I will take a look at it. The summer months are brutal where I work and I haven't had much time for anything. Tonight was the first time I've sat down and written for more than 10 days. It's been a bear.
Thanks for the reminder. You are back at the top of the list, NJC.
Oh, I'm going for the 100 dollar prize. Hope springs eternal.
The water was usually foul because there weren't any sewers. It was safe to drink ale because the ETOH killed off the bacteria
There is a slang term in the US called Hangry. Hungry + angry. Thought you might like that one-)
OK, at the eleventh hour, I rewrote Brood to include more action and a death. Kenny and NJC, can you let me know what you think? Better? Worse? All I need is one or two words in a rating. There isn't much time for me to fix anything before the deadline.
I tell you all, I'm gonna buy a boatload of beer if I win this thing. You are all invited.
I saw the angel in the marble and carved to set him free.
Beautiful. I can imagine Michelangelo standing in front of Pieta, smoothing the marble under his hands. All others have to stand at a distance and marvel. He touched the face of God.
They were all awesome. And hilarious. I agree, Dirk. I liked #3 the best.
The word callipygian was abandoned for a reason. And we will see if Alda can learn a new trick or two:-)
Fat behind. Them's fighting words…
Will reread this a few times and then see if I have the energy to rewrite or move on to the next chapter. I've got a section in my head with Alda. Great visual and intro to the sea life in the Catacombs…just have to find the time to write.
More later...
Hey, those bugs have to eat something! If not ants, then what? (Loved the name for the monster so I had to use it)
I'll clarify that the priests are in a half circle) only used that word once, but it needs reinforcing). That way, no one will be hit by friendly fire. And I will change it so that the critter aims for Jaylene. Once she lassos the arm, it's arc of attack is limited to her. Great point there.
The fact that you post these drawings is so damn cool, BTW.
A
I'll try to get to it tomorrow. Otherwise, I'm back in the coal mines again and working five 14 hr shifts in a row. However, I will make sure that I get to it sooner than later. I owe you no less.
Haven't changed it but I will. FYI, there is a new chapter of Dictates up on the site. I'm now officially in new territory and am no longer doing rewrites of the old material. (Shivers) Gonna be fun, of its going to be a trial and a half. Here we go!
Done. Never say I don't appreciate you.
Do you want me to change it back?
I also changed the MC name to Lotyie so she would sound older
I fixed the end so it is clearer that the MC is evolving and her power may grow. Still need to add more combat. I may take her past Big Pete's hideout to catch him on camera.
So you know, a reliquary is a religious term and a box that holds a saint's bones ( or organs) but the term sounds like it will work so run with it!
Cask. Casket. Crypt. Hoard, Reliquary. Vessel. Containment. Bowl. Basin.
Any of these appropriate?
Interesting to see the way you develop the characters. I make a personality and then write the story around their motivations. You are writing an 'ensemble' based on their actions rather than motivations. Not bad...just different.
I think it works. If you want me to go into pitfalls, then the love interest thing can complicate the character's actions, limiting your choices in the plot. Nothing that you can't get around, but a real risk.
A
To all who I owe reviews, I haven't forgotten. Work handed me a night with two near drownings, a gunshot, someone launched off a horse, and a stabbing. So im off work and I'm sitting in my backyard and watching the deer and fawns play by my swing set. Who knew that baby deer like to play tag?
Time for a beer.
I have some days off coming up. At least one is going to be a pajama day. Reviews will happen then. Oh yes they shall!
My point of ending it there is that any manifestation can result in either a hero or villain, thinking that it depends on how the person reacts to the event. However, K's point is well taken. If a power manifests, you can't define the hero by leaving them at a point of crisis. The combat is part of a definitive evolution that results in a hero. And the requirement of this contest is to see the birth of a hero. Therefore, I wasn't meeting the requirements of the contest.
So my story was ambiguous and artsy-fartsy, but didn't meet the criteria. K, I realize I don't have to add a whole lot of wordage to get the hero bit across. But I need to make it clear that Jenna is a hero without any doubt.
Point taken. We'll see what I come up with. First, I've come up with another superhero for a second submission. A teen who apparates chicken from thin air whenever he is stressed.
Not all heros are born to the job. Some have to deal with stupid powers and make them into something great. Maybe I'm channeling The Mystery Men. Either way, they allow more than one submission, so I'm going for it. Maybe I'll win this way so I can finally buy me some beer:-)
I see the point. What's the purpose of a superhero story with out a fight scene? I guess being philosophical didn't get the point across that any hero can be a villain. It just depends which way they turn on the street.
Got it. Big Pete has to pay.
Jenna. It fits the character, so I poached it.
Gotcha!
