It's 1130 PM here. I'm just about to have lunch. What is this 'late' that you speak of?
Enjoy lunch! I just posted the chapter I didn't think I would post today, take that K's cattle prod! 
1130PM is late. It's all relative? 
All we need is K to be in his thirties, and we have all the decades covered, sort of-ish.
I'll go cheap then! At least the romance is on the back burner with mystery the main focus again.
Oh, forgot to say thank you, so thank you! It's pretty late on your side of the States!
I used too many big words.
You do, but it's nothing to complain about. (I haven't analysed the bias of being on a writer's site fully before posting this comment).
Someone has to take a look at the word-count routines. I just posted a short review (of, it said, 13 words). When it showed up under the post, it reported 9 words.
Something is definitely wrong, Sol.
~Tom
Tom, have you tried to contact Sol directly? I'm not sure if he always sees all the posts.
For now, it ends where Isaac's sister approaches Catherine. Catherine is all worried, of course, not knowing if there is a problem. Readers might expect more to it too. It's pretty much nothing, that will be cleared up next chapter - mostly development of Matthew and Black J's characters before the real bomb is dropped a bit later in the next chapter. But it feels like a cheap shot ending it where Catherine asks Alice if something is the matter and knowing nothing is the matter.
Now I just have to find the words and put them on paper - the last week has been less than stellar.
So it's 6pm and I just finished a chapter. Except, it's not finished because it ends in the middle of boooorrrrriiiinnnnnnggggggg. Nothing will make the reader turn to the next page.
grrrrrr, I have to be clever again. I don't do clever well. LOL
Ames, at least I have Anthony's wounds down to a tee. Oh yes, that wasn't me, that would be you. LOL
Basically what Vern said - such reviews will come at a cost of not building solid recip relationships which in my opinion, is a very expensive way of trying to accumulate points. Recip relationships is what differentiate TNBW from other sites like these and it's very hard to get value from TNBW without.
Also, do not forget the new member who is still learning to review and building their confidence to be critical as well. If the 'experienced' writer returned a sub-standard review, the new members will never get the opportunity to improve and become part of the family so to speak. I do not think it's difficult or impossible for those that had been around a bit to differentiate between those that do the minimum and those that are still learning.
And as I said, those doing the minimum do so at the cost of establishing recip relationships. They will soon have to change their ways or go somewhere else.
Just my 2 cents.
My b'day is also a couple of weeks away! *fist bump* It'll be my 21st 21st birthday, and most of the time, I need to re-read most of njc's references to make sense of it, so (1) you're not alone, (2) it's not because of your age, it's a combination of things and (3) that'd teach me reading Romance novels instead of educational stuff.
I'm blessed with better-than-average language skills: about 70th %ile on the GRE so many years ago. I suspect this is true of everyone here.
I'm surrounded by thesauruses or thesauri and dictionaries at all times. English being, theoretically, my 2nd language - I have so much in common with Canadians, it's not even funny hehehehe (side-note: I can't really claim this for at least the last 15 years at all, but sometimes it rears its head, and that's my excuse, and I'm planning to stick with it).
But I have the same problem as njc, I would love to read more, but since deciding I'm going to write a book or three, I don't find time for reading too often, and when I do, I just want to switch off, not learn. Since 'meeting' njc, it has picked up again somewhat. He has a lot of references, and he remembers ALL of them!
Watta' place! I don't even hafta toot my own horn!
I have to say, these days I'm like, should I even bother to google it or do I just save myself the time and hassle and post it straight here? You guys are that good!
Classy. However, Janet and I both have 2 boys each. Farts are part of waking up and daily conversations over dinner usually. Better than Folgers coffee in the morning.
Fixed just a little oversight! 
Pfft to you both.
Blowing raspberries all over the screen is Amy's thing.
Dig deep, Dirk, and find your true self!
Now I just have to find the words and put them on paper - the last week has been less than stellar.
Eh, give him a glorious shiner and swollen eye. You can fracture his face and he can still fight. He'll have an awesome bruise, but nothing will stop him from playing with a sword.
What you said sounds reasonable.
Remember that if you fracture a nose really well, you get black eyes on both sides. However, you can usually see out of them unless the orbit got cracked
As to being worth half of the TNBW fee…well…shucks! I'm remembering that commercial…Cost of a TNBW membership…50 bucks. The cost of a self-published book…couple hundred bucks….the cost of verbal abuse and someone tearing your life's work to pieces just for the fun of it? Priceless :-)
hahahahaha
and "AT LEAST" half of the TNBW fee!
Okay, I'll just be clear it was a fist fight and nothing broken. His lip is split, but that's about the worst of it. So there will still be swelling, albeit a bit better alrready and then make day 2 worst again? Does that sound reasonable?
You're better than Google Amy! And you make up for at least half of my TNBW annual fee!
AMMMMYYYYYY!!!!! I'm yelling again, because you're out of the catacombs just to go straight into a cave.
Okay, so quick question on Anthony's wounds.
Matthew hit him in the ribs, hit him with an elbow on the jaw, and finished it off with a fist (holding his sword) on his other cheek. Nothing broken, just bruised. How long will it take for the swelling to subside? And after a day and night, would he be able to do physical weapons training? Is there anything else I should take into account? I'm also assuming it will take a good few weeks for the bruises to go away?
Well, at least it's not bullet wounds ... It sounds as if you had enough of those for a while.
Thanks for all your help!
We noticed.
I haven't 
LOL
Hi!*waving back*
I joined a couple of months ago but never really noticed the forums before, so never introduced myself!
I'm writing a novel about a young girl who's figuring out life, and romance is definitely a theme running through the story!
I've learned so much from the kind people who have reviewed me already, and am already learning a lot more from looking through these forums!
Hi Suin
Thank you for the post, my arm was getting tired! LOL
And here's a belated welcome to the group! If you have any questions about romance, feel free to start a post in the forum, it's open to all.
I'll see if I can't get to your story soon - I'm always catching up on reviews, but try to support Romance members too.
And absolutely, joining TNBW made a huge difference in my writing, and only for the best.
Glad to have you around!
Janet
Oh, take a look at the pic on my profile. It's the look on Faulter's face when he realizes that Zyrtec stole his left boot again and that all the buttons are missing from his coat. My husband drew it on a Denny's placemat. Hence the pic of pumpkin pie in the background.
Wow, that's good!!!! I can't sing or draw to save my life.
It's backstory, and should be abbreviated. It gets us to the start of the journey, and there are questions yet to be answered. "What happened then, well that's the play ..."
If it's backstory, then it's not the start of the novel. That much I can say. The novel needs to start, well, at the start. (I know, I know, I'm really clever sometimes, and helpful - not).
I hope I'll have time to read Acts at least. But at this stage, I can only review/read so much if I want to also write. Apart from not being able to really contribute, most of the time, I have no idea what you guys are talking about in the forums too.
I forgot to add, I hope no one shoots anyone tonight.
Good start. Some initial thoughts... and you know that I don't hold back...
a) The chapter is paced in frantic mode. There are maybe 8 chapters packed in here. Climb -> Cave -> Chaos -> Rescue -> Aftermath -> change in casting. Yowza...
b) I'm familiar/comfortable with the characters but a new reader will find this an onslaught of names that whiz by in a blur and have no time to stick. Adjusting the pacing will help this.
c) njc says cut back like 60% of the event-dump. I say 95%. Give the story room to breathe, girl
d) in fact, I recommend you pick the most important three and make this chapter about them. Everyone else should be "the others" until chapter two. Important: A high-energy or high-charisma character (or both) needs to counter-balance Kha (Airen? Jaylene? Animal-Ears-Piorx?) You've got no synergy running against him except a brief moment with Anver. Synergy begats chemistry. Chemistry begats reader immersion. Reader immersion begats sales.So my advice: keep the concept, toss the shopping list and run with it
Disclaimer(s): Haven't read Acts or Mandates. It can be a good thing. Or maybe not. Also, fantasy isn't exactly my thing.
Here's the problem, I disagree with K (and, by default, with Dirk who agrees with K).
Frantic pace? Kha is looking at the canyon - I know where they are. Then he and Melody have a nice chat - I don't know everything, but I know enough, why they are there and a hint at some greater issue/danger (Binen) - nice and gently. We meet Airen. Then they descent into the cave. And fade to black. [side-note - I have no idea what happened, but I don't care because this is what I call good tension - this doesn't confuse, it makes readers want to read on to get answers to the questions that just formed in their heads - as long as we eventually get a picture from all the POV's what had happened and how, she'll be right] Then I wake up with Kha - it's as if I had been hit over the head and feel like crap. We meet Anver. Nothing confusing about getting to know anyone/not that many names IMO - I feel like I have it all under control. Kha rambling a list of names? Still good IMO - he's confused, have no clue what the hell happened and what is going on. I feel that too, because he is rattling down a list of names I don't know - except, I feel confused in a good way - I'll get to know the rest of the list as I read on, their names can stick to me then. (when K insisted, with others too, that I needed to cut the names in my first chapter, he was right - mine was confusing as hell, but on this one, I'm not convinced it's justified - I know no one except Taz-man, and found it anything but overwhelming or confusing, and I get overwhelmed and confused quite easily).
Give this chapter room to breathe? (8 chapters of room? kill me already) room to breathe = slow = boring = is this how the rest of the book is going to be, a drag? = take the book next to it from the shelf and give it a look. Unless we really, really need to know what happened second-by-second to understand the rest of the book, please, keep it to the point (as it is at the moment in my opinion). If anything, I'd reconsider dragging Kha's recovery out that long. But it has purpose - his recovery time = seriousness of injury = major incident, then he needed his staff to heal (good info/all good IMO/nothing too frantic, just getting to the point) and then ....
There was Kha's magic staff, then an Earthwound, then a hint at old magic, then a Black Staff! Great stuff. What the hell happened? Where are the rest of the Wolves, did they even make it?!!! = dammit, I'm not going to sleep even if it's 1am - I want to know, and there's only one way to do it - read on. This is what you want from a first chapter, isn't it, pull the reader in and don't bore them to death trying to do so?
Kha needs a counter-balance? K, weren't you listening? BLACK STAFF, mate, BLACK STAFF. WTF?! That's AWESOME!!!! Not for Kha or the Wolves, from a reader perspective, of course. And then I didn't think anything would be able to beat Earthwound, boy was I wrong. Oh, and Kha is going to look for the others? That was a long list. I'm strapping myself in for an epic journey.
So, for a first chapter. I give it a high five. Sure, the opening paragraphs/lines could probably be worked on a bit more to make it first line/paragraph material, but a total rewrite, slowing it down, cutting 60-95% and all the other 'problems'? I disagree. Get to the point of the book already. So if it's not going to be about Kha finding the others and finding heaps of trouble along the way, then yes, this chapter missed the nail by a mile. But if it is, it gets to the point effectively and efficiently - nothing frantic or to confusing IMO.
So Amy needs to decide if she wants to get to Kha getting better already and on his way looking for the other Wolves and the answers to what had happened or if she wants to take the readers there via the (boring) scenic route.
Now, from what I see, it seems there is trouble to connect the different books against the timeline. I can't say anything with certainty as I haven't read the other books, sorry. I hope to get there one day.
I'm not sure this helps - I've also left a review too for what it's worth. Knowing me, I probably missed the whole plot. But then again, this is feedback from someone that hasn't been contaminated by Mandates or Acts at all. This was all new to me.
I still have a few chapters to catch up with. Will get to it this weekend I hope.
The read like a dream = read real easy = I forgot I was reviewing, not reading.
I just deleted a quickee from this person. No connection request as of yet.
Same thing here.
But I didn't just delete the quickee, I also saved us a whole lot of trouble and emailed zambazamba30 or whatever, my newest and bestest friend, my bank details, credit card numbers and pins as well as my mother's maiden name, my address and DOB. I forgot to ask about the pics though, dammit! Now I'll never know.
Good luck Sol, looks like the spammers also like the new site. They have reached a new low though, a writer's site?! LOL, I hope this isn't a money scam, because that'll just be so sad.
