1,476

(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

I think everyone is taking a hiatus while Janet moves to the U.S. I just consider it to be like a lull in the conversation. We'll pick this up again soon. 

A

1,477

(17 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Here is another thought. I like the idea that there are always two voices in Runk's head. IE Runk plus the random murdered Preases of the day. Establish three or four other personalities to mess with Runk. Give each one ability. Ex...one person could make him stutter. One could make rink'so back itch in a place he can't reach. One of the most powerful might be able to use Runks hand and make him drop things.

Just a random thought, but there is a lot of humorous potential here!

1,478

(3 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Are you going to stay in Seattle and explore or are you going straight to the new homestead?

1,479

(17 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Nicole,

Another thought...establish your villain in the beginning. If Runk has multiple personality disorder, then make sure this appears from the start. Have Runk argue with himself and let Skrune hear one of the Preases that Skrune knew. While Runk is dominant, he would still be fighting off the other awareness in his head.

1,480

(3 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Fly safe.  Try to keep your kids from getting into a food fight on the airplane.  When you reach the US, make sure you have suits so the kids can use the pool.  And ENJOY YOUR LONG WEEKEND!

1,481

(3 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

My hero!

1,482

(3 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

I was writing online and my computer was disconnected from the host.  It was only a page, but half an hour's work was lost.  Could the site automatically save on new material every five or ten minutes or so?  The online option of writing isn't an option if it loses my work again.  Is this possible?

Thanks,

A

1,483

(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Found it.  Missing closing quotes.  This isn't the same person talking in a different paragraph. 

"Yes.  It was morning when-- before we got here.  We got here in the afternoon.  We saw a horse and followed it this way. (")
"A horse?" the stranger said, his gaze blank.

1,484

(520 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Glass houses, children :-)

1,485

(520 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Not true.  She gets a lot 'o lovin' from the big guy.

1,486

(17 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

I've been reviewing this fantasy-children's book for over a year.  Nio16 fell off the grid because no one reciped except me.  She joined our group, so we have one more in our midst (evil laugh).  Make her feel at home, peeps!

1,487

(520 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Punny:-)

1,488

(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

I used to have problems with italics and now I don't (since the new site came up)  I would have to assume it is because the new site is more Mac friendly.  This has to be a programming bias.

Oh, I'll check out Erevain tonight if the masses don't crash too many cars.  It's a weekend but the winter lull is still in effect.  Optimism is high.

A

1,489

(520 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Mrs. Blue in the dining room, with the knife...

Sounds like Clue.

1,490

(11 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Life is pain.  Reviewing is pain.  Reviewing K's material is REALLY a pain :-)

1,491

(520 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Great point :-)

1,492

(11 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

I've rewritten the first chapter of Acts at least ten times. 

The first time someone told me that I would probably have so many attempts, I was SO discouraged.  I think my thoughts included, "Are you f***ing kidding me?"  Since then, I've rewritten Acts twice and I know that I'm still not done.  Each time I rewrite, the product gets cleaner, the story gets tighter, and I sprinkle clues from the other books into this one.  In the meantime, I thinned my chapters to 3-4 thousand words, eliminated a lot of beginner mistakes, worked on my order issues, etc. 

When I go back and read the first draft, I realize that it had a great story hidden within a lot of crap.  Version 2 and Version 3 were all about learning how to write.  I have a few more tools than I did before. 

That said, I agree with Karin.  Get your first draft down on paper before going back and rewriting Chapters 1-11.  I've seen a lot of people stall as they rewrite over and over.  Review people who you admire. Read what people said about their work. Use that as a springboard off theirr learning curve.

Hope this helps.

A

1,493

(520 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

As to the torch, just have one of the louns carrying a lit but shuttered lantern.  Then you have a ready source of fire, as well as a quick look to see C's injury.  That way, M's soldiers don't have torches in a row, a marker that would identify them as reivers instead of the good guys.

Another Collin short is up on the site.  This one is called 'A Sensory Mind'.  I'm gonna run out of ideas pretty soon, but until then, I'm writing!

1,495

(520 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Remember, it's your world.  Whatever you say, goes!

I know, free time is at a premium for me as well.  Let me know as soon as Erevain gets posted and I'll steal some time.  Looking forward to the read!

A

I'll take a look.

A

1,498

(520 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

her gown sleeve and her cloak sleeve make for multiple sleeves per arm?  I'll see if I can't change the sleeves just to be safe though (I don't visualize a cloak as something with sleeves.  By definition, that would be a coat.  (unless you know something about English clothing that I don't.  Besides, woven wool AND a dress sleeve to go through...I don't know if the arrow would score her that badly.  Either way, I would expect the shaft to get caught in the fabric)

she had to belief she’ll make it to alston.(no clue where this is. is it the hamlet? not sure if i've seen this name before.)
***  I wasn't sure about this one - it's a town closest to the hamlet - given you have a "problem", I'll see what I can do (Just mention the name of the town earlier and put it in relation to the hamlet)

either the messenger was mistaken or the messenger’s lordship was (mention c's brother by name and implicate him here.)
***  This means I'm introducing Matthew, Henry, George and Anthony (not too many?) - if not, then I'll also have to make sure the connection between Anthony and Catherine is clearly stated here (Just state 'C's brother' instead of a name, then.  The key thing is to have the reader realize that C's brother sent the false message for help.  'Lordship' isn't clear enough because the reader isn't used to the titles yet)

He has, but they have never touched and he didn't "realise" until now she has grown up really nicely ...  As you've also mentioned, they would've seen each other at C's father funeral - is this too hard to believe? (Just mention that C was dressed in mourning clothes and face smudged with crying...either way, it is a good teaching moment because you can go into funerals and what that involves.  Also, this would be a chance for the villain to get a mention...)

This is after a defense is in place and George had "found" the attacker, so the torch should be okay?(George 'found' a trail but no attacker.  The person is assumed gone but could easily double back and finish the job.  Don't let the characters feel safe until a roof is over their heads.  Remember the Reivers.  No one is safe at night in these wild lands.  Oh, feel free to use that line if you feel it appropriate)  NO TORCH PLEASE.  Also note that the weather is rainy and humid.  A torch would have to be started by a flint and stone.  Not a very reliable source of fire.  Also note that the flame would obscure the night vision of everyone, making it harder to see if the upcoming trail is safe.  To prove it to yourself, walk along a dark path in the woods on a night with no moon.  Then take out a flashlight, point it to the upcoming path, and try to see as far into the trees.

Hope not.  So far, I'm still thinking of ideas and have at least two more shorts that might see the light of day.

A

Copy that :-)

I'm on the same page, brother.