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The single line at the end doesn't fit with the other summary. The dragon bit is kind of pasted on, not giving any context or understanding as to how two completely separate stories come together.

FYI, you aren't blowing the plot by saying that the dragons and girls meet up. It is the writing rather than the intro that makes that moment satisfying, So consider....

"The small country of Truacia has truly never seen darker days. The royal family is gone, murdered fourteen long years ago,

(mis-stated. Aren't the twins royalty?)

and the cruel Chaedoran Empire has taken over. Still, the people rebel, branded as scofflaws and hunted down. Those captured are executed or sold into slavery and those that run free must remain wary not only of the Empire’s hunters, but also the wild dragons wreaking havoc upon the land. It is in the midst of this conflict that four young souls find their fates intertwined.

This is where you need a combining sentence for the dragons and the humans. Ex: Sibling dragons and two girls live separate lives until Maya is accused of stealing from the Empress herself. Her sister, Vierra,

delves into a world of secrets her enemies would much rather keep buried. (WHILE) dragon hatchlings Noi and Dea must learn to survive in a world completely unfamiliar to them. Threats lay around every bend and each step they take only brings them closer to the two-legged beasts that wish for their extinction."

I think the simple addition of a few words makes this much more cohesive.

A

salon, waiting room, drawing room, reception

And I agree with NJC. Keep the first person intensive perspective.

Anybody out there?

A sentence added with a guard-like activity. They are props. Even if they sneeze or blow their noses, they need a small vignette in the chapter.

Tom,

Here is what I envision for your first chapter. It is just on my wish list, so take what you want and discard the rest.

First chapter needs to present the problem, so I'll include that. Biru is lonely. He's successful in business but remains an outsider, (gaijin).

Ex: He is walking out of the high-rise in Tokyo, joining the mass of humanity walking along the street. Even here, he is noticed by his height and European features. Then let it start to rain, and the umbrella makes him invisible, part of the flow of the river that heads toward his home and relaxing. Maybe it is dark already, but have him go to one of the million of tiny nooks hidden in Tokyo where the street noises disappear and a stream is the only sound. Suddenly, he is one with nature, alone except for the rain, studying the line of a tree heavy with fruit. He pulls out his sketchpad and draws it (not the first time) agin, loving the line of the tree (maybe it reminds him of a woman, or the bent back of the the okaasan that he sees daily.) Either way, this image can relate somehow to his beloved once he meets her. It would also be on the walls of his room when he shows her his art.

Drawing the tree again, he isn't an outsider. He's in Tokyo doing what he loves. Now he just needs to find someone to share it with.

You have the ability to be florid, both in the description of the Tokyo street and in the sanctuary of the natural park, shrine, or hidden spot under a bridge.

Just on my wish list. You get to keep the first chapter first-person concept and ease into the conversation. Consider giving it a try. Let me know about your first chapter rewrite when it comes out.

A

No growth removed. They took biopsies for chemo and closed me up. The chemo buys me an extra 1-2 years of quality that I wouldn't have otherwise. There is time for me to end the book, hang out with kids, and husband.

Not trying to be morbid or dramatic. Just real. I can be a minx because K said so. So many minx it is...from now till ever afterwards.

Surgery is Tuesday at 1030. It'll be a long one, so I might be floating high on good drugs for the night and next morning. I offered to carry the pager at work, but I'll likely be intubated. However, I can probably still text, so they might put me to work.

Oh, trust me. There are things I want to finish. I've always had a bucket list, even when I was a little kid. If nothing else, I have a free summer with limited mobility ahead of me. While I may be sleeping for much of this time, I intend to use it to good effect. I always wondered how much I could get done if I only had the time...

Let's see what I can accomplish if I put my mind to it.

Janet, seven books? Get hopping, girl. You can try to slap my pussy hat off my head, but I warn you, I'm fierce.

Dirk, I'll get to the Aussie's second appearance. Let me wake up from the Diprivan first, otherwise, this review is going to be hilarious.

K needs me the most, I completely agree. Who else is going to have the nerve to point out that people don't ride bareback in freezing weather (in a sheet no less) on a 40 mph horse?

NJC, Thou shalt see mine story in print. If I have to break my own damn rules and self-publish. And I'll keep writing forward instead of just revising. Got to get the story out of me so I can figure out how deep the rabbit hole goes.

Tuesday looms larger tonight. I'm no longer working nights, and I'm still awake. Damn the Sandman, anyway. Thought yesterday was a wonderful day. Drove through the Metropark, took my kids to the trampoline park, visited my sister, ate anything I felt like, and then had a wine cooler. We got home and I took a nap. Now I'm writing.

I have to say this out loud. Others just roll their eyes at me when I say things like this...

Good things about Ovarian cancer.

You get the summer off work.
You get to meet new people and insult them.
You get to talk back to your surgeon and swear as much as you want.
You never have to have a period ever again.
You get to have more quality time with your kids.
You pass an accident on the side of the road and realize that someone else is having a shittier day than you are.
You get to be the patient and walk around showing people your butt crack.
Hospital food (OK, maybe not)
Weight loss.
Scars. I can make up any story I want, and a lay-person might believe that I was in a knife-fight. I'm a writer. The story will be believable.
I don't give a shit about diabetes any longer. I. Just. Don't. Care. Hypertension? Pfft.

That's what I've got so far. I'm sure that there will be more to come.

A

Thanks guys. I'd say I was sorry for beating tux guys up on reviews, but that's probably why you like me.

Tuesday...

Phew. Deep breath.

Nice

There have been others.

Lances.

One nit (because you know that nothing ever shuts me up) Why does the armor lace up the back? One knife cut down the spine (which isn't protected, BTW), and the armor is in pieces and flapping forward as the person fights. Back lacing is for corsets. Leather armor is laced, that is true, but it laces from the side, so that it is protected more.

We miss you. Revise, and then revise again. Push forward on book 2. I'm so proud of you!

(FYI, it might be time for another phone call. We need to check in with each other at least once a year!)