As a reader, I prefer the second one "Ah-ah-choo!" But it might become annoying if over-used, so I'd probably suggest mixing it up using both your suggestions as well as mixing up the 'sound-effect' e.g. "Ah-choo" vs "ah-ah-choo". Also, have Phoebe try to stop the sneeze - I've tried, with varying degrees of success in my life. Or even internal dialogue - Phoebe's nose tingled. Argh, not again. "Ah-ah ..." Too late!
Hope some if this helps!
Janet
I just made some minor edits to Sleeping with Wolves. They don't address anybody's comments but mine, so I won't do a repub unless someone wants me to.
Which chapter number is this njc? I can't remember if I looked at this one yet. From memory, I don't think so, so it will be all new to me.
Always wanted to rule the geeks with a friggin tiara on my head. I might hide it in my hair when I finally meet with a publisher. Just for confidence boosting, of course.
It has roses! I'm a princess!
Yeah, it's nice, but my 'new' fingerless gloves are better! 
Queen Amy ... has a nice ring to it. *curtsy*
'CHARGE!!!!!' *zap* bleep-bleep, bleep-bleep ...
As is people, njc's plot's back again.
K, now you done it. Best to stick with push-ups mate.
Great article and comments.
My first "check" is before I post a chapter to TNBW, but like others have mentioned, I also try not to focus on things like this while I'm writing. I also read the article as not necessarily saying to delete all these words and never use them, but if you do, to do so sparingly.
Thanks for sharing Janet - I've recognised a few words I tend to use too much.
janet reid wrote:njc wrote:Okay, I'm working on Amy's review. As to my own work ... I spent yistre'en busting two month's budget, sitting in the cold for six hours. Sitting, standing, walking, but mostly sitting.
Otherwise, I've been tied up with some physical details. ...
This is dedication. I'm positive it will pay off in the long the run.
I didn't mean to suggest I was working out in the cold. I was slumming.
I was purely referring to the writing 6-7 paragraphs and ending with effectively one at the end. 
Now you've got inspiration for some mannerisms: a guy who often worms around in his ear with his pinky. Or a lower-class woman ...
It pains me to admit this, but one of our Prime Ministers beat K to it in the ear wax inspiration category. Only difference is, he kills his ear wax by eating it. *ewwwww, can't believe I actually typed it* In any case, we seem to vote for winners, another one eats onions. Whole. With skin intact. I don't know which one is worse, please don't make me choose!
I guess this is what you get when voting is compulsory. A $40 fine is starting to look more and more like a bargain.
Okay, I'm working on Amy's review. As to my own work ... I spent yistre'en busting two month's budget, sitting in the cold for six hours. Sitting, standing, walking, but mostly sitting.
Otherwise, I've been tied up with some physical details. I'll try to post something tonight. Not chapters, just some paragraphs here. Know that for every paragraph posted, I've rewritten or cut away six or seven ... and worked on inner logic.
This is dedication. I'm positive it will pay off in the long the run.
OK, the next chapter of Dictates is up. As usual, I just had to sit down and force myself to start. Then the words came out without a problem. Just tell yourself that you are doing 500 words minimum. Even in a block, I can write 500 words. If it is more, then bonus time!
I am 4, FOUR!!!!!! $%&#% chapters behind. How the hell did that happen? When did that happen? You, miss S, have just rocketed up my list faster than what K can get rid of ear wax. Which means next week, at best, but no later than two weeks from now, I'm going to have a marathon catch up session, so buckle up so long.
What else did I miss? arrrrggghhhh, I used to be so good at this. *pulls hair from head*
PByrd wrote:Scenario 1: Yes, it's plausible, by why only have 'one' steamy romance? How and why is the international guy to meet the local sheriff?
Scenario 2: Yes this works too, but that's a lot of kids to be moving around with. Are they moving in a camper pretending to be highly religious? That could make it more interesting and delay any physically intimate moments (when the campers rocking don't come knocking).The kids don't go on the lam with the adults. They are sent somewhere really safe.
Not a problem, as long as you explain/justify why the kids are separated from their parents and it's plausible!
Scenario 1:
Somewhat bad boy, yet good guy, who is a part of an international organization to thwart terrorism meets dynamic local female sheriff. Instant attraction ensues, but sheriff thinks he's a cold blooded killer. Finds out differently and helps him out of country. However, the attraction is irresistible. Is it plausible in the world of romance that said man would send gifts and call said woman from a foreign country and eventually come back and have one steamy romance?
Maybe not sending gifts. Or, if he is sending gifts, it need to be gifts that's not an indication of 'serious relationship' - i.e. no jewelry. I've been told by a few male friends over the years that they only buy jewelry when they're REALLY serious about someone i.e. it's moved on from being physical to also include emotional aspects.
The success of this would entirely hang from their first meet. If the physical attraction is there and it's huge, then this would be believable (a lot believable! IMO). But in this case, the physical attraction needs to be from both i.e. the sheriff in my mind shouldn't be too 'shy' (for lack of a better word).
Overall, I think this is a great premise for a romance. The underlying physical attraction from the get go, but she thinks he's bad, and doesn't act on it. Only to find out he's a good guy, but in the chaos to get him to safety, doesn't have an opportunity to find out where it could go. It could become an obsession of sorts, why not.
And like Philisha, I also wonder why one steamy romance? There is only one universal rule for a novel to be a romance - the FMC and MMC have to end up together either happy for now or happy for ever after. Anything else is up for grabs!
Scenario 2:
Pregnant woman who already has 2 kids is widowed. A killer thinks she can identify him. Local detective, who also is a widowed father, takes said woman on the lam to keep her safe. Detective delivers baby. When it's safe to come home, they do. Over several months, is it plausible in the world of romance for these two to develop feelings for each other, yet be slow to act on them due to all the trauma. Is it plausible that said woman's in-laws would actually encourage her to move on with life, possibly even find a new love?
I see no issues here except that usually romance novels require that the attraction between the FMC and MMC must be established very early on (chapter 1 early for most). The intensity can vary, but there must be something early to hint that these two are meant for each other, like each other and the readers is about to read how they end up together. Without this, it might be better suited as a love story rather than a romance. (but there are no hard and fast rules on this, so there is a lot of room to move here)
Also, readers will never forgive you if you make all those kids disappear just because they're 'inconvenient'. Knowing you, I think you'd be okay and not fall into that trap. But alone time will be tricky and will need some effort/planning, so it will be challenging to get these two to realize they're attracted to each other enough that they will go through all the trouble to find alone time together and look into it. But it should be doable, I mean, it happens all the time in IRL?!
Janet's 2-cent worth
Only you could turn earwax into an analogy.
And make it work ...
Gotta have a saloon
... with swinging doors and half-dressed serving wenches.
Nah, this is not confusing/complicated. You should see some of the stuff Rebecca put us through! (see the thread about the Titles in the Pendragon) She actually have K running out of spreadsheet space ...
I'm not saying this hoping that you accept the challenge and come up with something so (over)complicated it would force K to start a spreadsheet on your novel too and leave the rest of us alone. Especially since you've already graciously offered to be zombie lunch so that I can trip you, sorry, meant to say, so that I can get to safety where Amy is. You're already taking one for the team, it will be unfair to expect you take up more! LOL
In all seriousness though, I think you'll find a solution. And it will be awesome! I'll think about this between 2-3am tomorrow morning (the time I come up with my best ideas, it's just a shame I'm asleep at that time 99.99999% of the freaking time) and if I think of anything, I'll let you know. It might not be the solution, but it might trigger the solution in your mind.
And I really need to catch up with you before I fall too far behind - I made a note!
Dill Carver wrote:Charles_F_Bell wrote:"Round" itself has many meanings enough without adding another one.
True... and strange that I'd never thought of it before. Adverb and preposition. Is it the word with the most meanings?
According to The Guinness Book of Records:
The word with the most meanings in English is the verb 'set', with 430 senses listed in the Second Edition of the Oxford English Dictionary, published in 1989. The word commands the longest entry in the dictionary at 60,000 words, or 326,000 characters.Take care. Vern
Vern, I'm sure we (as in not me) can find another one to add?! LOL You have to love English.
HI everyone! I just joined. I'm an undergrad student, always been interested in writing. I'm currently attempting to write a novel right now, mostly a romance. Planning a novel is pretty difficult so I thought I'd find somewhere where I can talk to other writers so here I am!
Hi Saina, welcome to the group! I hope you find it useful and I'll also be looking out for your first chapter.
In terms of writing advice and tips, there is a separate group for that, and it might be best to ask general questions there. That said, you're more than welcome to post it here as well - if we can, we'll help! Anything romance related, this is the place. And by all means, anyone is welcome to start threads, so ask away and post topics. Don't hold back!
All the best with your writing! Joining this site was definitely a good decision - I've been around for just over a year, and I can tell you, the growth I have experienced has been phenomenal. Not to mention making a lot of friends too.
Janet
I go "easier" on romance than fantasy, but not easy, no. Easy is me reviewing a Western. As long as you got horses and cowboys, I give it a thumbs up
My next novel is going to be Western, set in the 16th century on the northern border of England. It'll be worth it, yes?!
The mechanic knows you have to tighten the bolts in the right order. The engineer knows why the right order is the right order.
So, on the subject of names, I have been wondering. Does a character's last name add to the story or just make it more difficult to keep track of? I have a whole spiel on Elvish last names and Fae last names, but I'm honestly not sure if I want to include last names for my Human characters (or even Dragon characters?).
Then, if I do include last names, what kind of structure would work best? It's not exactly a medieval setting, so last names associated with professions doesn't really fit. Most of the last names I can come up with sound far too modern.
Opinions?
Coming in sideways, so I may not have a clue and this reply may not help, but what about nicknames or their origin (not only occupation)? Reason I'm asking, same with the pesky elves ***side-note: K being an elf explains heaps! hehehe***, before the 1700's, 60% of men was named John, Thomas, and William, and 40% of women Elizabeth, Joan, and Margaret. So nicknames as well as where they were from were used, hence Black John (who may not have anything black on him at all aka Little John that was a giant) and Joan of East Tynedale would be used to differentiate between all the Johns and Elizabeths.
janet reid wrote:But seriously, I have an epic rant or three in the Romance Group going where I'm ripping books apart. It hasn't been that way before I joined this site and is only getting worse. It's gotten so bad I don't even finish them anymore ...
Oh dear! Have I made of you a participle partisan?
80% damage njc, 20% damage Amy (K doesn't feature because he goes easy on romance novels, he says) - and maybe more unleashing the participle partisan in me than anything else LOL I'm sure my siblings will be able to entertain you for hours with stories of how "pedantic" I can be if I put my mind to it! LOL
I have recently been unable to continue about three different book series because all I can think about while reading is how to write it better. o.0 Is this normal?
Yes, yes it is normal - both of us can't be the problem?!
But seriously, I have an epic rant or three in the Romance Group going where I'm ripping books apart. It hasn't been that way before I joined this site and is only getting worse. It's gotten so bad I don't even finish them anymore - and that was something I have never been able to do no matter how bad the book. Lately, it happens more often than not. o.O^2
My biggest worry is that someone else will do the same to my books. But meh, you can't please everyone, just as long as you've done your best.
DA, started my review over lunch today, plan is to finish it tmrw! So far, so good. And funny.
Hey all, how are you all?
I've been AWOL for a while. I've just finished a fun, lighthearted YA novel, plenty on fantasy and sci fi elements.
I'm unsure if this group is the best place to try and get on board with it. What i mean is, I know most of you ladies and laddets are seasoned writers and i feel my work may be too low brow.
Would you suggest trying the YA group?
Totally not offended if you send me packing.Thanks
Hey DA, wanted to review the next chapter of Casey Steel, but it looks like you don't want reviews at the moment. Does this mean the YA you're referring to is still coming and I should be patient? Thanks! Janet
I know there will be a post somewhere on here about this but my search did not find anything.
I'm about to post my first chapter from my YA novel. I see that some of my chapters are only 1200 words and other's 5000. should I try to shoogle things about to make them reasonable consistent? Also, if I' reviewing someone back who's reviewed mine and a quick check confirmed this, and their chapters are 5000 words, it does not seem fair.
Am I missing something here?Thanks
Also, if you review longer chapters, you are awarded more points, so it works out in the end.
