My next chapter, Young Leaders Conference, is up. This is a redo of the same chapter from v2. The epigraph is new, as is the ending. Both are intended to reflect greater animosity between Joseph and Apollo. The rest is minor cleanup.
Quick, go read!
Thanks
Dirk
I used BOOM! in one of my chapters in a paragraph by itself. It was a deliberately slow-moving, thought-filled church setting, and I wanted to startle the character and reader.
I also created spluck! as the sound someone's body makes as the character goes flying into mud. I explain it once, then use it several times thereafter for humorous effect. It's kind of a cross between splash and muck. I'm open to suggestions on that one because it doesn't really convey the great force with which the character hits the mud, in my opinion.
I also use um and er when a character is struggling for something to say.
My next chapter, The Christian Heresy Begins, is up. It includes numerous minor changes compared to v2. This is the chapter where Joseph rewrites the Ten Commandments and first meets Apollo. There's a lot of description of setting in this chapter. Please let me know if you can picture it.
Quick, go read!
Thanks
Dirk
Yes. Go to your menu at the top of the screen and select Reviews.
Maybe Sol should hold a contest to submit synopses to Fiery Seas Publishing to see who can get the fastest rejection. My out-of-office auto-reply takes almost as long. :-)
I disagree with your reviewers.
For issue 1, consider this sentence: His eyes were an even darker brown than mine. You've just told the reader that your POV character has brown eyes, although not as dark as the other character. Or: My black dress made my alabaster skin really stand out. You've just told the reader what the character's skin color is and what she's wearing. Neither case required a peek in the mirror, although I use that (e.g., my character adjusts his uniform in the mirror and thinks his emerald-green eyes and auburn hair give him a dreamy look). Also: I could feel the heat rise into my face, I was so embarrassed. That tells the reader the POV character is blushing.
Don Chambers here on this site writes in first person quite a bit. He frequently alternates between characters (usually two), but generally puts the name of the POV character at the beginning of the scene, so you know whose POV you're in.
It should really (also) show at the bottom of the chapter on the posting view page, where all the other reviews for that chapter are located. That way, you could just go back to the chapter, scroll to the bottom, and pick up where you left off. Naturally, the incomplete review should only show for the reviewer, since it hasn't been submitted yet.
I think I'll go with generic "headsets" for the guards without describing what they look like or how they work. There's no reason for them to be hidden since the guards are always in uniform and would be exptected to have one. I'll let readers picture the devices for themselves. The wisewatch, used by the main characters, is the real electronic workhorse of the story, and was only used by Apollo, Joseph, and Paul, if I remember v2 correctly.
Thanks
Dirk
Chaqpter 17, Assassination Attempt, is up. I've eliminated the question of whether the attempt is an actual (successful) assassination right from the outset, since I wanted to focus the historical epigraph on whether Apollo is the one responsible and hint at his future ruthlessness (mostly book two), the same way that I'm setting up Joseph as the Antichrist. The other alternative would be to change the title and epigraph to something different and leave the outcome of the attack a surprise. Thoughts?
Quick, go read!
Dirk
Why not use one (wisewatches?) in ordinary situaltions and noise-cancelling headsets or earpieces where noise is a problem?
Technically, noise could always be a problem. You never know where you might run into explosions and fire fights.
What about a privacy set that provides earpieces and hides the mouth and jaw, with sound cancelling that keeps the voice from spreading?
That would be option 1 (more or less). Secret Service agents can speak quietly into their mics in most settings, although they'd have to speak loudly in some settings (e.g., loud political rallies) to be heard over the background noise.
I'm trying to decide if the guards in my book should use
1) discrete earpieces with mics on their sleeves (like the Secret Service)
2) visible headsets (e.g., a bluetooth-style earpiece/mic), or
3) a wisewatch with 2-way audio-visual communication.
These guards all wear uniforms and/or armor, so it's always obvious who they are, essentially eliminating the need for a discrete option. Wisewatches are ubiquitous in my galaxy for communication, so I'm inclined to use them, except an earpiece or headset is easier to hear through in a loud setting, and limits who can hear what is said.
Thoughts?
Dirk
As Vern said, you can control from which connections you receive notifications. I would change them all to receive no notifications, then back to receive notifications. That should flush any erroneous settings out of the database. Also PM Sol for help.
Bill, why not use the x-line tab within the review screen to see all of your comments (and author replies) at once?
They have the misfortune of having to name things that don't need names (e.g. stars that don't appear in the script) because they have a story universe database to maintain. I have no named stars for several of my worlds. The origin novel for Darth Sidious apparently decided it would be a good idea to name everything. Crossing a bridge? Needs a name. Entering a building? Needs a name. Etc. Several key characters had multiple names.
I finally saw Rogue One on Netflix. I lost count of the number of planets/stations in the first 15 minutes of the film (5 or 6, I think). Some of the casting/characters were excellent. Loved the blind Jedi. The CGI of Tarkin was meh. For some reason, Vader's costume seemed off as well. I'd give it 3 stars; less if it didn't have all of the familiar Star Wars elements going for it.
According to the Funeral Fund Blog: There is no minimum safe depth at which a body must be interred. The depth of an in-ground burial can vary from 1.5 to 12 feet, sometimes even deeper. Individual jurisdictions specify their own minimum depths, but most are nowhere near six feet. The origin of the idiom “Six feet under”.
I went with a meter.
A meter perhaps?
For those who read Turning Point, I decided I have too little use for Billie going forward, so Joseph and Paul bury her on consecrated (church) ground to force her out. I still got to use the (partial) head twisting from the Exorcist, the raspy voice, and speaking in tongues. Since she's technically not destroyed, she could make an occasional reappearance, although I doubt it. I didn't bother republishing for points since it's a minor change.
Dave, my two MCs both hear voices, one of them from four distinct entities. I use italics for all such mind speech, using regular dialogue tags like said, asked, and replied as needed between the mind speakers. The MCs generally think to themselves using indirect thoughts in 3rd person past tense, although I do rarely switch to first person present tense to emphasize a thought, adding a thought tag if needed to be clear. With all due respect to Stephen King, I found that using special characters to surround mind speech is hard to read. It looks more like a page of html code than a novel.
If you're interested, have a look at chapter one ("Boys With a Destiny") of my book Into the Mind of God v3 to see the result. The scenes involving Joseph include God and Joseph's dead grandmother talking with him.
Done did reviewed. All I found was a few nits. I like the added depth to Alda in the chapter, especially the last line.
Thanks, Janet. FYI, the link doesn't work.
I like it, Amy. Are you going to go into Jaylene's POV while she and Alda are separated?
The latest chapter, Turning Point, is up. This follows Joseph during and immediately after the battle up in space, led by Apollo. He's still in South Haven following his kidnapping. Billie's true nature is revealed.
I am just flying through these chapters compared to my usual pace. I have one chapter in Act II that needs a complete rewrite, but the rest of the book will probably roll out at about one revised chapter per week or two, which is a good thing, because I am sick of writing this story. It'll be 7-8 years total on one book. Sheesh.
I want to move on to my book about the Antichrist plotting to seize control of the Vatican, based on the short story I wrote a while back.
Quick, go read!
Dirk
Thank you, KLvK. That was my original idea. A simple reward for people who go out of their way to give an exceptional review. No one else would be involved. Just me and the reviewer.
Sol, I know I asked about this once before, but was wondering if you'd consider it again. I have over 900 points and would love to donate some to my better reviewers as a thank you for the extra effort they put in compared to those who just drop 5 inline comments. It seems like this would be a feature you could add that wouldn't affect those who don't want to use it, so it shouldn't get in other people's way (e.g., an optional numeric field next to the Save Reply button). However, I suspect others are in a similar position as me and might use it, too.
Thoughts?
