Ms. Ye, in response to your last review reply and your difficulties in writing action,
You're going to need some action to establish jeopardy. It's a skill to be learned (says the guy who's facing a big hurdle of the same sort soon). In the visual arts, artists do studies, trying out a technique, effect, or tableau in isolation before incorporating it into their planned work. M.C.Escher left a huge number of studies, now in museums and private hands, for his major works. And the first couple of chapters I put up here were studies to see if I could reach some minimum standard.
People are attracted to YuFu's chapter, I think, because there is physical jeopardy involved, and because disaster has befallen at chapter's end.
I offer you a suggestion--or a challenge: Take YuFu's first chapter and rewrite it with just the action and implied jeopardy, absolute minimum of character and near-zero background--but with elements establishing the danger in that chapter. Put it up as a short story with an appropriate title and explain what you're trying to do. You can even put a barely illustrated outline up first. I promise to review at least three revisions. I think you'll get other reviewers as well.
I'm guessing that with some practice you can get the action and necessary background/milieu down to about 600 words. But a good first try might run about 1,300.
