501 Topic by janet reid

(48 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Just had the first snow for the year. Well, what I call snow. I don't even think it was half an inch and it's already starting to melt, but it was AWESOME. I was a kid again today. I've touched snow twice in my 42 year existence before today. But I have never ever ever seen snow falling from the skies. It was AWESOME. At first, I thought, nah, it's slush. But then it became real snowflakes. And then it started to cover the roofs, lawns, streets, and everything. Everything is covered in white right now. Just in time for Christmas too!!! I'm super excited.

I also ate snow. It tastes like cold water! tongue

We're still planning to go snow hunting a couple of times over the next 2 weeks over the school holidays. Proper snow, measured in feet, not inches. With sleds, we're going snow hunting and then we're going to have fun. With sleds. whooo-hoooo! And build a snowman. We have to, right?! *high 5*

Have I mentioned how AWESOME it was?!!!!!!! It was. I'm enjoying the feeling while it lasts. smile

Go to forum: Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi

502 Reply by janet reid

(1,905 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

njc wrote:
janet reid wrote:

I'm going to step away now with the grace of a hippo. smile

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=FTlnV6_uaK4

Not those hippos though, the other ones! wink

Go to forum: Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi

503 Reply by janet reid

(1,905 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

njc wrote:

The problem with the five priests is that the sentence is overloaded.  The main topic (Tazar's traverse of the passage) is introduced, and then we have to introduce a whole 'minor premise' almost as an aside.  You could change 'five glowing speartips' in my version to 'the five priests' glowing speartips' but we've tread that point repeatedly in the story.

Amy's version of the second paragraph doesn't tell us if plug is slug is poultice, or why Tazar would chew it.  I had to guess at the connection to make it explicit.  It uses the participle for 'pulling out' as a modifier on the act of going in--a contradiction.  We're left to surmise (reasonably) that Tazar bandages the injured calf, but saying so does not break the flow.  'Supply' is a vague word with no picture.  'Roll' is specific, and provides a picture.

So if I understand this correctly, you meant aside here as an asidecar? And not only that, an asidecar the size of a mini cooper? Yeap, for sure we aren't talking of the same thing!

But irrespective of aside, asidecars or the size of the things, I didn't find it as big of an intrusion as you, I saw it as necessary from T's POV. And I think readers will unlikely find Amy's original version problematic, they will read it and read on. This isn't saying we shouldn't strive to put out the best work we can, just that there is, like with all things in life, a balance.

I'm going to step away now with the grace of a hippo. smile

Go to forum: Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi

504 Reply by janet reid

(1,905 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

njc wrote:

Let me add a thought on Janet's "It's just an aside."  A Cooper Mini is a small car, but it would be very large if you tried to use it as a motorcycle sidecar!  The result would be hideously unbalanced--unless maybe you used this motorcycle: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dodge_Tomahawk  (That's a frightening thought, actually.)

Hey! That's your "It's just an aside", not mine, you said it first!

And since I'm ruining a good friendship ... wink

Amy said "so he could see well enough to know where to place his hands for the least damage" while you changed it to "safe handholds". There's a difference. "Safe" for me is "no damage" whereas I think Amy meant "a place with least damage" which is better, but still will result in some damage, i.e. not safe in other words. Amy can correct me if I'm wrong. smile

Go to forum: Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi

505 Reply by janet reid

(1,905 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Second paragrapgh I'm not too fussed - some clarification is warranted. But on the first one I still disagree. If it's Tazza's POV, and he sees five priests holding spears with light bulbs while he's on his arse squeezing through a tight spot, that doesn't take away from the main topic at all especially because it's mentioned as an aside. Now, if Amy describe each spear, what each priest was wearing, etc etc, get the scissors.

Go to forum: Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi

506 Reply by janet reid

(1,905 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

njc wrote:

Tazar fit through the narrow passage, but it was tight. Each one of the priests had light glowing from their speartips, so he could see well enough to know where to place his hands for the least damage.

Tazar worked his way through the narrow passage.  It was a tight fit, but with the light from five glowing speartips he was able to find safe handholds.

Still not great, but a bit better.

Critter must have cut a bleeder, he thought. He limped to his pack and sat down next to it. He reached inside without looking, pulling out a supply of bandages. Using a waxy plug of poultice, he chewed the slug and then slathered the mix over his wound. He replaced Alda’s bandage with one of his own, wrapping it around his calf.

Critter must have cut a bleeder, he thought. He limped to his pack and sat down next to it. He reached inside without looking, and pulled out a roll(?) of bandages and a plug of poultice.  He chewed the waxy plug into a paste and slathered the mix over the length of his wound. He replaced Alda’s bandage with one of his own, wrapping his injured calf tightly.

Not sure if I preserved the facts ... but you see how I read them.

I'm not so sure what you're trying to achieve with these edits njc. Your changes are not really/drastically different. Dare I say this might be more a difference between your writing style/voice and Amy's?

My biggest gripe is your changes to the first example. Priests are holding the glowing spears, by cutting that, it may now come across as if five glowing spears are hovering around Tazza. Given this is magic, I'd think important to note that bit. Then again, I still need to read the chapter, so in context it might have been mentioned before and this is more of the same/repeating. But if not, someone has to be holding those spears unless they are walking by themselves.

Go to forum: Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi

507 Reply by janet reid

(1,905 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Amy, first priority is to get the first draft done. Any new writing from now on, keep this in the back of your mind and try to apply, but don't let it interrupt your flow/speed. Something like this, if you're a little bit like me, could make you go around in circles instead of forward. So try to incorporate it, but not at all cost. Easier said than done though!

Go to forum: Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi

508 Reply by janet reid

(1,905 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

If I were the type to rewrite others' stories I'd change it to: I chewed a bite of potato, savouring the unusual flavour. I needed the distraction.

I'd even think working desperately in somehow would also be good.

Go to forum: Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi

509 Reply by janet reid

(1,905 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

amy s wrote:

You just wrote that she was grilling bacon and eggs on her neck. Look at the tags:-)

LOL! But you know what I mean!!!!!

Go to forum: Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi

510 Reply by janet reid

(1,905 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Amy, in my opinion, it depends. Is the crisp overtones of bacon and the sizzling eggs important in the plot/scene or not? It could be, because Sam might been in the bush camping for 3 months with no bacon and eggs. It'd be strange if he doesn't 'notice' it. Or does Sam have a hangover and the smells make him nauseous? Or does Sam have eggs and bacon every single morning? Then, you would change the 'pleasantness' of the smell to show his underlying grudge that it's *again* effin bacon and eggs. How hungry is Sam? I can carry on. If it's not important/critical/'carrying its weight', why expand and give it so much plot space? Not important? "Same came downstairs and kissed the back of his wife's neck where she was frying bacon and eggs." In my example, for example, it's about the kiss more than the bacon and eggs. But a hungry reader or someone who didn't have bacon and eggs for breakfast in a long time would still have that saliva thing going when reading "simple" bacon and eggs.

Now, if I could only be this clever when I write my own stuff ...

Go to forum: Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi

511 Reply by janet reid

(1,905 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

njc wrote:
amy s wrote:

Hmmm. I thought it was an autocorrect of 'flossing'. What does that say about me? Not good...not good...

It just means you never visited a whaling museum.  They have one on Nantucket.

I have, in Albany WA (as in, Western Australia). I'm really going to lose my badge. yikes

Go to forum: Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi

512 Reply by janet reid

(1,905 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Review done, that chapter read EASY! smile

Go to forum: Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi

513 Reply by janet reid

(1,905 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

njc wrote:

Guarded by those poison-teeth tentacles.

Overshadowed by the teenie-weenie poison-teeth tentacles. wink

Go to forum: Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi

514 Reply by janet reid

(1,905 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

amy s wrote:

OK, the next chapter is going up. The mystery will be solved. Don't be worried, Janet. I'm getting to the goodie parts in the next one.

It must be killed first, yes? wink

Go to forum: Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi

515 Reply by janet reid

(1,905 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

njc wrote:

And who says the male mar has just two?  Put one between each pair of toothed tentacles.

hahaha, making up in numbers for the size?! Poor thing. More targets/bulls-eyes for Alda to kick. What's not to like?

Go to forum: Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi

516 Reply by janet reid

(1,905 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

No, just a violent coupling involving a blood donation.  And maybe the anti-coagulents injected, snake-tooth style, are also potentially lethal to humans ... so Alda had better be careful.  That blood/hormone transfer leaves the two addicted to each other, with predicable behavioral consequences.  It also means the the survivor won't survive for long.
Squicky enough for you and Janet?

If the mar knows he/she is going to die, it up the stakes. Heaps. Racing against time. Off the chart. Nothing to lose, you're going to die anyways? Better make it worth it and take out as many as you can in the process IMO.

Pretty good!

Go to forum: Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi

517 Reply by janet reid

(1,905 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

KHippolite wrote:
amy s wrote:

That's funny:-) I'm in the process of trying to beat the mar. All she has is an axe and barely enough strength left to walk

Why not let the mar win?

This is a klassic

Go to forum: Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi

518 Reply by janet reid

(1,905 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

http://kullskingdom.org/galleries/d/270 … xtinct.JPG

Go to forum: Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi

519 Reply by janet reid

(59 replies, posted in Romance Inc.)

Welcome to the site and the Romance Group RM! If you have any questions, post away, and we'll try to help where we can. You are also more than welcome to post topics to the Romance Group forum.

Best tip I can give you - start to review others. The site is mostly reciprocal (+- hours to weeks), so the more you review, the more you will be reviewed. The added benefit is you will also start to establish reviewing partnerships which will make your experience so much more worth your while.

Happy writing! Janet

Go to forum: Romance Inc.

520 Reply by janet reid

(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

amy s wrote:

It's like the impossible math problem Aa x Bb(C-a) + Cc  (and then a miracle happens) = Life the Universe and Everything

= 42 (just solved your impossible math problem) wink

Go to forum: Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi

521 Reply by janet reid

(1 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

Hope you have fun and heaps of success! smile

Go to forum: TheNextBigWriter Premium

522 Reply by janet reid

(520 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

amy s wrote:

So I could cover one eye with an eyepatch and memorize pirate songs, switch to the eye and sing it better? Brings new meaning to talk like a pirate day.


On a more serious note, could I read faster and retain more if I excluded one eye? Gonna have to try.

Try reading with both eyes. Now that's weird! Going back to just reading without thinking which eye(s) I'm using.

Go to forum: Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi

523 Reply by janet reid

(6 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

No probs. smile

Go to forum: TheNextBigWriter Premium

524 Reply by janet reid

(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

*hands Medieval group badge back*

Go to forum: Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi

525 Reply by janet reid

(6 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

I'll slit him from his guggle to his zatch.

I'm no Thurber expert, this is what Google said.

Go to forum: TheNextBigWriter Premium