Janet's characters would think a tutu was an oversized neck ruff.
Need a new keyboard after reading this while taking a sip of juice ...
Janet's characters would think a tutu was an oversized neck ruff.
Need a new keyboard after reading this while taking a sip of juice ...
And also, so did I when I did the review!
Amy set it up AND completely forgot about the crowd. And a prison of all places! But I think it's safe to say she's well aware of it now .... If I had an easy fix, I'd be sharing, but personally can't see Jaylene going in wearing anything more than underwear unfortunately ... So your comments about keeping it brief to show she's earned their respect is the best outcome IMO.
And to be honest, they will find someone in Hollywood to play the part too. Compared to 50 shades, this is tame.
We all do it, and that's why we are here. With all the words and thoughts and rewrites and notes, it's easy to miss even obvious and simple mistakes. A new pair of eyes is invaluable to pick out our glaring mistakes.
Not sure if this is related closely enough, but this conversation can probably be extended to a range of other writing rules. POV comes to mind. Many writers have successfully broken the so-called unbreakable POV rules. Of course, first time writers need to be careful as they are still learning, but it can be done.
Janet, romance also tend towards being "wordy", and it works also for that genre. Just another example to support what Charles said.
Black John in a tutu ... *spits popcorn through the air and wins the contest without even trying*. Amy, you do know that Johnny is really hairy, like in back, shoulders, even his foot soles? *slaps choking amy on her back, popcorn fly through the air and amy is the new winner* good luck getting that mental picture out of your head ..... And for the record, I kept that mental picture civil, over a beer in a bar somewhere in the middle of Bellingham and Cleveland, it would've gotten way worse!
Apologies for slightly going off topic, but it's not as if njc has left me and K with many options ......
But on that, and I doubt I'm only speaking for me here, keep that male perspective that I do forget or get wrong coming! You guys are doing great work!
janet reid wrote:But while you're still around, it seems like Jaylene's clothing is in the way. Why don't you keep things simple and just have her arrive naked?
If we're doing nominations, I vote tutu
tsk tsk, from no pants to tutu - this is what I call a 360 degree turn where in reality you should be aiming for a 180 degree turn ... At this rate you're going to have to deal with Tazar AND Alda (and remember who picked who up in chapter 11 .....)
edit - but in any case, I second K's tutu proposal - not sure who's going to convince Alda it's the way to go though .....
Sorry boys, too late now to scramble, Tazar is already pissed off - I'd suggest you start running NOW if you haven't already * chews popcorn *
"I want to take the second step after my volunteer work in Africa and return to university to finish my prerequisites for graduate school in Medicine."
Charles, just shows that you shouldn't just simply follow/apply rules blindly. Sometimes less is more, and sometimes more is more. The "sticky" bit IMO is to know when is less more and when is more more. So in the example you have used, if one reviewer had proposed to use less words as per the article, and you had proposed the above, I certainly would have followed your advice in this instance.
And the way I read you comment, you're not saying either that there will never be a case where words couldn't/shouldn't be cut, but rather that it must be needed/justified and not done just to follow some or other "rule"?
Your example certainly opened my limited thinking in regard to using more words to convey a message/concept with clarity rather than trying to be economical to the n-th degree and in the process, not really saying anything.
Janet R
I was working on the Erevain chapters and had a small problem to fix. I found a solution that turns me back toward a hard question that I had avoided, even in my thinking. Now I'm thinking.
I think I may be fighting off a bug. I've needed a lot of sleep for the past five days.
I hate those questions! But the sooner you get them answered, the better, because usually it improves the end result! Good luck!
ps - best advice (and I think amy would agree with me here) for fighting off bugs: eat a handful of sand and then drink a bottle of whiskey, sit back and let the drunk bugs throw each other (dead) with massive rocks .... but I really hope it's nothing serious like being stuck in bed with a cold or something for days *crosses fingers *
* scribbles on note pad - fake tree, LEDs, evergreen candle, matches *
ps - you so think like me! but instead of more time for family, more time for eggnog
Point taken. K can take off his own pants instead of trying to make Jaylene's disappear.
Let me amend a previous statement. If K and I leave the site, we will go hand in hand a skip away. Then I will trip him.
By the way, should you and K leave this site, I'd suggest drop the skipping altogether and start running as fast as you can, because you would not want me to catch up with you guys ..... * growls menacingly while wiping away tears *
But while you're still around, it seems like Jaylene's clothing is in the way. Why don't you keep things simple and just have her arrive naked? In any case, with or without pants and all kinds of clinging garments, let the guards and prisoners enjoy the show, and then let Tazar get his breath back and let him loose to teach them some manners and respect. And while he's at it, you have in writing what K and njc said, I'm sure Tazar will not take to it too kindly. * gets popcorn and a chair to watch (and enjoy) Tazar whoop some ass *
And its been renamed to Sword and Danger Man who is not Full.
This is pure gold .... Do not change a thing, your new title is spectacular.
Anyways, I saw your review - much appreciated. You've moved up the list. Tomorrow is looking good to recip some unexpected new reviews ...
I'm pretty sure if you try hard enough, you'll eventually find someone that has a problem with any and every word ever used to describe someone.
So, if only one reviewer has a problem with a word I've used, I'd say it's up to me to take it or leave it. If a chorus of reviewers emerge all having that problem, I'd sit up and listen. If a reviewer says that the meaning of a word has changed in recent times (looking at K's reply), and it's not what you meant to say, I'd also sit up and listen.
janet reid wrote:But you did see her first before you managed to get closer?!
Seriously though, this was really nice to read! It's not often you hear of pheromones that still keep going after 52 years!
Thanks, Janet. She was perhaps the second thing I saw when I entered the living room (the first being a giant galvanized tub of iced-down beer). At first she didn't see me but she must have sensed me looking at her because when she looked up and we locked eyes it was all over. The elapsed time from entry to seeing her lasted about three minutes. That spark is still there.
~Tom
I didn't think it could get any nicer! Ignoring a tub full of cold beer at that age ... clearly it was meant to be!
Janet said: So I tend to agree it's probably too individual to lump it together that broadly. Not that we won't stop trying?!
I might be simple, but to me this is what's wrong with civilization. The inability to see people as individuals instead of a group.
I don't think that's necessarily a problem or wrong. It's part of human nature and how we grow up. Eventually, we do grow up and also acquire the ability to see past the "group" and notice the "individual", but for most, unless (before) you don't get to know a person, you lump them in a group by default based on your experiences with similar people when you see them. When you've grown up and don't have the ability to see beyond someone's "group" and recognise the differences or uniqueness of that individual, then I think it's a problem.
If I had a penny for all the times I've been told, "Aren't redheads supposed to have a massive temper?", I'd be writing full-time!
I have to agree with Dagnee. When I met my future wife, 52 years ago, I thought she smelled great and had a wonderful bunch of pheromones, which she kept throwing my way. I was home on Christmas leave from Pensacola and headed to the Azores when my brother talked me into going to a high school party with him. I, of course, being far superior as having graduated a year earlier, nearly didn't go. We met and spent the entire evening wrapped around each other. Back at my house, I told my brother that I'd met the person I was going to marry. Funnily enough, I found out later that she'd told her best friend the very same thing.
I'm still waiting for the pheromones to wear off.
~Tom
But you did see her first before you managed to get closer?!
Seriously though, this was really nice to read! It's not often you hear of pheromones that still keep going after 52 years!
It might be changing, but a psychologist told me once that men give love for sex and women give sex for love.
I think it's a good point and still valid - I don't think it will change soon.
My own personal belief is that in the beginning of a relationship it's chemistry that attracts you and the love part starts when the pheromones wear off.
I share this belief as clinical as it may be for a romance reader/writer! Chemistry to begin with, and then there is a conscious decision to love. For the same reason, I think you can also choose to stop loving someone. It still hurts like hell, but it remains a decision as opposed to a feeling in my mind.
I also believe when writing a character, man or woman, they fall in love according to their personality traits. In other words everyone, regardless of gender, falls in love differently.
This actually makes a lot of sense - trying to differentiate between the ways people fall in love, just looking at men vs women would be too restrictive. So I tend to agree it's probably too individual to lump it together that broadly. Not that we won't stop trying?!
IIf it were possible to run Amy off this site, I'd have sent her running long ago
Careful K - following amy's (solid) reasoning, by running her off the site, you'd be running yourself off the site because she'll turn the tables on you! hehehe
The fact you notice these things in my work will translate to yours. Now I want to see that kind of improvement in your own style. You've taken a distinct leap in what you can see in someone else's material. Time to put it to use.
* scribbles notes to take it easy on Amy from now on *
not really, because this is exactly what is good about this site!
I really hope you do the bit with Jaylene's hand going to the scar, and her murmuring thanks. That act showed a kind of courage in Tazar, call it courage of the heart--courage and greatness. I'm not qualified to call it a masterstroke, but it belongs on the dais with them. Having Jaylene acknowledge it will help the reader understand why she treasures this friend so--and what the Wolves were about.
Of course, you might be saving that for a later chapter.
I think this is a really good suggestion (coming from the ignorant one who hasn't read any of the other books yet).
Hi Judy
Good news to see a new chapter. I've to put you on my wish list - I wish I had more time!!!!
Just too hard to find out where the good conversations are.
There is none happening. Of all the groups I belong to, this one is the only one that interacts on a daily basis - not that regularity converts into good per say (this group being a really good example of that! hehehehehe), but in all seriousness, this is where it's happening. The Romance and Cop groups are relatively busy, but not on a daily basis. It's been awhile, so I don't think it's people figuring the new site out anymore. I have no clue why either.
Janet
The little home image has disappeared -- used to be just to the right of the POST YOUR WRITING.
Thank you for all the enhancements -- major among them are is the email notification of postings.
Wilma, mines still around. Clicking the "The Next Big Writer" logo top left corner will also take you home!
Cheers Janet
And to Sol, like everyone else, thanks for all the improvements!
I have a strong suspicion our first (few) Christmas tree(s) in the US is/are going to die, quickly, unless it comes with instructions ...... Now I panic. I don't panic easily ......
I'd suggest "The Three Boffins - The Hollow-ish Man" as the title!
For now however, I'm struggling to recip while I'm struggling with writing, so I can't make any promises. But I've made a note and one day, who knows, I'll have some spare time with nothing else to do (or I'll feel really guilty for not having taken a look yet) and will check it out! But best would be to start reading and reviewing some other writers on site - they tend to recip and reviewing will also do wonders for your writing. You'd probably need the points soon in any case judging by changes coming with regards to free groups (not sure if you can see the premium posts) ....
JR
I'm not prepared to do the extensive patent search. I have a much simpler gizmo that might be patentable. Too bad Ron Popeil died. That's the kind of marketing it would need.
Especially with the way cellphones (I think that's what you guys call what we call mobile phones over in the States - I'm trying my newly acquired slang on you guys) have taken over the market ..... Apps apparently is the way to go!