neither wiktionary nor Google recognize it as emperor.

K, do you happen to know what the Romaji word for emperor is?

I like foe, but broken foe is too straight. Mangled foe, on the other hand, may be too demented. I found a Romaji translator. It translates broken foe to koware ta teki and mangled foe to hason shi ta teki. I use the name several times in one chapter, so shorter may be better.

On a whim, I entered crushed testicles and got oshitsubusa kougan. That gave me the idea to make up a reasonable-sounding Japanese word that Apollo's research suggests "might" mean mangled testicles. That leaves the actual translation unspecified.

How about a new chapter from you, K...

How are you doing, Amy?