1,451

(74 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Here's what I'm thinking about.  It's a spoiler for my upcoming chapter but I think its fun enough to share anyway.  If I were to turn this in for this contest, I'd be looking for a better ending, but you'll get the idea.

Katerin stepped from the carriage at the sound of her name.  The train of her silver dress followed her down the step and onto the ground.  She twisted and lifted the train with a wrist strap, watching it flare in a perfect semi-circle.

The crowd within the stadium pounded on their seats, clapped, and hooted in approval.  A quick glance at the masses was all she could afford.  More than half the city was here, watching her. 

Showtime.  Katerin found her mark by the stone steps leading up to her podium.  She took a deep breath and felt her heartbeat slow.  It was time to perform.  She couldn’t think of anything but the performance.  Not the danger.  Not the risk of discovery.  She had to be ready to move despite the rush of power that was about to smack her between the shoulder blades. 

Holding arms out from her side, Katerin waited until there was a lull in the noise.  Her hands lifted like a conductor, and she gave the signal to the members of her school where they arrayed in an even semi-circle, waiting in the stands.  The wand against her forearm warmed as it reacted to the focused power of all the students in her school. 

The Keynote.  That was the name Katerin had for this wand.  Carved from the heartwood of a dead mage’s staff, it could gather and tune the wands of every student who carried a piece of the same tree’s sapwood.  No one in Katerin’s school had been a mage born to their power.  Instead, each and every student had been made, forced into a mold that served the wand in Katerin’s hand. 

The first time she organized a concerted effort from all the students, Katerin had nearly fainted from the rush of power.  No wonder the recently deceased and unmourned Mistress Alina had insisted on grand shows and spectacles to be performed several times a year. 

Was this what it was like to be a god?  Katerin had to wonder as she stood with her arms outstretched and looked up to the sky.  She turned her head to the side, following a predetermined cue. 

Magic swirled around her dress, heavier than the material.  Wings peeled away from the arm, lifting into the air as individual feathers came into view.  An illusionary hawk preened on Katerin’s arm, turning to look her in the eye. 

Silver light glittered across the bird’s delicate shoulders.  So close to the illusion, Katerin could see the crowd through the empty eye sockets.  Delicate threads of her dress fabric were visible along the bird’s breastbone.  Sunlight flared on the hawk’s crest, amplified by another student who specialized in the multiple ways to refract light. 

The dress patched itself, threads repairing the hole as if it never existed. 

Katerin launched the bird into the air.  Light as a feather, the hawk flapped and gained altitude, circling around the stadium.  The students controlling the bird’s flight had it soar over the upraised hands of onlookers.

A single voice began to sing, pure and holy as it echoed against the stone walls of the stadium. 

The crowd hushed, realizing there was more to this show than merely a bird. 

Katerin began to take slow steps up the stone walkway. 

With the students concentrating on her every movement, Katerin could see through their eyes.  The dress rippled behind her, fabric wafting in an invisible breeze.  She continued to hold out her arms as a flurry of tinier birds fluttered from the train and lifted into the air.  Restless and unsettled, the flock could be heard chirping and scolding each other. 

A flurry of birds separated from the dress and fluttered up to rest on Katerin’s outstretched arms.  A light brush of silk let her know that one was in her hair. 

She took another step up the stair.  The birds lifted en masse and swarmed to the sky, brighter than the sun. 

Lighter than before, Katerin’s dress unleashed flight of creations in the shape of butterflies.  The skirt split, revealing both legs to the hip.  Her garment was by now was only single swathe of fabric, looped around her right shoulder and falling to her left hip.  The other free end of fabric fell between her legs, flaring out behind to supply the train.  A skin-colored undergarment protected her dignity but left few details to the imagination. 

Hand signals brought the hawk nearer, flaring as it hovered above the smaller birds. 

Katerin reached the top of her stairway.  She brought her extended arms together and slapped her palms together in a point.  By now, the dress was completely different, transparent and shimmering behind her back in wings that floated like a creature of myth. 

The singing swelled louder, lifting to a climax.

The bird on her hair pulled the pins and released Katerin’s elaborate braid, allowing her blonde hair free from its bonds.  She pointed to the illusionary hawk and then slashed her arm in the direction of the flock of small birds. 

The crowd howled, anticipating a sacrifice. 

The hawk stooped and dropped, targeting its prey.  Emerging with a silver victim in its talons, the bird returned to Katerin’s outstretched arm and dropped the prey into her hand. 

The bird settled and then disappeared in a glittering mist.  When Katerin could be seen again, her arm was covered by the silver fabric once more.  Each one of the birds came back to roost on her arms and shoulders, returning home despite her power over their lives.  Each creation disappeared, weaving themselves into the dress as if they’d never been.

1,452

(74 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

It looks like Sol is doing these contests to stimulate the groups.  If there are only one or two contestants in our group, why not participate?  Fewer people to compete against means a better chance to win.  If only one person tries, then they get dinner courtesy of Sol. 

I think this is a great chance for us to learn from each other.  I don't write about magic in the same way as Judy.  Your style is drastically different from NJC.  Bims has a gift at tying the plot into the power use.  Janet is great at the terminology of battle and armor (something I love to read)  (Etc, etc, etc)  Each person in this group is great at different parts of the picture.  If you rolled us all into one package, we'd be invincible. 

I love the idea of being able to use this material later in our books.  We aren't wasting our time in a pointless exercise.  We're writing something that will be used in the near future. 

Give me a sec.  Lets see if I can steal the time for a quick blurb on Kat's dress.
A

1,453

(74 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

It is for members of the group only, so it makes sense to post it here.  We can either post it on this link or in our portfolios. I'd rather do it here so we don't have to spend points to post. Any other thoughts on this? If the posts stay on this link then no one needs to read it unless they care to participate. But this way, we'll all be able to learn and critique in a group forum. At the end, I'll read the whole discussion over again. People will be able to revise before posting, letting me know they are ready for judging by putting 'final version' on the header of their last rewrite.

Does this sound fair?  Please note this has to be new material and not anything I've read before.

1,454

(74 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Sil has offered a $50 prize for a contest within our group!

So a nice dinner out or a free month of your electric bill. The winner gets to choose.

Here is my tentative rules.

1) content due by 4/15 (in honor of tax day)
2) max word ct of 1000 words
3) I'm excluding myself from the contest and I will be the judge.
4) material must include a big 'power moment.'  Make my jaw drop. For those of you doing historical fiction, this can include a battle, or an example of physical prowess. (No sex...sorry to those of you thinking along those lines)
5) you may use pre-established characters from your books. I want these short stories to be useful in later works.
6) I'll try to give an example of what I'm looking for. More to be included soon.

Any takers?
A

I don't think that is a problem.  Magic in my world is like electricity.  Copper allows the electrical charge to flow more easily.  Therefore, the roof heals more quickly.  In the case of the 'great glowing gob of golden goo,' that particular plant is Behira-philic/phobic.  It preys on the priesthood.  Remember that all monsters used to be human.  There is a residual memory in the plant and it HATES anything to do with Behira.  However, the catacombs are full of the charge of Behira's energy. 

Just as humans can tolerate a certain amount of copper in their diet, this plant can tolerate a priest or two.  (It doesn't kill them.  It merely preserves the victim until the symbiote can arrive and retrieve the victim.)  However, drop a vine (the equivalent of a high-tension wire) into the plant, and it can't live through the charge. 

Is the engineer in you satisfied?

Judy, here's how to see new posts

Hit the name of your desired group (ex. Medieval fantasy and Magic). On the selection bar you'll see 'home/setup' and then 'forum'. Hit the forum button and then you'll see small squares on the left before each topic. Those are the topics with in-viewed posts.

1,457

(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Oh, I haven't forgotten you.  Just been busy, but your chapter 3 is on my dance card.

Not desperate enough.  Curious.  I wouldn't force a handedness in Collin.  1) It wouldn't work  2) It wouldn't work. 

However, I'm wondering if his ambidexterity would allow him to 'play' with using his right instead of L hand to write.  And I'm wondering how he would do on his vocabulary after using that different part of his brain. 

Hmmm.

Arrrgh!  I'm stuck on Mandates as I slowly visualize the theatrics of Katerin's dress and the show that the mages will put on when they take their places to make the shield.  this is harder because it's a new chapter instead of just a rewrite.  I could probably do a quick chapter of Dictates in between, but I'm putting it off to make myself finish this b***h. 

I also had a big weekend at the local waterpark with the kids.  Kinda took a lot out of me.  Let's see if I can get something on the site within the next three days.  I just need to write something down and accept that it'll get better in the rewrite. 

Eh, at least I figured out Katerin's dress. 

OK, let's see what I can come up with. 

K, I notice that you were typically vague.  However, you called Kwan, 'It.'  Naughty, K.  Naughty.


A

He either has an alternate personality disorder or a gal who inspired Kwan who hops on his computer and embarrasses him. I'm leaning toward the former since he has admitted getting into arguments at Burger King with himself and losing. Either way, he likes being mysterious so he'll likely not answer this directly.

'S OK.  We like him anyway. Warts and all.

XXOO

1,461

(1,528 replies, posted in Fantasy/Magic & Sci-Fi)

Chapter 3 of the first version? Clarify...

not that kind of book, though I suppose somebody in the MC lineup is gay. Gotta think on that one.

I'll correct the bit about Katerina knowing the layout of Kha's rooms. That is a continuity glitch.

Love that you love Katerin. I think Anver is hot, so he has at least one fan.

The snickering knife has a place. I haven't forgotten it. Just to ask...what story after Alina's death?  The necromancer?

I'm keeping Rubat as a 'player to be named later'.  I don't have a definite plan for him...I'm just waiting for the right moment to plug him into the game.  The most likely scenario is having him be one of the fighters in the catacombs.  That would separate the information he carries from Anver and Kha.  It gives Jaylene's story the clues that answer questions...ones that Anver/Kha don't know yet. 


I'll save the shadowbook for a big Klew.  Don't you worry :-)

If you see a situation that applies (in retrospect), make sure you let me know.

A

Too many variables.  The end of the story isn't written.  Even for him.

I'm still thinking how a shadow book could be used to show the future or current happenings.  I like that one a lot.

I'll have to think about that one. The way I visualized it, It could happen. The only thing in flux is the final battle. He wouldn't use it to influence what happened later, however it would be a great way to let characters know what is going on somewhere else.

Here is a chance to win a Bed and Breakfast in Maine with only a minimal entry fee and an essay saying why you would be the best owner of the faciltiy. 

Here is the link I saw.

http://happyplace.someecards.com/cool-h … breakfast/

I saw this and thought of our group.  Anyone interested?

Speaking which, I need to get the new chapter of Mandates out.  I gotta get around to mortally wounding Airen.

A

Sol is notified. 

Geron has motivations that I haven't figured out yet, but this is what I have so far.  He started out as Master and there was a dramatic increase in the number of mages.  So much that he couldn't run the school by himself.  He made a system where there were seven (including him) mages and a majority vote to make changes to the system.  He screwed himself.  Up until the time where Anver took over, Geron's only ally was Kha.  The other five were narcissists and routinely outvoted the old man. 

Once Anver takes over Lucas' school, Katerin takes over Alina's, and Kha retains his school, Geron will have majority again.  And all this happens within the space of a month to shift the balance of power.  Suppose I should make this clear earlier, but that was an add-on that I planned to add in the revisions.

After that, I get to take the Guild to war.  Let the games begin!

A

1,471

(0 replies, posted in TheNextBigWriter Premium)

There is a problem on the site lately.  My book Acts of Academia is published and listed as active.  However, whenever people go to view these chapters, they get a blank screen.  Can this be remedied?

Thanks,

A

I owe you guys for debating this. I'm letting Acts sit in the back of my brain until I get the revision in my head. Just to save time and wasted effort.

NJC, let me know when to read so I can take a guess at the plot twist.

A

I'm thinking.  That was the timeline that I had in my head, is all.  I need time to pass after the Earthwound.  Airen needs to go to Aerie.  Melody needs to be healed and join a caravan that loops South and then comes back to the main city.  Tazar needs to be alone and unsupported, which leads to him losing it at the Games and blindsiding Slash. 

That said, I think you're saying that I should have Kha healed a week before Anver takes night watch at the Academy.  This way, Kha spent a year and a half cursed and travels out of this book as soon as he can get out of bed.

OK.  It works.  *POOF*  (for now at least)

A

OK, here we go.  I read a great first chapter from a reviewer outside our group.  He had structural issues, but the content was tippy-top.  Since I learn from the work of others, I started thinking of how to apply this to Acts.  For those of you who have read the first three chapters of that book, what do you think of this as a start? 

Tribute to K.  He's the one who is great at pointing out that my book meanders.  Tribute to NJC, the purist who doesn't want me to change anything.  Could I get you guys to weigh in?

Chapter 1: This begins in the curses ward.  Anver, Tilly and another lieutenant are introduced.  The entire school is there.  Kha is on his deathbed and clearly cursed.  The risk is discussed.  The students chain their reserves and heal the Master. 

Chapter 2: This occurs about a year later.  Anver is on night watch at the gate.  Katerin is introduced as they switch shifts.  She points out that he is late and they argue a bit.  He notices that she has a bruise on her face and offers to help.  She refuses and stomps away.  While on duty, Anver notices an explosion of a staff and realizes a student has been killed.  He also feels the double explosion but doesn't question this because he's never felt a mage die before.  He ties into the draining reserve and finds the body.  Because his Master is infirm, he goes to Alina's school to report the death.  Alina is established as a villain and tells him to handle it himself.

Chapter 3: The next day.  Kha gets out of the infirmary, weak and still infirm.  The Common Room is introduced.  The other lieutenants have their discussion about their origins and how they gained power.  Anver participates and then takes tray in to Master Kha, intending to report the student's death and ask for advice.  Meanwhile, Kha has left the school and is traveling to Aerie.  Anver realizes that he is alone and has to keep the school running without support or help.  And since no one cares, he has to figure out what happened to the dead student.

This introduces the endangered love interest, as well as letting people know that there is a murderer who is killing mages (and that this should be a mystery story).  Alina is part of the plot at chapter 2.  I start the action during the healing (previous chapter 1 is eliminated) instead of discussing how to go about it.

Thoughts?  Anybody? 

A

Hey, folks.  I put up a new short story about my son.  'When did I know? Part 1'.  Anybody who wishes can have at it.  I've already done the first revision, so I think it's up to your snuff.  We'll see!

A