Northern Skies - Janet! (Page 6 of 21)

Let me know if you can't see/find them, I've only activated the ones that you and bimmy still want to review!
Thanks a mill!

Is the horse still trotting?  Not much talking going to happen above a walk.

Unless it's a gaited horse. Are there gaited Scottish horses? Hmmmm....

So Janet either gets to have C grilled for information or M gets to bruise her tailbone before the action even starts.  (Grins wickedly)

****I thought sci-fi had a lot of rules, but nope, romance tops it easily!****

I think the major rule with the romance genre is that romance/the love story has to be the majority of the book (at least 50%). Other than that, everything is fair game. Write what you want.

Also, thanks for the support!  And that last bit of advice, it's on-board!

ps - your last chapter was 100% what romance readers expect to see BTW!

nits (because you asked for some)
*** and because I knew I've missed a few with the rewrite no matter how many times you read the darn thing! 

if I don't mention something, it means it will be changed as per your review 

warm blood soaked her sleeves. (sleeve-singular- unless c got shot through both arms.)
***  her gown sleeve and her cloak sleeve make for multiple sleeves per arm?  I'll see if I can't change the sleeves just to be safe though

she had to belief she’ll make it to alston.(no clue where this is. is it the hamlet? not sure if i've seen this name before.)
***  I wasn't sure about this one - it's a town closest to the hamlet - given you have a "problem", I'll see what I can do

either the messenger was mistaken or the messenger’s lordship was (mention c's brother by name and implicate him here.)
***  This means I'm introducing Matthew, Henry, George and Anthony (not too many?) - if not, then I'll also have to make sure the connection between Anthony and Catherine is clearly stated here ...

familiar eyes, wide and flooding in tears, the usually sky-blue pools dark, met his when she lifted her chin(this makes it sound like m has seen c since she became an adult. the impression would be shocked recognition after remembering a bratty teen)
***  He has, but they have never touched and he didn't "realise" until now she has grown up really nicely ...  As you've also mentioned, they would've seen each other at C's father funeral - is this too hard to believe?

forget the torch! there is an armed attacker out there. why would they give him a target to shoot at?
***  This is after a defense is in place and George had "found" the attacker, so the torch should be okay?

as much as he wanted immediate answers, he’d have to tend to catherine’s injury first. (nope. he'd alert the other guards. they don't know there is an archer out there.)
***  George is on it! 

their families had been friends and allies for as long he could remember. (this confuses me since m hasn't seen c since she was young. if they were close allies, wouldn't m have been to the former aiden's funeral?)
***  would it be clearer if I add something like he didn't pick up on any problems at the funeral or some such?

Thanks, you've really made some brilliant suggestions (as always!) 

her gown sleeve and her cloak sleeve make for multiple sleeves per arm?  I'll see if I can't change the sleeves just to be safe though (I don't visualize a cloak as something with sleeves.  By definition, that would be a coat.  (unless you know something about English clothing that I don't.  Besides, woven wool AND a dress sleeve to go through...I don't know if the arrow would score her that badly.  Either way, I would expect the shaft to get caught in the fabric)
--  blonde moment where my fingers and my brain disconnected - I was referring to a doublet used by females for riding, similar to the male version, just without the eyelets to attach breeches; on second thought, she would probably be wearing a shirt underneath over her chemise, but I don't want to have readers get drowned in details, so I'm going to change "sleeves" to something else to be safe
--  the arrow getting caught in the fabric:  it would depend on the arrow; I've changed tact assuming the bad guy would be using an arrow that could pierce armour, and I doubt fabric not designed for the purpose would be much of a problem

she had to belief she’ll make it to alston.(no clue where this is. is it the hamlet? not sure if i've seen this name before.)
***  I wasn't sure about this one - it's a town closest to the hamlet - given you have a "problem", I'll see what I can do (Just mention the name of the town earlier and put it in relation to the hamlet)
--  yep, that would be the way to go!  :-)

either the messenger was mistaken or the messenger’s lordship was (mention c's brother by name and implicate him here.)
***  This means I'm introducing Matthew, Henry, George and Anthony (not too many?) - if not, then I'll also have to make sure the connection between Anthony and Catherine is clearly stated here (Just state 'C's brother' instead of a name, then.  The key thing is to have the reader realize that C's brother sent the false message for help.  'Lordship' isn't clear enough because the reader isn't used to the titles yet)
--  sounds easy enough!

He has, but they have never touched and he didn't "realise" until now she has grown up really nicely ...  As you've also mentioned, they would've seen each other at C's father funeral - is this too hard to believe? (Just mention that C was dressed in mourning clothes and face smudged with crying...either way, it is a good teaching moment because you can go into funerals and what that involves.  Also, this would be a chance for the villain to get a mention...)
--  mmmm, will see what I can do!

This is after a defense is in place and George had "found" the attacker, so the torch should be okay?(George 'found' a trail but no attacker.  The person is assumed gone but could easily double back and finish the job.  Don't let the characters feel safe until a roof is over their heads.  Remember the Reivers.  No one is safe at night in these wild lands.  Oh, feel free to use that line if you feel it appropriate)  NO TORCH PLEASE.
--  you would be the best person to confirm whether they would be able to check her wound without a torch, remember it's overcast and only bits of moonlight breaks through every so often ...

Also note that the weather is rainy and humid.  A torch would have to be started by a flint and stone.  Not a very reliable source of fire.  Also note that the flame would obscure the night vision of everyone, making it harder to see if the upcoming trail is safe.  To prove it to yourself, walk along a dark path in the woods on a night with no moon.  Then take out a flashlight, point it to the upcoming path, and try to see as far into the trees.
--  in the next chapter, they will be lighting torches galore before they get going; it's also been used by reivers to display their numbers and install fear in those watching them approach (yeah, sometimes they didn't do it all that stealthy, the arrogant bastards!);  Matthew has a enough men to feel safe, as much as I know where you're coming from to keep the tension up
--  also, they grew up in the rain and humidity, surely they can light a torch if need be by now ...

It feels to me as if I'm being difficult here on a few points ... not my intent at all, but you probably know me by now and is ok with this and know that whether I agree or disagree, I appreciate it equally!

Thanks!
xx

But keep me on my toes! I'm not writing fantasy (yet)?!

My logical mind kicks in with the light at night. Catherine has just traveled through the dark without a light. How wussy does that make the 'men' for needing a light? You don't have to provide the 'how' of the light, only state that you have a light. All Michael has to say is 'bring a light,' and his men/man brings one. The reader doesn't need to know what kind of effort is involved with the light, why there's light, because it really doesn't matter. Who ever has the light is the target for the archer because they would be painting a bulls-eye on themselves. Keep insignificant things generic. For all we know, they are close to the village and lit a torch from a burning fire. When going into a fight (which is what they were anticipating), the men aren't going to stop and grab a lantern.

These guys know the terrain and area really well, so don't need torches when they're on the move (no lanterns, they used torches when they were travelling in large numbers and couldn't give a shit about being seen - to be exact, I've read and seen pics with torches and without, but their ability to move in darkness is legendary). 

I have never attempted to treat a wound in sporadic moonlight, but I imagine since Matthew has covered the hills to the left, and the right, and is also surrounded by a number of men, he'd rather be able to see what he's doing to help Catherine.  He doesn't need for a torch for any other reason.  And as Philisha says, he can just do it, there is no need to give lengthy explanations on the how and the why.  So I'm going to keep that as is with the Nike slogan in my head.

When they start moving again, neither do they need torches to return home, they got there just fine without.  But I really like the way I've described the light - some of my best work I say.  True!  (just kidding, but I seriously like it).  Ah well, will keep it in the goodies bag for another time.

So I hope we're all good and Matthew isn't a wuss anymore!

Yeah, but look at the characters you write!  Mrs. Blue, on the roof, with the sniper rifle.  She belongs in an Allstate commercial: when Mayhem goes on vacation ...