Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi → The Sorcerer's Progress
Oh, the three-way pigeon flasher. Not the main flasher. When the batteries run low it will provide one bright red flash every six seconds. Otherwise, when the phone is connected and on-hook, one very brief flash every 25 seconds or so; when the phone is off-hook, it will be a yellow flash instead, every 25 seconds (roughly).
Not working yet.
An interesting little design whose flash rate changes little over a wide range of supply voltages.
As Amy notes in her last review, there's a lot to be revealed. Speaking of which, the chapter 80 under Book Two might also be interesting.
I have another sketch of a future chapter with Pike. I may put it up as I rassle with Erevain's chapters.
I can't leave it in this state, and besides, the polishing practice (okay, grinding practice) will help me need less of it when I move forward again.
I have to have a lot more worked out before I call Book 1 finished.
I have to agree with K. (Chokes) I'm realizing what I forgot because I'm writing a lot of the series at the same time.
OK, I think I've had an epiphany because of your writing. At the very least, I have a new rule to follow as I write.
If you reveal info, you have to explain what the characters might or might know in that place and time. The example you provided is Kirsey telling Forsa that the Sundering was excluded from regular curriculum This is a key fact in your plot. It has to have more detail rather than being glossed over. Kirsey needs to say that he thinks at least half of adult-level sorcerers don't know or care much about this critical event. (Academy trained vs. home-schooled.) He might go into saying that this kind of sorcery could accidently repeat since these spells are scattered throughout multiplte texts.
Explain the dread. Explain the danger. (At least from Kirsey's POV.)
Next thought is that an ability can't be minimized once it is revealed. (Ex: Kirsey moving the books) This sorcerer is unconscious of his ability. He uses it for organization and everyday life. Because you've revealed this, you need to go back to other Kirsey moments and have him levitating to cook, clean, and dress. This can't be the first place this is revealed since this is a key moment to the reader (where the extent of Kirsey's ability is defined) You don't have to add much, but each prior Kirsey moment needs a small incident that culminates in the reader seeing that this isn't normal. (As defined by Forsa)
With this, I've added another personal rule. (This isn't something brought on by your work...just my musings) When a prop is added, it needs to be utilized correctly. Ex: Red Riding Hood skips through the forest and trips over a rock. It always seems to trip her, no matter what she does. Later, she is being chased by the Wolf through the woods. She has to trip on the rock, despite the fact that my plot indicates she needs to make it to grandma's house. Otherwise, I need to eliminate the rock as a prop because I'm not following my own rules. (Even though I might like the rock and have a really great scene written about it).
Well, it's nice to be useful, if only in parading my mistakes so people can see them.
Kirsey doesn't know why The Academy wants to erase history. He does know that (a) it's a bad idea generally (look at all the mistake-lessons you lose!) and (b) the Academy is full of people who make wolves look like good company.
This is an ensemble story, with a lot of threads starting.
Pengrit isn't comic relief. She's a rescue.
Kirsey and Pike are going to be two power figures, but they each have their limits. Kirsey has abilities I haven't hinted at, but he's a lousy healer, for want of practice. I'm debating having him get a lesson from Merran or even Jamen.
Do you want to parade my mistakes? There are so many that I don't know where to start, but I'll try if you wish.
About Kirsey not knowing why the Academy wants to erase history...let him conjecture at least. Or let him say that he is bewildered and doesn't have a clue. Just let us understand this from his POV.
Except this requires a lot more Kirsey and Forsa moments, and they're not at the top of the list of most interesting characters in book 1.
K: this doesn't need Forsa moments. Merran and Jamen see him lifting a cookpot to the stove. Later, Merran debates using sorcery to flip a piece of rock, but decides this is too much for her. Later, another character sees Kirsey pulling a coat over his shoulder with sorcery and comments that is a good way to spare his arthritic shoulder. Then Kirsey does the flip movement with the books and Forsa realizes he is way outclassed by this casual use of power. Then the reader realizes the extent of Kirsey's ability but the MC (Merran and Jamen) do not.
A
Amy, your mistakes are tiny scuff marks. Don't bother. I fear that in trying to polish one thing, you'll gut another.
Now, Merran and Jamen have yet to meet Kirsey. Don't worry about that yet. I'm considering an inversion soon after it happens.
I've got too much to improve early on. The later stuff you say reads well avoids all my writing weaknesses.
I've been needing far too much sleep lately, so I think I've been fighting off a bug. Just what I need when the deeps of winter are two weeks early. (I also got a nasty nerve pinch affecting my left leg, result of unhappy muscles in my hip. It's getting better after a 6-day triangular course of prednisone and ten days on a mid-strength NSAID. I'm using a cane, and relearning balance with every change--in other words, about every second day.)
I'm working now on another 'later' segment. There are some continuity conflicts with the Pike-Kirsey sketch, but they are fixable. I imagined it a while ago and I'd like to get it committed to bits.
Then, if the TNBW problems get fixed, I'll put things in order and get on with Erevain.
Right now I have to get back to some SMD MLCCs. It's my first time handling them and it's not going well. They're supposed to be reflowed, but it looks like I'll have to buy some paste solder.
Hope you feel better.
Suggest that you don't just revise. To use your new skills, read a chapter and then close the page. Only then should you rewrite to avoid the 'old you mistakes'. Once the revision is acceptable, go back to the prior version and add whatever fits in.
There's not as much new skill as you think.
Some parts will have to be big rewrites. Don't worry: I'm not a slave to previous versions.
When I have Erevain's episode in better shape, you can tell me how much better I'm doing.
I'm hoping that the reordering bug will be fixed in a day or so and I can fix the mess that is Book 1 and get to work on Erevain. In the meantime I have another prospective future Pike chapter to type up. This one has some continuity problems with the one out there now, but it's all fixable. (This one is earlier.)
Okay, I've done an edit pass over that chapter, called The Observatory. It's now sitting in Book II. Amy, I'd really like to know if you like the power moments.
I read the earlier version of 78 before you posted the revision. I'm on it.
Not a bad guess on Pike's crime. Quite close, actually. (Claps hands in delight.) I caught a klew!
I think I need to be more encouraging than I've been. You've got a great story. You (like all of us) just need to put it into words so that others can see how cool your world is. You've made steady and upward progress with few setbacks. I see some of the few stumbles as a communication issue. Ex: I'm a patterner who reads people really well. You're a patterner who looks at numbers and physics as tactile truths that show the marvel of the universe.
Right now, you're learning a set of skills that are bigger than just writing. In addition, you are stretching your writing skills to a whole new level. Who has the bigger arc on their learning curve? (Points finger at you)
So as I critique your power moments, I'm impressed that you are finally mentioning them. There was a dearth of power moments in the first book since Merran wasn't properly trained. As far as I'm concerned, Pike's scrying device is the first visual of what the Atlas explains in writing. It is showing movement between worlds instead of just talking about portals or entry points. Once again, you have a great concept. What I'm looking for is a strong connection between Pike's scrying search and Merran seeing a physical representation/ example of everything she's ever learned. Perhaps this would be like seeing a number puzzle in 3-D for the first time. I'm hoping for an epiphany.
In other words, let Merran's precocious nature lead her to truths beyond just watching pictures travel past a pool of water. This isn't about giving away clues. This is about a sorcerer growing in a way that she never thought possible. Make this about more than Shrogan's abuse of children. Let her see into the nature of these multiple worlds and prelude an understanding about the Sundering.
Give this a shot and then you'll blow me away. See how much deeper the rabbit hole can go?
Although I don't want those changes to go too fast, or Merran will be Behira long before the story is done.
In a couple of days I can get back to reworking Erevain.
Oh, if you don't mind saying, how much difference did the revisions make?
I'm guessing that the stressful conversation worked. And Quoodle here discloses all things that Quoodle can ...
Big difference and noticible improvement because there are critiques that I was going to mention that didn't need to be brought up
3-way Pigeon Flasher is working. The timing isn't quite what I would like, and the flash rate is a bit more voltage-sensitive than I would like, but it's good enough. Only, right now I have a bunch of components whose values I adjusted with parts in parallel. I need to get the equivalent values.
The input control circuits are working, but I have a layer of driver circuit to test before I can say the switching logic is working. Then I can put it together with the rest of the circuit and see if it all works together.
After that, it's all physical design, including the possibility of putting a lot of SMD capacitors in parallel to make up the main energy reserve for the big flasher (to reduce the voltage drop during the flash pulse). (It won't be cheap, but it will save other complications.) So far, I'm not doing well with SMD. I have some paste solder on order, and smaller tips for my soldering pencil. We'll see. These caps are about 2x2x3.5 mm, and 49.9 cents in quantity 100. I may end up using 20+ in each box, and the price break will make it cheaper to buy 100 than the 70+ that I would need.
Biggest open question is mounting the small LEDs (on the pigeon flasher). I may just put them through holes and epoxy them; they have neaar 180-degree radiation. Second biggest is mounting the big LED, which has a nice diffusion lens that makes it far more visible.
I will have another demand on my time. I have to brush up on new C++ developments.
I'm working now on the meeting with Erevain. What do you think about making the character female? I'm not actually flirting with the idea, but I am trying to see if it would be believable, and how it might affect the future arc(s).
Lurymants prefer large, tough things. An old bull might make a good meal, with something left over. What is this with you wanting to leave a trail of dead characters wherever my protagonists go? That's what the bad guys are supposed to do!
He likes killing off characters. That way, they don't complicate his plot. Truth.
Uemiska is doing the job she was sent to do, reuniting a family. She does it faithfully and at personal cost. And you want to kill her off for it?
The lurymants are an inversion. They are a huge inversion.
Go read the chapter now sitting in Book 1 called The Child and the Beast.
Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi → The Sorcerer's Progress
