C.T.
Feel free to come over to the Medieval Fantasy and Magic thread. We don't bite and we have a wide assortment of folks who will discuss and go over your questions. I've found my learning curve has drastically increased because of these people. We have scifi writers as well as romance on this site, as well as NJC. As you can see, the boy loves to talk...(coughs)...I mean teach.
Hope to see you there.
A
OK, Dirk. I managed to publish chapters 1-8 of Mandates. However, I didn't have the right settings and I can't go back and publish them for points. If you read these, I'll pay you back in spades. At least I have them up where you can view them.
Sorry for the beginner mistakes. This has been rewritten once, but that was almost two years ago. It would flow a lot better if I had time to rip it apart before reposting this.
Hey, everyone…I'm going to the Chicago Writers Conference again this year. Good thing no one took me up on going there last year. I was as sick as a dog and spent most of the lectures leaning against a wall, trying to stay awake. At least I didn't throw up. That would've made an impression. However, I'm going to give it one more try. I figure it'd be fun to have a weekend where I do nothing but think about writing.
I don't get too many chances to work without distraction. Anybody interested in driving/ flying out there? It is the last weekend in September. Just thought I would throw the idea out and let you guys think about it. If you don't go, then find a conference close to home. It makes you think about things/ publishing/ format/ ideas for pitching…that you wouldn't have come up with on your own.
To me as well. He'll need to show a bit of prowess soon, but I'm willing to wait.
You know more about your job than they do. Therefore, you are the expert. Deal with it :-)
NJC,
Yes. No. Yes. Yes. Yes.
K,
(I stick out tongue and blow raspberry.) It's called an outline.
After. And the black staff is petrified wood. Not burnt. Most of the mages who have looked at it doubt that it is even a staff. Kha was one of the few who called it that. Only agreement is that it is a womping big piece of magic.
I saw it. It relates to the first chapter quandary. Thinking...
Got it. Tonight hopefully.
I also need to mention more about the Defiler from the beginning. Yet another one of those little details that I'm realizing half way through the book.
You're right. I'm going to add some dancing critters. Score one for the peanut gallery.
I've started Mandates with Kha riding up the mountain. Everyone told me it was boring and didn't advance the plot. Then I had the hook of Kha being terminal and going to visit Airen for a last hurrah. People told me a dying sick guy was depressing. Then I flipped everything and showed the Wolves working together. Everybody said, "Huh? What does this have to do with the plot?" Then I went back to the beginning and Kha is talking to a friend who died in the Earthwound and I showed what magic is like.
But I'm still back on the mountain. K wants me to add a talking critter with a tail to emphasize that this world isn't all about humans.
So my next flail on the first chapter will probably involve an attack on Kha (with critters) as he struggles to defend himself, transition to the entry to Aerie, and then the third chapter will be Airen aiming her bow at his head.
In other words, striving for the best first chapter will make your book. Don't go into what you've tried. Instead, give me some other ideas where you could start this in a different place. Ideas?
Aaarrgghhhh! (Dashes to catch up)
K,
How does Kajo build a supercomputer when every part needs to be crafted by hand, construct a sword for Kim, deal with full time petty politics, fight a war, break every bone in Kim's body and then nurse her back to health without full time help, and then spend major quality time with Jenna...all in one month?
And you are giving NJC flak about a wall? No wall can be built because the entry points move with the cosmic tides. A sorcery manual is less of a road map than a map of currents in the sea. How did I do, New Jersey?
(Snap:-)
Hey, Janet!
You writing yet?
OK, I have a few thoughts for you as well.
Back to the basics...You've chosen a reveal from an outside viewpoint to show the problem within your world. Skrune has been murdered and this is how. (but not why, I might add) Then there are a few vingettes from the school where they wonder who is going to get Skrune's orb, and then (as I remember it) Chloe is the viewpoint for most of the book.
This parallels Harry Potter, where the story starts with an infant Harry being delivered to his new home. (Not something that he would ever remember) Then the majority of the story then flows out from Harry's perspctive.
I contrast this with what I remember from the book, Heidi. The MC is informed that her new home is with her grandfather and shipped up to the Alps to live with her grandfather. I don't remember a talk amongst adults in the beginning.
So you're debating the layout of Chloe and feel that the story flows better from Skrune's death.
Good points: It lets us know the stakes.
It lets us know that the world has magical critters
It lets us see the limitations of the orbs.
Bad points: It makes us expect an aggressive world when the first book is more of an adjustment to the new life as a Preases. The dwarf threat doesn't come into play until maybe the last half of the book (if I remember correctly)
It takes us out of the YA 'softer' reality and has a man running for his life and then dying.
It has nothing to do with the first third of the book other than affecting conversation.
This said, I wonder if you would consider having the beginning of your book start with picking up the orb. It is the formative moment when everything about Chloe's life changes. It keeps the momentum but doesn't have a big reveal about the overall plot. That leaves us to learn about the world as Chloe does. As well as the threat (which she is unaware of for most of the first...eight chapters)
Just thoughts. Hope they help you put your choice about the first chapter in perspective.
A
Karin,
Don't be discouraged when he says no. If you persist, he sometimes sees reason. I know this to be true because I'm a nag.
Correct. Why do you ask?
Thanks for keeping me on my toes :-) No matter that he is essentially running away from his problems. I'll make sure that they follow.
Wait till you see our enemies...
Very nice!
Subplot for another story. As long as Kajo has an honorable mention, that is.
Tazar's thanks you for noting he is cast as the gentle giant.
Note that there aren't foam tips on those spears. Catch one in the face and you'll know it.
NJC reviews are writing lessons in real time, not rip-Em-up-and-spit-me-out kind of reviews. They are so different from what I think and process and that is what makes them valuable. Most of the time I don't even argue because he is right. It's just the content stuff that I reserve the right to veto.
He will have me writing in Tazar's POV before long. That's when the real test begins and I start writing in a totally different characters perspective. I got through a whole Anver book without this learning experience.
Ok, to clarify one or two of the rules within the world.
The Veil can't be stripped away without a very limited set of circumstances happening.
Behira can't remove the Veil for Her own protection, even if she wanted to. I tied the goddess' hands on this one. It has to stay in place.
Write first. I'll be waiting to review when it appears.
As to the talking-anything, I can add it at the prison and at Fadie's bar/ hotel. K's point is correct. It doesn't have to change the story in order to show there is a very mixed bunch of genetics running around the city.
