Search options (Page 69 of 76)

For the next chapter, I visualize developing the pregnant wife as a MC.  I think it would be interesting to have her help solve the murder, getting Ledbetter involved as she gets in trouble and needs to be saved. As to what killed her husband, I haven't a clue. There aren't any limits on the story other than being set in late 1940s to mid 1950s.

Hope you feel better.

Suggest that you don't just revise. To use your new skills, read a chapter and then close the page. Only then should you rewrite to avoid the 'old you mistakes'. Once the revision is acceptable, go back to the prior version and add whatever fits in.

Except this requires a lot more Kirsey and Forsa moments, and they're not at the top of the list of most interesting characters in book 1.

K: this doesn't need Forsa moments.  Merran and Jamen see him lifting a cookpot to the stove.  Later, Merran debates using sorcery to flip a piece of rock, but decides this is too much for her.  Later, another character sees Kirsey pulling a coat over his shoulder with sorcery and comments that is a good way to spare his arthritic shoulder.  Then Kirsey does the flip movement with the books and Forsa realizes he is way outclassed by this casual use of power.  Then the reader realizes the extent of Kirsey's ability but the MC (Merran and Jamen) do not. 

A

OK, I think I've had an epiphany because of your writing.  At the very least, I have a new rule to follow as I write. 

If you reveal info, you have to explain what the characters might or might know in that place and time.  The example you provided is Kirsey telling Forsa that the Sundering was excluded from regular curriculum  This is a key fact in your plot.  It has to have more detail rather than being glossed over.  Kirsey needs to say that he thinks at least half of adult-level sorcerers don't know or care much about this critical event.  (Academy trained vs. home-schooled.)  He might go into saying that this kind of sorcery could accidently repeat since these spells are scattered throughout multiplte texts. 

Explain the dread.  Explain the danger.  (At least from Kirsey's POV.)

Next thought is that an ability can't be minimized once it is revealed.  (Ex: Kirsey moving the books)  This sorcerer is unconscious of his ability.  He uses it for organization and everyday life.  Because you've revealed this, you need to go back to other Kirsey moments and have him levitating to cook, clean, and dress.  This can't be the first place this is revealed since this is a key moment to the reader (where the extent of Kirsey's ability is defined)  You don't have to add much, but each prior Kirsey moment needs a small incident that culminates in the reader seeing that this isn't normal.  (As defined by Forsa)

With this, I've added another personal rule.  (This isn't something brought on by your work...just my musings)  When a prop is added, it needs to be utilized correctly.  Ex: Red Riding Hood skips through the forest and trips over a rock.  It always seems to trip her, no matter what she does.  Later, she is being chased by the Wolf through the woods.  She has to trip on the rock, despite the fact that my plot indicates she needs to make it to grandma's house.  Otherwise, I need to eliminate the rock as a prop because I'm not following my own rules.  (Even though I might like the rock and have a really great scene written about it).

What about mid-King?  The translation would still be accurate this way.  What are the welsh words for high, middle and low/lesser?  Just curious.  Are there other translations for these words that you might use?

For anyone out there, I've completed another story about my autistic son called 'the Satchel'. It's a simple read-only a page...for those who might be interested.

A

*cough* Oh, I'm much better than before.  I put a short story up called "The Satchel"  It's short.  Only a page long.  At least I got to sit in front of a keyboard for a while.  These holidays haven't been very good for typing.  At all. 

A

Rhi as a pleural sounds like a name to me.  However, I like the idea of changing lord to Rhi.  If you added their name after, it would distinguish between them. 

Most American fantasy readers will understand 'High King' as a title because of Arthur.  Middle and Lesser King is cumbersome (so I agree with you on that)

Is there a comparable term for 'Middle King'?  Otherwise, could you call them magesties or something like that?

FYI, I like how you've given examples in the story to put this choice in perspective.

Janet, Washington State is a little piece of heaven.  Seattle is a lot of fun but expensive and the highways are awful.  Other than that, it rains lightly all day, has a very regular climate and you can ski nearly all the months of the year (because of the mountains).  Good luck on getting the job transfer.  I think you'd love the States.

I'm trying to summon the energy to write.  This flu has been kicking me around.  I'm ready to feel well again.  Really.

Second, if there was someone 'inside' the Wolves at the Earthwound, we're running out of suspects, but ... what about that ring Airen wears

(I promise you this.  The 'insider' is part of the backstory.  It ties into everything that is happening with the necromancers, the assassination attempts on Kha, Jaylene's issues with the Horrors, Airen's nightmares, the crypt, the mage schools, Faulter, Sosol, and Zyrtec.  However, it isn't the ring.  Part of the mystery will fall in place with Melody.  Maybe I'll do her part as a short story and you can tell me where it fits in.)

Janet,

I feel that I'm at about a third to fifth grade level in my writing.  I've seen big improvement since starting at this site, but I'm not going into 'middle school' until I get better at revision.  Graduation means publishing, and I'm not ready for that in the least.  You are always your own worst critic.  Be willing to give yourself a break. :-)

A