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Were you trying for pleaze, the Canadian spelling for please?

My next chapter, No Turning Back, is up. This includes numerous edits from v2 and an expanded epigraph.

Quick, go read!

Thanks
Dirk

Mariana, that limitation of the site has been addressed. I just published three chapters for the same book and only the last one shows up. If someone clicks on it, they're taken to the posting view where they can select any of the chapters to review.

My next chapter, Why Prophets Shouldn't Drink, is up. Lots of minor edits compared to v2.

Three chapters in one week! Woohoo! One more quick one, then I have to rewrite the starfighter battle. Ugh.

Quick, go read!

Thanks.
Dirk

How are you feeling, Amy?

I used BOOM! in one of my chapters in a paragraph by itself. It was a deliberately slow-moving, thought-filled church setting, and I wanted to startle the character and reader.

I also created spluck! as the sound someone's body makes as the character goes flying into mud. I explain it once, then use it several times thereafter for humorous effect. It's kind of a cross between splash and muck. I'm open to suggestions on that one because it doesn't really convey the great force with which the character hits the mud, in my opinion.

I also use um and er when a character is struggling for something to say.

Yes. Go to your menu at the top of the screen and select Reviews.

I disagree with your reviewers.

For issue 1, consider this sentence: His eyes were an even darker brown than mine. You've just told the reader that your POV character has brown eyes, although not as dark as the other character. Or: My black dress made my alabaster skin really stand out. You've just told the reader what the character's skin color is and what she's wearing. Neither case required a peek in the mirror, although I use that (e.g., my character adjusts his uniform in the mirror and thinks his emerald-green eyes and auburn hair give him a dreamy look). Also: I could feel the heat rise into my face, I was so embarrassed. That tells the reader the POV character is blushing.

Don Chambers here on this site writes in first person quite a bit. He frequently alternates between characters (usually two), but generally puts the name of the POV character at the beginning of the scene, so you know whose POV you're in.

I think I'll go with generic "headsets" for the guards without describing what they look like or how they work. There's no reason for them to be hidden since the guards are always in uniform and would be exptected to have one. I'll let readers picture the devices for themselves. The wisewatch, used by the main characters, is the real electronic workhorse of the story, and was only used by Apollo, Joseph, and Paul, if I remember v2 correctly.

Thanks
Dirk

Technically, noise could always be a problem. You never know where you might run into explosions and fire fights.

That would be option 1 (more or less). Secret Service agents can speak quietly into their mics in most settings, although they'd have to speak loudly in some settings (e.g., loud political rallies) to be heard over the background noise.

As Vern said, you can control from which connections you receive notifications. I would change them all to receive no notifications, then back to receive notifications. That should flush any erroneous settings out of the database. Also PM Sol for help.

They have the misfortune of having to name things that don't need names (e.g. stars that don't appear in the script) because they have a story universe database to maintain. I have no named stars for several of my worlds. The origin novel for Darth Sidious apparently decided it would be a good idea to name everything. Crossing a bridge? Needs a name. Entering a building? Needs a name. Etc. Several key characters had multiple names.